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Auction 10/23/2004
Wife: "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks.The
big ones went for ten dollars and the thick one went for twenty
dollars"
Husband:"how about the one like me?"
Wife:"Those, ,they gave away"
Husband:"I had dreamt too, I dreamt they were auctioning
off cunts, the pretty one went for a thousand dollars and
the little tight one went for two thousand."
Wife:"And how much for the one like ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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always read the bible.. 10/23/2004
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm
129?" The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up her
leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Devoted Catholic 10/23/2004
Maria is a devout catholic.She gets married and has 17 ...and
then her husband died.She remarries two weeks later...and
has 22 by her second husband.She dies..
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria.As she
lies in her coffin, looks up to the heaven and says, "At
last they are finally together, "A man standing
next to him asks, "Excuse me father, but do you mean
her and her first ...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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WOMEN ARE SMARTER THAN MEN 10/23/2004
Here's proof that women are smarter than men: Diamonds
are a girl's best friend and dogs are a man's best
friend.
0 Comments, 33 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Men..... 10/23/2004
Men are like ........Laxatives ....... They irritate
the
sh ! t; out of
you.
Men are like ......... Bananas ...... The older they
get, the less firm
they are.
Men are like .......... Vacations ...... They never
seem to be long
enough.
Men are like ......... Weather ...... Nothing can be
done to change
them.
Men are like .......... Blenders ...... You need One,
but ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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The Real Father 10/21/2004
A woman and a man wanted to have a baby, so they went to the
doctor to see if there was a way. When the doctor came in, told
them about a new study that transfers all the pain from the
mother to the father during delivery. They both agreed
to take part in the study.
<br>
Later, when the woman went into labor, her husband was hooked
up to the device to transfer the pain. After it ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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why 10/14/2004
bakit kapag nakakita ka ng dalawang babae naglalakad holding
hands ok lang? bakit makakita ka ng dalawang lalaki naglalakad
reaction mo eh eoyw!!!
0 Comments, 48 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Who wants to be a millionnaire? 10/10/2004
Host: What "N"(narra) is the Nat'l tree
of the Phils? Contestant: niyog? Host: Mas matigas pa diyan
Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!
<br>
Host: Saang "B" (bagumbayan) binaril si Jose
Rizal? Contestant: sa Back? Host: O sige, pwede rin na ang
simula ay letter "L" (luneta) Contestant:
Likod? Host: hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P."
ang initials ng Modern name ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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I've got good and bad.. 10/10/2004
This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the
doctor tells him, " I had good news and bad news, "What
would you like to hear first?"
Patient:"Well, give me the bad news first."
Doctor:"You have cancer, I estimate that you have
about 2 yrs. to live."
Patient:"Thats terrible!!In two years, my life
is over!And what kind of good news could you probably tell
me, after ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
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Lawyer's joke(Are you talkin to me?) 10/10/2004
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting
attorney attacked a witness, "Isn't it true, "
he bellowed, " that you accepted five thousand dollars
to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't
heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand
dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.The
witness still ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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A young naval student.. 10/10/2004
A young naval student was being put through the paces by
an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the
starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor , sir" the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up after?"
"Throw another anchor , sir"
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what
would you do?"asked the captain.
"Throw out another ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Lawyer's joke(get away with murder) 10/10/2004
Two prissoners are talking about their crmies:
George:"I robbed a bank and they give me 20 years, "
Herman:"Hmmm, I killed a man, and Im here for 3 days".
George:"**WHAT***???I rob a bank and get 20 years, ,you
kill a man and get 3 days??""!!
Herman:" Yeah, ,it was a lawyer!!"
0 Comments, 39 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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The Brown Suit 10/8/2004
A woman came to the funeral parlor to see her husband corpse."You
did a good job", she said to the undertaker."he
looks just the way he always looked, except for one thing.My
husband always wore a brown suit, but you have him dressed
in a blue suit."
"That is no problem, " said the undertaker, "We
can easily change it".
When she returned later, her husband was wearing a brown
suit."Now ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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Second opinion.. 10/8/2004
A patient has sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment
for it.
Doctor:"Your tonsils gotta come out, ".
Patient:"I wanna second pinion".
Doctor:"Okay, you're ugly too".
0 Comments, 34 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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A burglar is in big trouble! 10/8/2004
A burglar has just made it into the house hes intending racksacking
and hes looking around for stuff to steal.All of a sudden
a little voice pipes up." I can see you and so jesus".
Starled, the burglar looked around the room.No one there
at all, so he goes back to his business.
"I can see you and so can Jesus!, the burglar jumps
again and takes a longer look around the room.Over in the ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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The preacher buys a parrot. 10/8/2004
A preacher is buying a parrot.
"Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell or swear?"asked
the preacher.
"Oh! absolutely, Its a religious parrot, "the
store keeper assures him."Do you see the strings
on his legs?When you pull the right one, he will recites
the Lords prayer, and when you pull the left, he recites
the 23rd Psalms'"
"Wonderful!, " says the preacher, "But
what happens if you ...
1 Comments, 46 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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its importen 10/8/2004
humor help with lot of things in relationschip...and it
can do so yr love and care grow more easy
0 Comments, 31 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
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Hide him during a war.. 10/7/2004
It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that
he needed to confess, so he went to his priest.
"Forgive me father, for i have sinned during the
WW11, I hid a refugee in my attic"."Well, answered
the priest, "thats not a sin".But i made him
agree to pay 20 Gulden for every week he stayed, ,"said
the man.
"I admit that wasnt good , but you did it for a good
cause"said the ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score
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What is Gods name? 10/7/2004
A cristian man died and was on his way to heaven.When he got
to the gates of heaven, he met an angel, the angel asked
him whats Gods name.
"Oh thats easy, the man replied, His name is Andy!
"What makes you think His name is Andy?" the
angel asked incredulously.
"Well, ,you see at the church, we used to sing this
song, andy walks with me, Andy talks with me..
0 Comments, 41 Views,
9 Votes
,0.43 Score
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Filling in for St. Peter.. 10/7/2004
A famous professor surgery died and went to heaven.At the
Pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have
you ever comitted a sin you truly regret?"
"Yes, the professor answered, when i was a young
candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer
againts the team from the Community Hospital, and I scored
a goal, which was offside.But the referee did not see it, and
the goal ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score
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If Noah Was A Filipino 10/5/2004
It is the year 2004 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES. The Lord speaks to
Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole
earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the
righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning,
God delivered the ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Religious joke.. 10/3/2004
A nun was taking a shower one day and she heard the door bell
ring, she yelled, " Who is it?"
And the person ringing the door bell yelled, "Im
the blind man".
So the nun got out of the shower and wrapped her hair in a towel, she
didnt bother putting towel around herself because the
person behind the door was blind.She opened the door and
said."What do you want?"And the man said, "Im ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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Taxi driver in heaven. 10/3/2004
A priest and a taxi driver both died ans went to heaven.St
Peter was at the Pearly gate waiting for them.
"Come with me", said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed ST Peter to
a mansion.It had anything you could imagine from bowling
alley to an olympic size pool.
"WoW", thank you, " said the taxi driver.
Next ST.Peter led the priest to a rugged ...
0 Comments, 50 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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Going to the office.. 10/3/2004
Hubby:"you always carry my photo in your handbag
to the office.why?"
Wife:"When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, i
look at your picture and the problem disappears"
Hubby:"You see!! how miraculous and powerful I am
for you?"!
Wife:"Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "what
other problem can there be greater than this one!!"
0 Comments, 30 Views,
0 Votes
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Help Father! 9/30/2004
A man in a confession:
Man:Father, ,pls bless my family.
Priest: What's wrong ?
Man:My wife is a gambler, ,my is a , ,and
my is a drug addict".
Priest: My , ,is there any possitive in your family?
Man:"Yes, father, ,my HIV test"
0 Comments, 34 Views,
11 Votes
,2.98 Score
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ECONOMIC! 9/30/2004
While the family are having breakfast, ,the ask the
father and said, " Daddy, ,i was ask to make an assignment
about economic from my school and since your a good politician, ,can
you give me the meaning of economic?"
", ,ECONOMIC IS COMPOSE OF, THE FATHER IS THE
CAPITAL, THE MOTHER IS THE GOVERNEMNT, THE MAID IS THE
LABOR AND THE ARE THE FUTURE, ,put them together, ,you
can get the ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
10 Votes
,5.97 Score
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Brand new!! 9/30/2004
A man came to see a doctor for a brain surgery.
<br>
Man: "Doc, ,I need your help for my brain transplant"
Doctor:" Well, ,I only have 3 brain available in
my laboratory, come and check them"
Pointing to the displayed brains, that brain on the left
side, ,is a japanese brain, ,it will cost you $5000.00, and
on your right is american brain for $10, 000.00 and the
one in the middle ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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Bad news 9/25/2004
Leon and Todd loved baseball.When they were young, they
had played on the towns baseball team.leon had been the
pitcher and Todd had played second base.Now that they were
a lot older, they spent their free time watching baseball
games on TV and talking about baseball."Do you think
they play baseball in heaven?"Leon asked Todd one
day.
"thats a good question, "said Todd."The
one who gets ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
10 Votes
,2.39 Score
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The wedding 9/25/2004
Attending the first wedding ceremony, ,the little girl
whisper to her moms ear" Why is the bride dressed in
white?"asked the little girl.To make moms easy to
undestand, the mom said" Well, ,white symbolizes
happiness, and today is the happiest day of her(bride)
life"
The little girl thought for a while and asked, " And
why is the groom dressed in black?", ,
0 Comments, 46 Views,
13 Votes
,5.49 Score
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What A Married Man Should Be 9/24/2004
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
<br>
He forces himself to open his eyes ... and the first thing
he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the
side table.
<br>
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him ... all
clean and pressed.
<br>
Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect
order ... spotless ... clean.
...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
31 Votes
,7.46 Score
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