|
How Men Handle Depression...
|
Feb 15, 2006 9:08 pm
499 Views
|
Depression is often viewed as a predominantly female affliction.But this may be because the condition is often overlooked and misunderstood with respect to men.
According to the therapist who did the research:With covert depression you don't see the depression.What you see are the footprints of depression or the defenses a man is using to run from it.
Therapist said that they see it in self medication,isolation and lashing out.
Self medication may be drinking,drugging,womanizing and even watching excessive amounts of television.Some forms of self medication are tolerated by the culture so it is hard to get across that what these men are doing is stabilizing depression.
Therapist advice is to get help and ask for more help.Depression is highly treatable and these men need therapy.Unfortunately,covertly depressed men rarely seek help on their own.It is almost always the people around them who pursuade them to initiate therapy.
Why is male depression underdiagnosed?
The conventional wisdom is that the rate of depression in women is two to four times the rate of men.But depression is experienced and expressed differently in men and women.Depressed men don't reach out for help in the same way that women do.
Helping men to overcome depression:
Many men find it difficult to ask for help when they are depressed.It can feel unmanly and weak.It may be easier for men to ask for help if those who give that help take into account men's special needs.
Men who are depressed are more likely to talk about physical symptoms of their depression rather than the emotional and psychological.This maybe one reason why doctors sometimes don't diagnose it.If you are feeling wretched,don't hold back-tell your doctor.
It can help to be reminded that depression is a result of chemical changes in the brain,It is nothing to do with being weak or unmanly,and it can easily be helped.Antidepressant tablets are often an important part of getting better,and it's important to remember that this sort of medication is not addictive.
If a depressed man is married,or in a steady relationship,his partner should be involved so that she can understand what is happening.This will make it less likely for the depression to cause permanent problems in their relationship.
Some men don't feel comfortable talking about themselves and so may be reluctant to consider psychotheraphy.However,it is a very powerful way of relieving depression and works well for many men.
Helping Yourself...
Don't bottle things up- If you've had a major upset in your life,try to tell someine how you feel about it.
Keep Active- Get out of doors and get some exercise,even if it's only a walk.This will help to keep you physically fit and you will sleep.It can also help you not to dwell unhelpfully on painful thoughts and feelings.
Eat Properly- You may not feel very hungry,but you should eat a balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables,It's easy to lose weight and run low on vitamins when you are depressed.
Avoid Alcohol and drugs- Alcohol may make you feel better for a coup[le of hours,but it will make you more depressed in the long run.The same goes for street drugs,particularly amphetamines and ecstasy.
Don't get upset If you can't sleep- Do something restful that you enjoy,like listening to the radio or watching television.
Use relaxation techniques- If you feel tense all the time,there are many ways of helping yourself to relax.These include exersices,audio-tapes,yoga,massage.aromatherapy,etc.
Do something you enjoy- Set time aside regularly each week to do something you really enjoy- exeresice,reading a hobby.
Check out your lifestyle- A lot of people who have depression are perfectionist and tend to drive themselves too hard.You may need to set yourself more realistic targets and reduce your workload.
Take a break- This may be easier said than done,but it can be really helpful to get away and out of your normal routine for a few days.Even a few hours can be helpful.
Read about depression- There are now many books about depression.They can help you to cope...but can also help firends and relatives to understand what you are going through.
Remember,in the long run,this may be helpful - It's unpleasant to have it,but depression can be useful experience,and some people emerge stronger and coping better than before.You may see situations and relationships more clearly and may now have the strength and wisdom to make important decisions and changes that you were avoiding before.
Getting more help...
The best place to start is your (GP)general practitioner/family doctor.he or she will be able to assess you and to discuss the options for treatment with you.It is true that many men are concerned that the information held by their family doctors may need to be given in medical reports and so many damage thier chances in work.In spite of this,your doctor is the best person to approach.Depression may be due to physical illness,so it is important that you have a proper physical check-up.If you are already receiving treatment for some physical disorder,your doctor will need to know because of the possible interactions between drugs.Any worries about confidentiality should be discussed with your General Practitioner/doctor.
Depression can be as much of an illness as pneumonia or breaking your leg.We really shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed about it.The most important thing to remember is to ask for the help you need,when you need it.
Remember...depression is easily treatable and you are entitled to the help you need.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Men With Depression...
|
Feb 15, 2006 12:40 pm
574 Views
|
Depression is an illness that affects both men and women.But research said,fewer men with depression than women.It seems likely that men suffer from depression just as often as women,but that they are less likely to ask for help.Depression is easily treatable and best treated as early as possible.Men need to know what it is and how to get effective help.
IT'S DIFFERENT FOR MEN...
The way that men think about themselves can be quite unhelpful.Compared with women,they tend to be far more concerned with being competitive,powerful and successful.Most men don't like to admit that they feel fragile or vulnerable,and so are less likely to talk about their feelings with their friends,loved ones or even their doctors.This may be the reason that they often don't ask for help when they become depressed.Men tend to feel that they should rely only on themselves and that it is somehow weak to have to depend on someone else,even for a short time.
This traditional view of how men should be always tough and self-reliant is also held by some women.Some men find that owning up to their depression actually results in their partner rejecting them because of this.Even professionals sometimes share this view and may not diagnose depression in men when they should.
SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION:
*Feeling sad or unhappy
*High levels of anxiety
*Low energy
*Difficulties concentrating
*Feeling worthless or hopeless
*Losing interest in activities or people
*Weight loss
*Loss appetite
*Loss of sex drive
*Lapses in personal hygiene,such as not bathing or shaving as regularly
*Thoughts of suicide
The symptoms for some types of depression may also include extreme opposites of those listed above for example,unusually high or prolonged levels of energy,significant weight gain and so on.
Other people may notice that:
*You are performing less well at work
*You seem unusually quiet,unable to talk aboutthings
*You're worrying about things more than usual
*You're more irritable than usual
*You're complaining more about vague physical problems.
HOW DO MEN COPE...
Instead of talking about how they feel,men may try to make themselves feel better by using alcohol or drugs.This will usually make things worse in the long run.Their work will suffer and alcohol often leads to irresponsible,unpleasant or dangerous behaviour.Men also tend to give their work a higher priority than their home life,which produces conflicts with their wives or partners.All of there things have been shown to make depression more likely.
RELATIONSHIPS:
For married men,research has shown that trouble in a marriage is the most common single problem connected with depression.Men can't cope with disagreements as well as women.Arguments actually make men feel very physically uncomfortable.So,they try to avoid arguments or difficult discussions.This often leads to the situation where a man's partner will want to talk about a problem,but he will not and will do his best to avoid talking about it.The partner feels that they are being ignored and tries to talk about it more,which makes him feel he is being nagged.So,he withdraws even more,which makes his partner feel even more that they are being ignored...and so on.This vicious circle can quite easily destroy a relationship.
SEX...
Depressed men feel less good about their bodies and less sexy than when they're not depressed.Many just go off sex completely.Several recent studies suggest that,in spite of this,men who are depressed have intercourse just as often,but they don't feel as satisfied as usual.A few depressed men actually report increased sexual drive and intercourse,possibly as a way of trying to make themselves feel better.Another problem may be that some anti-depressant drugs will also reduce sex-drive in a small number of men who take them.
HOWEVER,the good news is that,as the depression improves,so will your sexual desire,performance and satisfaction.
It's worth remembering that it can happen the other way round.Impotence(difficulty in getting or keeping an erection)can bring about depression.Again,this is a problem for which it is usually possible to find effective help.
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
Managing Differences in Relationships...
|
Feb 15, 2006 11:17 am
569 Views
|
Each one of us has our own way to cope with stress in our relationships.When couples disagree,the goal is to be able to listen and respond to each other so that you can work together to resolve the problem.At times,though couples can get caught up in stress styles that aren't helpful.
For example,when one partner tends to avoid conflict and the other is more aggressive the relationship may become unbalanced.The quieter,conflict-avoidant partner will soon find that their needs are being neglected and will begin to feel dissatisfied while the more aggressive partner may not even suspect the depth of unhappiness that their partner is experiencing.
Recognizing your own style of managing relationship stress and becoming emphathetic toward your partner's style can help you as a couple approach each other with more open hearts, the relationship will improve.
The first step is identifying your own style.When you sense a disagreement in the air do you:
*Become aggressive,believing that the "best
defence is a good offense"?
*Move quickly to a "win - lose" perspective?
*Blame your partner?
*Avoid the conflict at all costs?
*Agree with your partner to avoid conflict?
*Change the subject?
Using any one of these negative stress styles can quickly either escalate your conversation or end it prematurely,blocking any meaningful communication between you.The good news is that you are in charge of your stress style.You can choose to respond to your partner instead of reacting.
Next time you sense that you and your partner are heading into an old pattern of negative communication try these steps:
*Remind yourself that you are in charge of your own stress style.Resolve to keep a respectful tone.
*Be resilient in listening by focusing your energy on understanding what your partner is feeling.Ask your partner to share their concerns.You will have time to share your own concerns and feelings.Now is the time to listen deeply to your partner's thoughts.
*When your partner feels that you have understood him/her then take your turn to share your feelings and concerns as well.
Listening,feeling understood and knowing that you care about each other's thoughts and feelings will build good will between you and help you to move onto solving the problem.Managing the negative stress style cycle is a good first step toward helping you feel that you and your partner are on the same team,not on opposing sides.When you can move on to solving the problem,your relationship wins.
(From the book:Relationship Advice and Tips)
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
Long Distance Relationships...
|
Feb 15, 2006 10:42 am
574 Views
|
For people in long distance relationships,it often does not make much of a difference if the partners live a few hours or days'distance away from each other.Maintaining and supporting a loving,trusting relationship...compounded with the fact that the partners do not spend their daily lives together can be overwhelming at times and wrought with challenges and setbacks.Yet.long distance relationships can still facilitate valuable opportunities for partners to experience growth,maturity and bonding together.
Here are a few tips for making your relationship special and meaningful through the tough separation periods(according to studies about relationship)
*Practice being respectful,honest and trusting with your partner and with yourself.Since you aren't interacting and experiencing in each other's daily lives on a regular basis,you may be thinking thoughts that aren't always clearly communicated or directly put out in the open for discussion and reflection.As in any relationship but especially for long-distance,listening in a caring manner and honesty is a crucial component for facilitating trust with your partner.The more you voluntarily offer information and communicate empathy and what you're feeling and reflecting about the relationship,the more your partner will feel secure and prompted to open up as well.
*Frequent Communication,is an important element of long-distance relationships.Every relationship is different,but the advantage of talking or checking in with your partner at least once each day can provide a stabilizing force to a relationship that often may be unpredictable due to different schedules,responsibilities or time zones.Eveb if only for a few minutes,a simple phone call enables you hear your partner's voice and share details or updates about each other's lives,hear the laughter in every jokes from both of you.Also checking in with each other allows you to always have something special to look forward to in the course of your day and to plan and discuss your next reunion.
*Bonding and nurturing emotional intimacy questions means being there for each other.
Example:
*What was the most exciting/annoying part of your day?
*Tell me a story/memory about when you were(a certain age)
*Do you have any concerns or worries about our relationship?*
How are you feeling about us now?
Making use of different technology is one of the bonus features of long-distance relationships.Couples are not limited to phone calls(thru cell phones and "free night and weekends" plans do make talking on the phone for hours much cheaper and more convenient).To add an element of surprise and spice to your long-distance relationship,make the effort to send your partner a short email or text message expressing your feelings or just a sweet and simple "I love you".The Internet also provides dozen of free "e-greeting cards"with which you can communicate almost any emotion to your partner in a cute animated and musical card or with old-fashioned phrases.Writing letters via "snail-mail"can be romantic and also a keepsake memento for those times you're both feeling lonely or missing each other,or a surprise for a special occasion.
*In a long distance relationship,it's often easy to misinterpret,misunderstand or discount your partner's feelings,words or actions on account of the difficulty of communication,clarity of intent or effort as contrasted with that of regular dating relationships.It's essential to maintain a sense of humor with your partner,sharing in blunders of miscommunication and being able to laugh at your situation together.Knowing,understanding and accepting your partner is a long-term process and healthy relationships require respect for differences and awareness of each other's strength... weaknesses and positive/negative qualities.
*Maintaining good personal boundaries and limits around other friendships and talking about realistic expectations creates greater comfort and a sense of security and doesn't lead to mixed message or signals.Keep in mind to end your conversations with appreciations,hopes and desires for the present and near future.This helps strengthen your coping abilities with the situation.
(From the book: Relationships Tips and Advice of Lucy S. Raizman,LCSW,LMFT)
|
|
|
1
comment
|
|
|
What Makes A Relationship Healthy?
|
Feb 3, 2006 9:21 pm
574 Views
|
According to the researh of Extension Family Systems Specialist:
Interest in health now touches almost every body's life:diet;exercise;home and work environments;even relationships.
Evaluating a relationship to see if it is healthy may seem like a difficult task.A couple can look to three clues to test the health of their relationship:
*Does each partner simply like the other?
*Does each partner have a mutual honor and respect
for the other?
*Does each partner want to be connected with the other?
There are several other traits that contribute to a healthy relationship.
For example:
Discussing individual stresses and filling the simple need of daily recognition.Devoting attention to this daily needs fosters a healthy relationship.
Another trait of a healthy relationship is how a couple resolves conflict.When a conflict unresolvable,each partner must use respect and honor while restraining from criticism and contempt.They also should be willing to compromise.
If the couple's shared memories are positive,that is another important sign that the relationship is
healthy.In fact,creating positive memories actually builds a relationship.
Couples also can identify signs that their relationship may need work.
For Example:
When the couples stops in having fun together or partners are always thinking negative thoughts about each other,their relationship may be losing its healthiness.Another more obvious unhealthy sign occurs when the couple is rude and disrespectful toward each other.
When a relationship is developing unhealthy characteristics,the couple can step back and evaluate the problem areas.Once the problem areas are identified and the couple intentionally works on these problems,a couple can move toward liking each other,mutually honoring and respecting each other,and desiring to be connected with each other.This process can take a substantial amount of work if the problems are deep.
A couple should not mistake all differences to be unhealthy traits.
"You are two separate individuals and you are going to be difficult,"
"Its important to remember that no partner is ideal."
**swettie**
(I hope this topic can give a little help to the couple that want's to have healthy relationship.)
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Building a Relationship is Like Building a House
|
Feb 3, 2006 8:49 pm
276 Views
|
Building a relationship is like building a house.Relationships need a strong foundation before the remaining building blocks can be added.
Research said:
Two charactheristics are important in testing the strength of the relationship and learning if the couple has a foundation to build on.
1)The first is DEDICATION to the relationship
2)and the second is CONSTRAINT
"These are two words that seem very different,research said."Constant is simply that you do things that won't harm the relationship.You constrain yourself from insulting your partner or showing lack of respect and doing things that cause irreparable harm."
If a couple is concerned about dedication and constraint in their relationship,they can strengthen their relationship in two ways,research said:
First,the couple needs to get to know one another- knowing each other's likes,dislikes,joys and fears.
Second,a couple can nurture their relationship by showing fondness,admiration and respect in the things they say and do with each other.
Once the foundation is strengthened,then the building blocks can be developed and added to the foundation.Closeness usually is the first building block.A couple needs this building block to continue their knowledge of their partner and to increase their support for each other,the research said.
"Besides getting to know each other,a couple developes a friendship and they also turn toward each other instead of outward,"A couple shares things that are happening with each other in their days,and they give each other signals of caring by listening."
Distribution of power is the second building block.Both partners must realize who makes the decisions and/or who has the authority.Is the power equally distributed?Even decisions about where a couple will eat or what movie they will see,show if both partners have some power or if the power distributions is lopsided,researh said.
Disagreements about the building blocks can be caused by cultural differences and backgrounds.
Here are some suggestions for resolving disagreements:
*Avoid criticism
*Clarify what is being discussed
*Describe without being judgmental
*Complain,but don't blame
*Be polite
*Show appreciation if a partner does something during an argument that shows attention to discussion,i.e.turning off the television to listen attentively.
In a disagreement,both partners need to open up and be honest about their feelings,If one or both partners struggle with or fears opening up,then increased communication is important.
The more knowledge a person has of their partner,then the easier it is to open up.This evolves as the couple gets to know other better.Predicting reactions will be easier,research said.
Revolving conflict successfully involves PATIENCE,COMPROMISE and RESPECT,and these characteristics also are important building blocks of a relationship.
**swettie**
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
LIFE...
|
Feb 3, 2006 9:49 am
229 Views
|
Never take it for granted
Whatever comes your way,
Just grasp it in both hands
And enjoy it everyday.
Sometimes sorrow comes your way
Blocking out the light,
That's the time to pray and
To know you'll win the fight.
Life is but a journey
Through mountains,hills and vales
We cannot have the sunshine
If we have no rain and gales.
So enjoy each precious moments,
And always give your best
Remember keep faith in GOD
Then you'll be truly blessed.
**swettie**
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
Healthy Relationship...
|
Jan 19, 2006 8:42 pm
251 Views
|
What is a healthy relationsahip?
There are healthy and unhealthy relationships,not in the sense of pathology or abnormality,but in terms of how satisfying and fulfilling they are.In thosae terms,heakthy relationships are based on reality,not fantasy.When it comes to relationships,many of us buy into overly romanticized fantasies of love.You know,the living happily ever after thing.The problem is there are no Cinderellas or Prince Charmings,just us human beings.Sooner or later the illusion will shatter and it is a long fall from the pedestal.The alternative is a relationship based on mutual and reciprocal advantage,like a business deal.The reality is that we love people who do things for us.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND ROMANTIC!
Ah,but actually it is.When you see relationships as a business deal,it becomes clear that communication and negotiation are needed to keep the deal working. Do you know what the everyday word for negotiation is in relationships?Its courtship! In healthy relationships,there is an ongoing or periodic re-courting.That's very romantic!One way to think about this is to ask yourself how you would act if you just meet your current partner and were attracted but had no history together.Probably pretty different.Try it,I think you will like the results!
WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP NOW?
You might want to look at what is keeping you from having a nice love relationship.Often we are our own worst enemies.Are you shy?Are you afraid of rejection? Commitment? Are you desperate because you believe you need love? Are you jealous and possessive? Are you procrastinating about social activities? Is there a lot of guilt,anger and frustration for you in relationships?
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
If I Could Touch You..."Poem for Online Love"
|
Dec 29, 2005 9:13 pm
251 Views
|
Lying in the darkness
I close my eyes,
And a million thoughts of you,
Drift through my mind...
You come to me so sweetly,
You come to me so strong,
Could this be heaven?
Could this be real?
How do I explain what I feel?
I reach out to touch you,
But you are so far away...
I begin to run to where you are
For a chance to touch your face...
Before I know it,
Morning has come and I awake,
And think to myself...
If I could touch you...
I would never let you slip away.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
|
LoVe & SeX...
|
Dec 17, 2005 10:54 pm
181 Views
|
SeX...is an amazing experience,in the right context.Within marriage it can be a satisfying glue that bonds husband and wife through good and bad times.Even a difficult or unsatisfying married sex life can become the fulfilling and enjoyable experience it was meant to be.SeX outside marriage.however,undetermines a couple's ability to build a healthy relationship of love and trust.
PaSSiOn...often clouds the judgement of dating or engaged couples,causing them to cave in to the powerful,progressive forces of romance and sexual attraction.That's why it's important for emotional and physical boundaries to be established early in a relationship.
SeXuaL intimacy between husband and wife can be among the most satisfying benefits of marriage,yet many couples feel unfulfilled.Basic gender differences present a primary challenge.Add to that repeated excuses--such as..
1)I'm not in a mood
2)I have a headache
3)We don't have to have sex every night,do we?
And its easy to feel rejected,insecure,and frustrated.
Honest communication is the starting point.Discovering the "WHY" behind sexual dissatisfaction can cover the "HOW" for overcoming the marital bedroom blues.
"If you're struggling with unmet expectations or the fallout of past sexual mistakes..then this blog is for you."
**swettie**
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (swettie_pie47) use [blog swettie_pie47] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
13
|
14
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
215
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
31
|
|
|
|
