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Happiness...
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May 21, 2007 8:59 am
362 Views
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Happiness is the smile that appears when your love walks through the door,
It's the fact that everyday you love her even more
Happiness is smiling when nothing goes your way
Happiness is family when you've had a tired day
Where do you find happiness do you look up or down?
You find it in the mirror at the absence of a frown
Happiness can be described in so many different ways
So let's just hope when it finally comes it will never go away
** swettie **
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Count Your Blessings
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May 21, 2007 8:52 am
356 Views
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Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears.
Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.
Count your health instead of your wealth;
Love your neighbor as much as yourself.
** swettie **
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Letter From GOD To Women...
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May 21, 2007 8:39 am
363 Views
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When I created the heaven and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.
Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects his heart and his lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully.
Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.
Support the man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.
You are My perfect angel. You are My beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and My eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes - don't change them. Your lips - how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose, so perfect in form, your hands so gentle in touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep; I've held your heart close to mine.
Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like Me. Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see Me or touch Me. He could only feel Me.
So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me,
I fashioned in you: My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection and support. You are special because you are the extension of Me.
Man represents My image, woman My emotions. Together you represent the totality of God. So man - treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt Me. What you do to her, you do to Me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father, and the heart of her Father.
Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.
** swettie **
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Make Time For Our Children...
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May 21, 2007 8:37 am
353 Views
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Sometimes we get so caught up in our adult lives
We are busy working, trying to pay the bills
We are busy seeking to fulfill our own pleasures
That our children get lost along the way
Our children are precious gifts given to us by God
We need to remember to love them, hug them, encourage them
Nourish them, listen to them, support them
We need to remember to give them our TIME
We need most importantly to share with them about God
We are their teachers, God has entrusted His children to us
We seek God's guidance in helping our children, His children
So that our children will grow up to be loving, caring, successful adults
So today and everyday remember to
make time for our children
** swettie **
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11 Lessons In Life
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May 21, 2007 8:33 am
344 Views
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* It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
* A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
* The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
* It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
* It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
* Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
* Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
* Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
* A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.
* The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
* Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying
** swettie **
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Living with an IMS man...(Irritable Male Syndrome)
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Feb 17, 2006 9:55 am
783 Views
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If you are living with an IMS man...you may feel you are losing the person you love most and care about.Your sex life is probably not good.There is often tension in your love-making and even when there is passion and excitement,something is missing.What you miss even more than the enjoyment and comfort of lovemaking is the feeling of safety and intimacy you once felt.The gentle touches and warm smiles are distant memories.Where he used to feel warm and cuddly,he now seems cold and prickly.You may feel you are on an emotional roller coaster,whipped up and down and side to side.There are times you'd just like to get out and walk away,but you remember how things used to be and long for what you hope can still be in the future.You probably feel hurt and you likely feel lonely.You long to get the man back who you loved and used to know.
According to the research,The women who live these men say things like:
*I feel like I have to walk on egg-shells when I'm around him.
*I never know when I'm going to say something that will set him off.
*He's like time bomb ready to explode but I never know when.
*Nothing I do pleases him.
*When I try and do nice things,he pushes me away.
*He'll change in an eye-blink.One minute he's warm and friendly.The next,he's cold and mean.
The men don't often recognize their own hypersensitivity.Rather their perception is that they are fine but everyone else is going out of their way to irritate them.
The IMS men say things like:
*Stop bothering me
*You know,I don't like that.Why do you keep doing
it.
*Leave me alone.
*No,nothing's wrong.I'm fine.Stop asking me
questions.
*The kids always...(it's always negative).The kids
never...(do the right things).
*Why don't you ever....want sex?Do what I want to
do,do something with your life,think before you
open your mouth,do things the right way.
*You damn....fool,bitch,etc.As IMS progresses, the
words get more hurtful.
*They don't say anything.They increasingly
withdraw into a numbing silence.
So,What happened?
*Men expriencing IMS can change,seemingly over-
night,from "peaceful" to "agigated",from "loving
to mean",from "content" to "discontented".
*Although not always the case,there may be some
triggering event such as a crisis with a close
friend or relative.
*Often,the man describes his roles as a son,a
father,a husband,a friend.He may feel trapped and
believe he has lost his sense of self,his own
sense of identity."When will it be time for me?"
he may want to scream.
*In his fear and confusion,he may feel he has to
pull away,destroy the old in order to move on to
something new.
Jed Diamond,Therapist and Author of the book IRRITABLE MAN SYNDROME,explains:
IMS is a multi-dimensional problem that affects
and is affected by hormonal,physical,psychological
emotional,interpersonal,economic,social,sexual,and
spiritual changes.One of the reason it is so difficult to understand and deal with is its complexity.He say's that "In our 21st century world of high technology and specialization,we tend to see problems in either or terms.
It's either physical or psychological;biological or social;personal or interpersonal.The result is we go to one specialist to treat our heart,a different one to take care of our psyches,and still a third to deal with physical pain.No one deals with the whole person,much less the person in the context of his family,community,and social environment.Mr.Diamond said,We are learning about the very nature of life,how the genes lay the foundation for who and what we are.But we seem to be losing the larger picture of what it means to be healthy human being.
Who do we go to see about the increasing stress in our lives?Where do we learn about ANDROPAUSE(male menopause)and the changes in men as we age?How do we find out about the hormonal tides that affect males at all ages?What do we do when our problems are larger than can be understood by looking at our lives?We are social beings and can't be understood apart from our mates,our parents,our children,our friends,our communities,the world we live in and our view of the spiritual world beyond,Mr Diamond explain.
In trying to describe something that is new,it is difficult to come up with a short,accurate,and useful definition.I expect that IMS difinition will change through time as we gather some more information and conduct further research:
Current difinition of Irritable Man Syndrome(IMS):
A state of hypersensitivity,anxiety,frustration,and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes,hormonal fluctuations,stress,and loss of male identity.
Whereas feelings like anger,anxiety,and frustration can occur quickly and end quickly,irritability can develop into a mood state that can last over a long period of time and can trigger these feelings over and over again.It can have a major impact on our whole lives."When we're in a mood it viases and restricts how we think,Psychologist say's.
In describing these kinds of negative moods,research say's"It makes us(men) vulnerable in ways that we are normally not.So the negative moods create a lot of problems for us,(men)because they change how we think.If men wake up in an irritable mood,they are looking for a chance to be angry.Things that ordinarily would not frustrate us(men)do.The danger of a mood is not only that it biases thinking but that it increase emotions.When men is in irritable mood,the anger comes stronger and faster,lasts longer,and is harder to control than usual.It's a terrible state.
IMS Men in Midlife:
Men at this time of life often want to be free,They want to shed the old ways and find a new self that they can relate to as their age.They often don't know how to bring that about destroying what they have.However,with guidance and support,they can be free and also keep the closeness they crave as well.
The first very brave step that men in IMS can do toward personal freedom is by saying " that's me" in the privacy of his Psychiatrist.
No one could help men in dealing with IMS,but his self alone.He needs to educate himself and learn how to deal with it,and be aware of what to happen.
**swettie**
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Men and IMS...(Irritable Male Syndrome)
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Feb 17, 2006 8:35 am
788 Views
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Men IMS...What is it?
Author and Therapist Jed Diamond intoduces IMS,The Irritable Male Syndrome as an important element of midlife that just cannot be overlooked or taken lightly,Although IMS affects Males of any age,it seems to "take wings" in men in midlife.
IMS is incredibly common:
Research said that up to 30% of men experience it.They says that 'this is a male version of PMS,or premenstrual syndrome for women".
Under the circumstances of stress and particular dietary changes,men exibit symptoms of Irritable Male Syndrome,much like women do with PMS.
What is IMS?
Irritable Male Syndrome defines as:A state of hypersensitivity,anxiety,frustration,and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes,hormonal fluctuations,stress,and loss of male identity.
Here is the top 20 feeling states and behaviours that are characteristic of men going through IMS.
Angry,Impatient,Blaming,Dissatisfied,Sarcastic, Anxious,Hypersensitive,Unappreciated,Tense, Unloving,Hostile,Argumentative,Depressed, Frustrated,Withdrawn,Sad,Defiant,Defensive, Demanding,Troubled
IMS often express itself in two ways.
It can be"acted out" or "acted in." Sometimes men express these feelings outwardly,becoming angry,blaming,defensive or demanding.At other times,the irritability is turned within and they feel anxious,tense,sad or troubled.Many times men go back and forth and their relationship becomes an emotional rollercoaster.
IMS Points of Understanding:
*Although IMS can occur at any age,it is quite
common at midlife.
*It can often feel like everything you thought
you knew about relationship is in question.
*IMS often strikes those who are most successful.
"Having it all" can be a curse as well as a
blessing."
*The first symptoms can be quite mild and diffi-
cult to distinguish from the kind of irritability
that is a normal part of life.
*Later,the irritability becomes more prevalent
and/or more blaming and angry.
*IMS at midlife often is related to unresolved
issues from childhood.Abuse that has been hidden
or covered through the years begins to emerge.
*A man feels like the life force is draining out
of him and that he must escape if he is to
survive.
*Though he may love his partner,he feels that
something vital is missing.He often express this
as "I love you,but I'm not in love with you".
*He may feel a need to move out,find his own place
and find himself.He is vulnerable to flirtations
or affairs.He is looking for love in all the
wrong places.
*It takes a very courageous and insightful man to
recognize that IMS is contributing to whatever
problems he is experiencing.Learning about it and
working through these issues may be the most
difficult but important thing he does in life.
It may be a "male" issue but the wives notice it first:
If you're a man,you may be aware that life is more stressful than it should be.At times you may feel that the hassles of life are more than you can take.
You think you should be able to handle things,but you sometimes think how nice it would be to get away from it all.You can't understand why all your efforts to make things better seem to have the opposite effect.You're tired of feeling that nothing you do is right.
It seems that the people you most rely on are no longer on your side.People at work seem more adversarial than supportive.Old friends may have dropped away or are no longer as close.Your children treat you differently and you may have lost connection and contact.Your wife seems to withdraw from you sexually.Where she used to feel warm and cuddly,she now seems cold and prickly.She seems to nitpick at the smallest thing you do or forget to do.It's increasingly difficult to relax around her.You feel guarded and protective,but also lonely and misunderstood.You too,long to have the kind of relationship where you can relax and enjoy the ease of intimacy you seem to have lost.
**swettie*
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Andropause...(Male Menopause...)
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Feb 16, 2006 11:06 am
789 Views
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ANDROPAUSE: What it is?
With a casual look in the dictionary you probably wouldn't find it.So what is it?
Well,the medical dictionary calls andropause:
"An age related decline in serum testosterone levels in older men to below the normal range in young men that is associated with a clinical syndrome(i.e.,symptoms and signs)consistent with androgen(testosterone)deficiency".
Don't let this definition scare you though;decreasing levels of testosterone production in the male body is normal to aging.The drop off in testosterone production begins as early as your college years.It normally occurs so gradually that a man in his twenties through thirties will seldom even notice.This decline however becomes more important to a man as he reaches midlife.
With recent generations of men experiencing a much longer life span than the generations prior the midlife issues that we face today are common to men between the ages of 38 to 60,give or take a year or two.Andropause,also called "male menopause"is one such issue that requires our attention.
Research say's,
"The most common problem associated with male menopause is depression,which is closely related to impotence and problems with male sexuality."
It is expected that "approximately 40%of men in their 40's,50's and 60's will experience some degree of difficulty in attaining and sustaining erections,lethargy,depression,increased irritability and mood swings that characterize male menopause."
The symptoms of depression in men remain more often unrecognized.
Some reports that there are several reasons for this:
*The symptoms of male depression are different than the classic symptoms we think of as depression.
*Men deny they have problems because they are supposed to be strong.
*Men deny they have a problem with their sexuality and don't understand the relationship with depression.
*The symptom cluster of male depression is not well known so family members,physicians and mental health professionals fail to recognize it.
Male depression has devastating consequences,research said.
*80% of all suicides in the U.S. are men.
*The male suicide rate at midlife is three times higher;for men over 65,seven times higher.
*The history of depression makes the risk of suicide seventy eight times greater.
*20 million American will experience depression sometimes in their lifetime.
*60-80% of depressed adults never get professional help.
*It can take up to ten years and three health professionals to help.
*80-90% of people seeking help get relief from their symptoms.
Differences between Male and Female depression:
Men are more likely to act out their inner turmoil,while women are more likely to turn their feelings inward.
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Men in Midlife...(Male Metamorphosis)
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Feb 16, 2006 10:17 am
804 Views
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Midlife Transition means many things:
*It is a reassessment of where you have been in life followed by a change in where you are going.
*It is a physical change.You body is changing and the male hormone(testosterone)that makes you male is not being produced at the levels you formerly knew.This changes is frequently called"ANDROPAUSE".
*It is an emotional change.There is nothing to be ashamed about undergoing emotional change.Many men in midlife transition experience deep depression yet we demand we "be strong" and many men fail to get help through this time of changes.Neither do we care to speak about how we are feeling.This emotional change however,is very deep seated and very real.A man that has experienced such change is often radically transformed into being more of a man than he has ever been before.
About Sex...
There is so much written today about women's midlife changes...surrounding menopause,but how about men?Do men undergo similar changes in their bodies?
Recent Therapist studies say..."YES".
Sex Also Changes After Forty...
Mens changes are much change stretches over a period of time.The male hormone (testosterone) is "all about sex,baby" and has been the driving influence for much of his life all the way up to midlife.
At midlife,a man is coming to grips with the fact that his youthful vigor is ver simply no longer there as in his earlier years.Testosterone production has been tapering off all those years through his twenties and then thirties and while his mind is telling him that the action should be there when he feels like having sex,the body isn't as cooperative;or even the reverse may be true.
Midlife Crisis...
A man in midlife crisis is tired.He is tired of his tired body,he is tired of keeping up with demands upon him,and he is tired of the demands on his time.He has had it with increasing pressures at work.He's like a hamster,caught in his cage,running on his wheel.he has to keep running or he will lose his balance...
The midlife man is in transition.He looks back at life up until now and measures it against his remaining life.He reassesses his goals and finds them seemingly out of reach,his accomplishments and finds them wanting in the balance.When he determines that life is"like a box of chocolates"but his chocolate has been"laxative" instead,he becomes primed for depression and a midlife crisis.
Male depression is significantly different from female depression.You don't often see what could be considered usual signs but you see it in the effect it produces.
Looking back over his life,the MLC man recalls happier moments and happier times.He often begins to grasp for these moments and attempt to reintroduce them into his life as "feel good antidotes" to his depression.He may lengthen his hair,buy a new and much younger wardrobe,trade in the minivan for a sports car,enter the party life and even have an affair.These things are done to "self medicate" his depression.Although he appears to be having a good time,his reality is much different,what is seen is the facade and often he will create this fantasy life in secret.
Wives of men in midlife crisis suffer traumatically during this phase of transition by not understanding him or the changes he is making.If his "MLC"leads to an affair,many are hurt painfully in his wake.The incidence of divorce increase at midlife.
Equally misunderstood about MLC is that it is a transition.A temporary state that at it's best lasts only a few months;while at its worst could last a decade.Survival is critical for the MLC man,his spouse and family.
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(FOR MEN),MIDLIFE TRANSITIONS...
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Feb 16, 2006 9:23 am
805 Views
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(An article from the FortySixty.Org)
Research said:
*Many men tell us they feel burned out at midlife:
*I'm tired of it all.
*I just want to escape.
*When is it time for me?
*I'm tired of giving,giving,giving.
70 million of us are entering midlife every year.12 million in America alone.
Yet,there is a large gap in resources as available to us at this stage of life much less to help us understand the changes we are experiencing.These changes are much too important to ignore or misunderstand.
Studies indicate that 80% of all North American suicides are males and that out of this 80% is a dramatic increase in numbers at midlife.
This case study is a compilation of information,commentary and links to resources obtained in this research that circumvents the many hours you would need to gain on your own.The emphasis you will find in this blog is about the changes that a man experiences at midlife and although not everyone will experience what is known as "midlife crisis";everyone will experience a "midlife transition."
Some of the markers that may indicate that you are already in this period of changes are:
*You become aware of your physical changes- hair
loss,weight gain(around the middle,muscular tone
and more.
*You undertake a self-appraisal of your life to
date.
*You feel that your life has been wasted on cons-
tantly giving and the hard work you have done so
that everyone else around you may be comfortable.
You ask..."What about me now?"
*You feel depressed and that your life is a
failure.
*You begin to hide your feeling of depression
through self medicating and you seek out "feel
good" antidotes.
*Your lifestyle changes.You spend more.
*You may have an extramarital affair.
*You may have even lost marriage,family,home,job
and hope.
*You notice a loss or changes in your sexual drive
and performance.
*You enter a full blown midlife crisis.
If we look seriously at "Midlife Transation" and the issues associated with it,we need to look also at several underlying causes and triggers.These includes IMS(Irritable Male Syndrome),Andropause(male menopause,Male Depression and the very normal Midlife Transition.While all men will experience a Midlife Transition as part of their normal walk through adulthood;not all men will endure a Midlife Crisis,IMS, serious Andropause or Midlife Male Depression.However,all of these features may appear,very often fully developed,during a man's midlife transition.The disparities between these are not often readily defined.What makes a Midlife Crisis is very often a man's response to any or all of these during his midlife transition.
SO,WHAT HAPPENED?
*Men experiencing this transition at midlife can change,seemingly overnight,from "peaceful" to "agitated",from "loving to mean",from "content" to "discontented".
*Although not always the case,there may be some triggering event such as a crisis with a close friend or relative
*Often the man describes his roles as a son,a father,a husband,a friend.He may feel trapped and believe he has lots his sense of self,his own sense of identity."When will it be time for me?"he may want to scream.
*In his fear and confusion he may feel he has to pull away,destroy the old in order to move on to something new.
Without a doubt,the one that finds his self in the midst of these at midlife has arrived here completely unaware and unprepared.
This transition seemed to approach you naturally over the course of time;paradoxically,it appears in your life rather suddenly - typically within the span of a year or possibly two.
The spouse of a man in this "interlude" is often bewildered by his sudden changes in posture.In reality though there have been several precursors to the "big one" that suddenly appears to change everything.He may have had several shorter bouts of depression ot irritably prior to this,but they seemed minor in comparison to what appears today.
A man in this state will often deny that he is having a problem because this did occur "gradually sudden" and also included a measure of decision on his part.Instead he might indicate various problem points in his marriage relationship as the issue that he is reacting to.These "problem points" arrive at the forefront of his explanations for his behavior.They very often blindside him to the factual issues at the foundation of his actions.The reality is however that xx number of years he has effectively managed through these problem points yet today he is not.He may debatably infer that he has"simply had enough" to justify his actions.The bottom line is the question."Are his actions out of character for the man that he is?If so,then he may be in a midlife crisis.
Seventy percent of the problem points indicated by men in this "crisis" are surrounding "sex in the marriage",typically the lack of it.Thirty percent are ascribed to irritable characteristics betweenthe couple that he now finds irreconcilable.Typical in both of these is that he withdraws from the marriage relationship whether this is by isolating himself"in his own mind" or by moving out,or by engaging with another companion.
Although isolation is a necessary process in midlife transition;the "crisis" occurs when a man fills up his time with peripheral activities that assuage his feeling of misery.The "crisis" itself goes first to his mate.A man that is assuaging his misery through "feel good antidotes" is seldom experiencing a "crisis" at all.His crisis only really appears when he must either give account for his actions(usually in court) or when he awakes to his own character compromises and now wants out of them.
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To link to this blog (swettie_pie47) use [blog swettie_pie47] in your messages.
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