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YOU MUST KNOW ME FIRST

you will know me better by reading my blog....this blog is my outlet....whatever i feel...whatever it is that's on my mind...i put and write it down here...you can tell who i am by reading my blog because this is the real me



just enjoy reading my blog....it's a true feelings and story...

Things that Happen...101 days!!!
Posted:Jun 24, 2007 12:18 am
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2007 5:30 pm
2662 Views
I am still here on the island of Saipan.....it's my 101 days right now!!!!

There are some things that happened to me around here that i haven't got the chance to post in my blog...

***For the second time i had the chance to jam and perform with my former band...the former HOTLIPS BAND...in Mr. Wonderful Club wherein they have a gig every Saturday and Sunday...How I miss the stage and the performance...hayyyy!!!

***I went out with HOTCRUSHER for lunch and we did talked about so many things but unluckily he never give in to my suggestion about the kids...talking about his support...and here, I have learned that "we" really can't be FRIENDS....

***I stayed for 16 days to a friends house, BIGBOY and CHELAY...while bigboy is in the Philippines for a business vacation, I stayed with Chelay...she was a wonderful friend and met them here only when i arrive here last March..(it's another story )

***I went out with friends around, old and new and got intoxicated and even though intoxicated, my mind is still alert and clear....

***Never losing that hope... that one day I will find a job...still trying my best in applying....

***That I am stubborn really...whew!!!

How time flies...101 days!!!! Until when should I wait????...actually if ever my employer give me my repatriation ticket then maybe I will go back even without a single cent from my claim....

Ang yaman ko naman kung vacation lang ako dito.....

hayyy if only you knew what I am going through...I am really a GREAT PRETENDER......

9 Comments
Oh WHAT A LIFE!!!
Posted:Jun 21, 2007 10:32 pm
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2007 10:12 pm
2387 Views
Life...how could one explain LIFE???

Life can be very meaningful
Life can be mysterious
Life can be wonderful
Life can be cruel
Life is why we exist

With whatever that is going on with my life, I can say I've been through the ups and down of life. I do experienced a lot of things.

I've been bad...I've been good...I had joys and happiness...I do have tears and loneliness...I travelled...I met a lot of people from different walks of life...I have won...and I have lost...

Everything that I have encountered. I never thought I could make it but where I am right now?? Still figthing and battling with life...

Now, asking myself where would life lead me this time??? With the pain of lost I am into...but still I am strong, I know!!

There are times that I am so tired and afraid, but still overcome it with my faith and strenght...

Life...is how we manage it and how other people tries to manipulate it....but still LIFE is ours....only ours alone......

Sorry, but our life really to belongs to the One UP there....He gave it us and He is the only One who has the right to get it from us....

how about you??? how's life treating you????

3 Comments
my 95 days....
Posted:Jun 18, 2007 9:28 pm
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2007 8:42 pm
2479 Views

Yes, I am on my 95 days here on the island called SAIPAN...never thought I would stay these long...a lot of things happened to me, which brings a lot of surprises..

During my stay here, I saw and met some of my acquaintances around wherein suprisingly never thought that I am really back here on the island...I have met NEW friends around...who in one way or another makes my stay here quite easy to overcome things i can't handle...

I came over for our Labor case here, filed August 2004, wherein we actually won but unluckily my former employer filed an appeal to prolong it because he doesn't want to pay...and until now it was still unheard and decision has not come out yet...

I decided to stay, taking a risk of finding a job, the opportunity to stay much longer and of course to help me out for the studies of my kids...but due to the reason that Saipan is actually suffering from economic downturn, it is really hard to land a job...they do prefer locals, US Citizen or Immediate Relatives (IR),I, as a NON RESIDENT (alien) worker...will be in queue for any jobs that I am applying for...

The island is suffering a lot right now, but people still, are taking chances of finding a job..Wage hike has been approved, from $3.05 to $3.50 for the minimum wage and the talks about FEDERALIZATION...which I know most of the people around are waiting for..

Last June 12..I was given the right to stay and now holding a memorandum which can be change into a TEMPORARY WORK AUTHORIZATION, if I could find an employer then...

Nah...95 days still waiting and hoping, but until when??? I really want to give up, having a second thought...lots of things settle...ME, MYSELF....hayyyy
6 Comments
FATHER'S DAY 2007
Posted:Jun 16, 2007 9:49 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2007 6:22 pm
2385 Views

It's the 3rd Sunday of June...and this Sunday is a special day to all the FATHER's around...

Lucky are those who still have their grandad/pa and father's around..they can still spent timewith thyem on these very special day....but to those without a father, like me, I will live will his memories and offer a prayer and light a candle for him...how i do miss my father....

With regards to my kids. Yes, they do have a father but he is not around also for them on these special day...well, i think everyone knows where he is right now....

But please don't ever, ever forget..and don't be sad....to those who still their father and to those who don't....Just look up to the sky...We all have ONE FATHER around....the Almigthy will always be here for us...He is the father of all fathers....

Lord, Happy father's day!

and to all my friends....

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!!!
5 Comments
A nice PRAYER....
Posted:Jun 11, 2007 12:03 am
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2007 4:34 pm
5382 Views

I just received this from a good friend, Joyce, through my email and this prayer is worth sharing to those who believe HIM and have faith....

PRAY THIS EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT. IT WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.

You never know when God is going to bless you! Good things happen when you least expect them to.

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day.
I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning.
I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God.
You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept
all things.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.
And It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart.
Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others.
Keep me strong that I may help the weak...
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way.
I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don't know You intimately.
I pray for those that don't believe.

But I thank you that I believe.
I believe that God changes people and God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers.
For each and every family member in their households.
I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.

God Bless. Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves.

God
I love you and I need you, come into my heart, please.

***sharing this to you...
7 Comments
Signs...SIGNS...signs....
Posted:Jun 9, 2007 9:59 pm
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2007 9:23 pm
2332 Views

This is just a continuation of my last blog....about my experience the other day!!!

While I was crying in one dark side of the room, I kept on talking to Someone Up there...I am
not really used in asking Him SIGNS, but that night while in between sobbing, crying and talking to Him...I did asked Him for a sign about the predicament that I am going through...

I've waited for about 30 minutes...if there's no sign then the answer is "NO"...but He gave it to me...I am very thankful that night and the pain and hurt still intact with me...but I do believe HIM...I felt I was touched by the Holy Spirit in my right shoulder and arm...amazing!

He really can do miracles...I do have faith in Him...He will do whatever He promise...all i need to do now is patiently wait for that time to happen...

God bless....I know God will never put me into these kind of predicament if I can't handle it right...I am still strong and can face realities of life....

Is God with you????
7 Comments
What happen TODAY........
Posted:Jun 8, 2007 8:43 am
Last Updated:Jul 29, 2007 6:01 pm
2505 Views

Today, June 8, Friday....I have these two kind of experience which I really can't forget for the rest of my life....

Let me first gather my thoughts with what had occurred and happened...whew...my eyes are swelling right now from the tears that flows down from my eyes and it is really an unstoppable one...together with the sobbing and crying silently in one corner of the room where I am staying....

This is really unexpected and I never really thought that it would happen...

For the last two months, I am focusing myself on something else which I know is much more worthy, even though there are times that I still think of him....but really trying to let go and move on...for the last two months that I never got the chance to see him was a great relieved for me....YES! we are on the same small island...but still got lucky that I never bumped on him....

But today....oh my!!!!

I am not really prepared....Me and my friend decided to take a walk this afternoon...we we're joking while walking, talking about so many things...about life here in Saipan..the people...the government...my status....my situation...my friends...but not about HIM....for i want to get him off of my system and life...

On our way back to her car...I saw a couple walking holding hands coming through our way, from a distance I can recognize the guy...but shake my head because I know it is impossible that I would see him/them, as they come near to us....it was really him and his new girl...I was shaking and sweating all over..I run fast to hide...but said to myself why should I hide??? So, I come out from where I am hiding and walked straight...they still hold hands...He was looking at me with a mad expression from his face while I also took a quick glance on his new girl, we just continue walking and they did the same as if there's nothing unusual...after that...they don't even look back..well, i knew because i did looked back to their direction....I was really shaking...sweat and tears combined....why do i have to let them see that I am strong and okey...that i don't mind seeing them even though deep inside I was really hurting...whew! I am really a great pretender....that is the FIRST time that i come face to face with his girl...the girl seems so proud and never mind seeing me....of course because SHE WON THE BATTLE...what do I expect????

Just thinking if you are in that situation...what do you think the guy will think afterwards??? how about the new girl???

whew..i think this is long enough....will continue with my other experience...I am already tired and wanted to have a rest right now.....
13 Comments
FRIENDS......are ANGELS!!!!
Posted:Jun 6, 2007 11:28 pm
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2007 7:08 pm
2070 Views

Have you ever wonder about ANGELS?????

I believe now that angels are just around the corner...angels as we believe do have wings on their back as we envisioned them and by seeing them on pictures...

By today with all these things that's going on with my life...the pain, the hardships that I am going through....angels keeps on coming my way...

It is really hard to name names around who in one way or another has shown me CARE and do help me with all of these predicaments...from the start before coming over to Saipan and up to this minute...

Friends are my ANGELS WITHOUT WINGS...they just pop up out of nowhere... some of them sometimes are willing to lend a helping hand...words of wisdom...advices...thoughts...and I do really thank God for I know He keeps on sending me all of these angels to lift me up..(even though some are putting me down)...

To all my ANGELS...i KNOW that I am referring to you, to all of YOU!!!!!...so I THANK YOU and grateful for all the things that you are doing and about to do to help me out of this mess...I know God will bless you same as He blessed me in finding my FRIENDS WITHOUT WINGS!!!!!

I can't reward you now...but time will come that I will be with you and help you or either other angels will come your way.....

GOD BLESS!!!!!!!
2 Comments
The MOVIE
Posted:Jun 4, 2007 9:16 pm
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2007 9:01 pm
2060 Views

Do you have the chance to watch "CONVERSATION WITH GOD"????? I do!

I was really touched by the movie..I know God has His own ways to tell us that He will always be around..through our family, friends, the things and people we meet along the way...He really won't forsake us...and will always be by our side...

If He really want to send us a message, we can receive it in so many different ways, like songs or whatsoever...just believe...just listen..especially to your heart!

As for now, I do have one wish...to let me show the way...to let me know what to do...to tell me what is the right decision....SIGNS....SIGNs....SIGNs....

The movie is soooo touching to watch that i was glued on the television and don't want to miss any single scene of it....

With my situation here in Saipan right now, it seems like it come on the right time, watching it and it is really worthy....
2 Comments
NO TITLE....
Posted:Jun 1, 2007 10:28 am
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2007 7:06 am
2127 Views
It's JUNE now, how time flies....we are now on the 6 month of year 2007...it seems like Christmas and New year happened only just yesterday...JUNE...back to school in the Philippines...Graduation time here in Saipan and the start of their vacation...

Yes, I am still here in Saipan...anticipating things will work out fine with me...and same as regretting coming over here...it's a cross road now with me...

While here, I do realized a lot of things...REALITY CHECK as other called it...and it is the eye opener for everything, not really for everything for I still have lots of questions going on around my head...but help me a lot in accepting defeat and lost...I always comes out as a WINNER, before, and i really can't accept DEFEAT and LOST...but right now, this is the time God made me realized that ACCEPTANCE is the best way to find peace....

There are things that better left unsaid...rather than to hurt people around, better to be quiet than to be noisy....to make things better...

I know, still, with what my former employer, the labor officials, the Ombudsman office, the lawyer and someone has done to me..it will surely leave a mark, a scar....and it taught me a lesson...but at least...i don't have any WHAT IF'S....

so much for this....will be back....

2 Comments

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