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you will know me better by reading my blog....this blog is my outlet....whatever i feel...whatever it is that's on my mind...i put and write it down here...you can tell who i am by reading my blog because this is the real me

just enjoy reading my blog....it's a true feelings and story...

Just a thought!
Posted:Sep 9, 2007 4:38 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2007 6:14 pm
September 10, a date that will always be remember…..wherein before I always marked it on my calendar because it was one of the special occasion that surely I should not miss..

Going back to memory lane, it was September 10, 1989, 18 years already. It was what you call a whirlwind courtship. A new relationship has just started. Thinking that it would last a lifetime. That nothing could possibly make us separate…though in the back of my mind there’s also fear that one day I know I will surely lost him….

16 years has passed….we do love and care for each other, we do share a lot of things, we’ve worked together as a band, we do have lovely kids, we have our ups and downs, we do fight, jealousy and some other matters…It become so stagnant for because we belong to the same job, we are always together from morning till next morning for the last 15 years of our togetherness,,,,the sweetness has gone astray, we’ve become so close to each other that it seems like thinking that we are just there…who sez that all relationship are perfect and all bed of roses????

Then one day, everything has change, one has a change of heart and preferences. There are lots of lies, of pain and hurt. Getting tired of what we are used to. On my part , it’s hard to accept that fact but what else can I do? NOTHING!!!! And yes, it’s true, if a person love you no one or nothing can make him/her leave your side but if not, nothing can make him/her stay.

Now, it’s been 2 years that he was not around, well, he’s around but unlike before it’s different. I am all alone while he was happy with someone else, just thinking is he really happy now? Well, should I ask??? I have my own life to live and he got his.

This date will always be remember, but there won’t be anymore pain, but still have a special place in my heart. This is the same date of their anniversary, they are celebrating it now, while I am here.……all alone!!!! It was suppose to be our 18 years and now it’s their one year…is it coincidence???? Who knows?????

Well, just having time for reminiscing here and thinking out loud…..sorry guys!

Is this TRUE???
Posted:Sep 6, 2007 4:54 am
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2007 2:00 am
I heard this song sang by the group RETRO JAM in one of their gigs, I can't help but shed a tear while listening to this song..I know each one of us around here has a HABIT which they can't break...a Habit wherein they are used to...A habit that they can't easily get rid of...

This is one of my favorite song....hope you'll like it too...


I guess I thought youd be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You dont know what ya got until its gone
And I found out just a little too late

I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doin you a favor I hardly knew you were there
But then you were gone and it was all wrong
Had no idea how much I cared

Now being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
But I dont want to
Living without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting easier
Its the hardest thing to take
Im addicted to ya babe
Youre a hard habit to break

You found someone else you had every reason
You know I cant blame you for runnin to him
Two people together but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin

After all of these years
Im still tryin to shake it
Doin much better they say that it just takes time
But deep in the night its an endless flight
I cant get ya out of my mind


2nd chorus:
Being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
I dont want to
Being without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
Its the hardest thing to take
Im addicted to you
Youre a hard habit to break


Posted:Sep 4, 2007 4:51 am
Last Updated:Sep 13, 2007 1:08 am
Do you beleive that there's luck??? I was just thinking about this while inside the game room...watching people trying their luck to win some money by gambling...Of course what do you expect to people coming inside the place where I am working right now....

There's this guy1 who was sitting and playing poker in poker machine for about 20 minutes but he never win any single quarter, then the other one, guy2, that was sitting beside guy1 was winning a lot...when the guy1 (the loser) get up and transfer to another machine, guy2 (the winner) beside him transfer to where the guy1 {the loser} is playing even though he still has some money insdie the other machine...I did asked him, guy2, why he transferred to that machine wherein he was still playing with one of our machine, He just smiled at me and tell me that "I just want to try my luck on these machine because I think this is my lucky day, unlike the other one who left, it's not his day today" and HE DID WIN!

Now, thinking maybe there's really luck...or this one comes into my mind, what my parents always tries to tell us during the time where are still young...."Ang swerte ng iba ay hindi mo swerte, ang swerte mo ay hindi naman nila swerte, kaya hanapin mo ang swerte mo" (hirap i-translate )

This can be true...in whatever, love, family, relationship...as we can see some people are contented with what they have, some people are happy with their married life, some people have children, some don't have, some are in the higher position, some stays where they are, some people don't mess around, some people are faithful with their relationship with the wife and family...

But, the only thing that i could still remember is that my parents told us, not to envy those people who we think are so lucky, and getting everything in their life...

Sabi nga nila "Don't worry, darating din ang swerte mo and kung ano yung para sa iyo, be contented with it!"

Well, just want to share with you what's in my thoughts now and remembering my parents and the good things they taught us while we are younger...

How could it be???????
Posted:Sep 2, 2007 4:28 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2007 12:37 am
Something happened to me, unexpectedly, but still I tried to keep my cool but my heart is pounding. I was shaking...

I don't want to elaborate things around here, but hey!, this doesn't involve the guy who broke my heart..

Just asking myself:

***how could a friend let you down?
***how could a friend be mean and rude to you?
***how could a friend tries to help you but then in the end will make you feel you owe her your life?
***That your so called friend wants to get hold of you, like a dog, wherein she just want you to say YES to everything she will tell you, even though it hurts you a lot?
***That she has the right to embarassed you in front of other friends?
***That she has the right to shout and command things at you?

Now, i know the difference sa MABUTI at MABAIT...

I was doing all my best naman because of that so called "PAKIKISAMA"...pero why it seems that it is STILL NOT ENOUGH!!!! I tried to be patient with her attitude, the way she treat me...but still to no avail. I can still hear bad things...hayyy!!!

Now, I do realized that NOT all of your so called friends will treat you the way you treat them and the way you wanted to be treated....with RESPECT!

But still, no matter what, I know I still owe her something and I am grateful because in one way or the other she do helped me...

Hayy, just trying to blog something here...just like an update about me....

RELATIONSHIP....working it out..!!!
Posted:Aug 31, 2007 4:40 am
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2007 9:54 pm
There are so many kinds of relationships, relationship with family, with friends, co workers, and of course to someone special. In every relationship, you should not be JUST THE TAKER or JUST THE GIVER, it entails some sacrifices on both side, we need to make some adjustments. It depends on how we could make it successful, blissful healthy and something that will surely last.

Each one of us is a unique individual. Everyone has their own thinking, likes and dislikes and adjusting with it is a sacrifice. We need to have a lot of patience and understanding, accept flaws and open the communication line. Don’t blame or even bring back past mistakes if it’s over and settled. Don’t keep and bring bad thoughts into your mind, instead, think of the positive side and learn how to deal with it.

In a relationship, some do make mistakes and it does hurt and so painful. We must learn to forgive, even though I don’t ask you to forget because there’s a lesson learned in every mistakes. If we don’t forgive and still harbor bitterness and grudges, we tend to suffer, our minds and heart, from pain and won’t have a peaceful life. We don’t want to lead a miserable and complicated life, so, by forgiving, we can start all over again. Remember, if God can forgive; we can do it too, because we are just His creation.

We have to nurture and take good care of any relationship. Don’t ever take a person for granted. Don’t forget the good qualities they have. Beauty and outside qualities fades away in time while the inside qualities stays. It depends on us, on how we could possibly make it work. Be sensitive to other’s need. Be there if someone needed you. Share fun and laughter. We will never pass this way again, the reason we have to make sure that we leave good FOOTPRINTS in every relationship and into their hearts and mind. There’s no harm done in doing good and being humble.

Avoid being judgmental and too much opinionated. There are times that there will be arguments, respect one’s opinion and decision, just give some advices and let the other person comes into his own decision after weighing things out. Allow the person to spread his wings. Give space if needed. Admit mistakes, say sorry if you think and know that you put them in misery and pain then compromise. Be the instrument in bringing out the best in a person. Be grateful and appreciate any relationship that you have.

There are so many things to suggest on how to make a relationship work but it is only you that really matters above it all. Just be yourself, let go and throw away bad attitude and habits. It is not only love which is important to any relationship but the responsibility and commitment as well.

My last word here: Mabuti na yung ikaw ang may masabi sa kanila, rather than sila ang may masabi against you.

Ang Unang Sakit......!!!!!!
Posted:Aug 24, 2007 3:45 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2008 6:06 am
Unang Sakit…

Naranasanan mo na ba ang masaktan?
Nakaya mo ba itong dalhin?
Na para bang gusto mo ng maglaho sa mundo
Na matulog na hindi na magigising

Unang sakit….
Napakahirap, sobra ang sakit
Hindi alam kung ano ang gagawin
Hindi alam kung ano ang sasabihin

Unang sakit….
Hindi basta basta na lang mawawala
Kahit anong gawin, sakit ay mananatili
Sa isipan, Sa puso…ang bigat bigat!

Naririto ako at napakalapit sa sa iyo
Ngunit sa iyo para bang wala ako dito
Lahat ay nabalewala lamang sa iyo
Sapagkat ako para sa iyo ay wala na

Alam mo bang naiisip pa rin kita
Alam mo bang umiiyak pa rin ako
Alam mo bang mahal na mahal pa rin kita
Alam mo bang gusto ko pa rin na makasama ka

Bakit ang unang sakit na yan
Hindi basta mawala-wala
Unang sakit na ikaw ang nagdulot
Hanggang sa huli ay aking dadalhin

Posted:Aug 14, 2007 7:34 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2007 8:46 pm
We really don’t know what to expect in our everyday lives, everyday comes in with a surprise, sometimes we thought it was just an ordinary day. ,but there are things that comes in so unexpectedly.

Well, It was just an ordinary day for me but quite busy in a way, (well, trying to make myself busy hahaha) while at work, assisting players, checking machines and of course counting cash....

I do have a TV monitor in my cashier’s booth, I can see people who comes in and out and the players…but that morning, I was not looking at my monitor, the reason why I don’t see who comes in or out the poker game room.

How come when you try to avoid a person and try to forget him and don’t want to communicate with him…he will just came over in front of you UNEXPECTED…well, during that morning, someone do catch my eye, when I saw a guy approaching my booth. I can’t believe it!! He took off his sunglasses and smile and say “how are you?” MY! OH MY! It was him in front of me…none other than, HOTCRUSHER….I was shaking and nervous, but I do manage to smile and say “I’m okey and what brought you here?”

I never had the chance to talked nor see him for a month and over but that day we had a civil chat for a few minutes, I was trying to cover up my feelings of surprise, shocked, nervousness..YES! my heart beats faster than ever that time. He told me some stories of what had happened to him these past few days..I found out that he drinks alcohol now unlike before, He is usually out with friends going to bars..he even get himself into trouble and fight together with his employer..hayy, time really changes people…

I was asking myself, why did he bother to come over and visit me in my place of work?? Then later on, I found out that youngest daughter, Mea, send her a text message and asking him to visit me….whoa! how come my daughter wants to build a bridge wherein all I want to do now is put up a HIGH WALL between us for now…I am still mending and healing and trying to let go and move on…I won’t able to do it if by chance I would see him…

I have learned and found out also, that by December, his new girlfriend won’t be renewed, which mean that her contract will be expired and still don’t know if she can still find a new employer and work around the island, well, there are lots of ways for her to stay if she or hotcrusher wants her to stay. Hayyy…..

Hey guys, can you give me some explanation about this…I need guy’s opinion…hahaha…

I've missed it......whoa!
Posted:Aug 12, 2007 6:09 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2007 6:07 pm

Just the other day, Micko, my only son send me a text message…here’s what he sent me:

“Ma, musta na, ang tagal mo na hindi online, pinning ko na mamaya, balita ko may work ka na daw basta ingat ka palagi at wag pababayaan sarili mo, miss you, I love you, take care”

Translation: “Ma, how are you, it’s been long time I haven’t see you online, Later, it’s my pinning, I heard that you’ve got a job now, make sure you take care of yourself always, miss you, I love you, take care”

How sweet of my eldest son!! Unluckily, I wasn’t around when he grew up for I need to be working outside the Philippines. Most of those special occasions, like his birthday, Christmas and New Year, I never got the chance to attend his kindergarten and elementary graduation, but make it a point to be there on his High School graduation which was a big drama and one of the special moments I won’t able to forget…I rarely spent it with him…He grew up with my in laws…that’s sad!! But it was never been an obstacle or hindrance to our closeness as mother and son. I tried my very best to be there…luckily we do have internet, wherein we can easily communicate, overseas phone calls, letters and cards…and of course GIFT in every occasions. I tried to put up and build a bridge between us, instead of walls….

Today, He is now on his 3rd year college taking up Nursing, the reason why he told me that it was their PINNING. He really wish I could be there but again unluckily I can’t…My son do understand me..Call of duty for me, and he knew I am doing my best for them and to myself too, as well as for my mother.

My son and I are so close, we do have an open communication, we never hide secrets, he always want to be talked to me even up to the smallest things and details…whenever he got problems, he comes and seek my advice. we understand each other. We are the best of friends…

I am so blessed and glad having a son like him, He never harbor grudges and bitterness towards me. He has shown me love and care, patience and understanding. He is so sweet….I remember whenever he comes home to me, he brings me surprises, he brings pasalubong, even goodies…he kisses me even in front of many people, he was never been embarrassed to introduce me to his friends….

He is a nursing student, guitarist, musician, composer, he is an artist too for he can also draw…He got some or more of his traits from me…..hahaha….maybe, time will come I will have a “the GUITARIST/SINGING NURSE”
My POINT of VIEW....
Posted:Aug 9, 2007 6:36 pm
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2007 12:43 am
Let's talk about LOVE here...anyways, this is a mostly read topic, even me, myself, love to read topics about it...be it sad, be it happy, be it inspirational....be it about happy moments, break ups, moving on...whatever it is.

People do fall in love, once, twice, thrice or for so many times that they allow their heart and feelings to grow.. We just can't control it, it's a natural feeling, sometimes it’s right, sometimes it's wrong, right or wrong person, right or wrong situation, and sometimes we tend to judge them, but we can't really blame them and of course we don’t have the right to suppress their feelings, It’s their choice.

We don't have any control about our feelings, it just beat for someone.

In my experience, I had my share of ups and downs, the bumps and humps of a love relationship. I’ve seen and talked to friends regarding love matters and can’t help asking myself,

“why most relationship ends with bitterness?”
“why a suppose happy relationship has to end?”
“why love has to fade?”
“why people get hurt because of love?”
“why do people fall in love with the wrong person?”
“why it is hard to accept losing a love one to someone else?”
“why God allow us to fall in love and then be hurt at the end?”

There are still lots of questions that really occupy my mind. Questions, which are sometimes, left unanswered. I was a good adviser with regards to love problems but when it comes to my own situation, I can’t help myself. I know most people have gone through about what I am talking about here.

Love and time heals all wounds, they say, but there is mere question of when? It is up on how much you love the person, maybe you will easily fall in love again and take the risk or maybe not, afraid of being hurt again and commit the same mistake. If we fall in love, whether they say it is blind, we have the tendency to justify it.

Love makes the world go round, Love comes in a mysterious ways, Love fills up the emptiness, Love cures the loneliness, Love put sparks in our eyes, Love is a thing a person can’t live without, Love is the reason why we are created...Oh LOVE!

We love because we want to be needed, to be cared for....and of course to be loved...

Love is a chance, a choice, destiny, whatever it is….
Hurt is a feeling done by love
I just wish and hope that Love can only bring happiness and contentment and not hurt, but do we really know? Time only can tell.

Heto na naman......
Posted:Aug 3, 2007 5:31 pm
Last Updated:Aug 11, 2007 5:14 pm

Bakit ba panahon ay di maintindihan
Kanina ay kay tindi ng sikat ng araw
Ngayon ay biglang kumilimlim
Sabay na sa paglamig ng hangin

Heto na naman...
ULan ay muling bumubuhos sa aking bubungan
Nararamdaman ko lamig ng panahon
Naghahanap, nakikiramdam, nananabik...

Ipinikit ko aking mga mata
Upang namnamin ang mga pangarap
Pangarap na sana man lang ay maging totoo
Ngunit di alam kung ito ay mangyayari

Heto na naman...
Ulan at hangin na nagpapalungkot
Sabay hiling na sana ay ikaw ay narito
Sa aking piling at di na aalis

Tuwing ulan ay pumapatak
Hindi ko kayang iwasan
Ikaw ay aking isipin at panabikan
Sana man lang ako ay naiisip mo rin

Heto na naman...
Ulan na hindi mapipigilan
Sabay patak ng luha sa aking mga mata
Katulad ng ulan...di mapipigilan

Sana sa susunod na tag-ulan
Ako at ikaw ay masaya ng magkasama
Ngunit kung hindi man
Sana ay maging masaya na sa susunod na ulan

Heto na naman...
Ulan, kelan ka titigil??
Sana sa iyong pagtigil at paghupa
Wala na rin ang luha sa aking mga mata

Ulan...ulan..ulan...lungkot ang iyong dala
Lamig na hangin kasabay at kasama
Naghahanap ng init ngunit di makita
Sabay hila sa kumot at yapos sa unan
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