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you will know me better by reading my blog....this blog is my outlet....whatever i feel...whatever it is that's on my mind...i put and write it down here...you can tell who i am by reading my blog because this is the real me

just enjoy reading my blog....it's a true feelings and story...

Posted:Jun 23, 2008 5:22 am
Last Updated:Aug 19, 2008 5:17 am
MIssing my blog...don't have the chance to even reply on all your comments...NO intenet access for me for the last few months...even though i do have it is very limited...

Now, an update about me, I do transfer to another island here in CNMI...which is the smallest among the 3 island...TINIAN...

No job still but staying with a new found friend and helping them out with their business...

I really want to go back home but don't know when...

Posted:Apr 22, 2008 5:41 am
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2008 5:22 am
Life is complicated
It is like a roller coaster
Sometimes up there almost touching the sky
Sometimes we’re down feeling hell was with us

Life is like a weather
Sometimes sun comes shining so bright
Sometimes so dark that rain keeps pouring

Life is a like a day
We do have mornings to wake up
We do have night time to sleeps

Life is like a song
We heard some lovely sad songs
We dance with every fast beat rhythm

But every new day is a new beginning
Beginning of hope
Beginning of new challenges

Facing everything with the help of our Lord
Having faith that keeps us stronger
Not losing hope that we will win the battle

Surrendering everything is not act of cowardness
It is not a sign of defeat
But it is way for a new beginning.

Posted:Apr 19, 2008 6:19 pm
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2008 7:14 pm
Everyday, we do have to face challenges. Challenges that bring us to some risks. Every new day is a beginning for something.

I left CNMI island, particularly Saipan on September 2005. I have to return home to the Philippines to give my last respect and see my father. I have the second thought of going for I just started working for a new job. I have been out of work from June 2005 then. But I decided to come home, work and money for me then is important but seeing my father being laid to rest is more important than anything else. By then, I have stayed in the Philippines for a year and half without work but spend more time with my mother and kids. Trying my best to make both ends meet.

Back home, I started to have a new life, a new chapter. I become the light and foundation of the house. Everything is upon my shoulder and I think I have done my best. I started to meet new friends, spent time with them doing charity works voluntarily.

I never thought I could possibly set my foot back to Saipan. A place where I left so many memories behind, from good to bad. March 2005, again, I got a call and needs to fly back. I have no sources; friends help me out with these predicaments.

It’s been 11 months now and still wandering around. I’ve got a job, sometimes for a week and the longest one was for 3 months. There are times that bands invite me to join their group for just a one-night gig; meaning I don’t have a stable job and that’s how I was able to sustain myself here in Saipan But thinking back, I know I really have no life here and I need to go back home and start a new life again.

Here, I am still hurting, all of my friends before is gone now. I have to stand on my own. I am staying with a family of 5 people wherein I do things I’ve never done before. I am like a housekeeper without any salary at all. I even take care of the business doing all the odd jobs. The little princess before becomes a servant. There are times that I do feel helpless, self pity maybe is the right word.

I know these are all trials and can’t help but to cry at night. I am contented and happy with my life before but now, the emptiness is within me. But I still have the strength. I know God has a lot of plans and He only wants me to learn something important. Questions that no answer now will surely have answer. I will patiently wait for that time.

Now, I am planning to go back home to be with my family. I know they miss me the way that I do. Will do things I am doing here to them. There’s no sense of staying here in this small island of Saipan because I know God has a purpose for me in coming here and that is to face reality and taste some hardships and pains of life. That I should learn to sacrifice myself for the happiness of other people. If I go back home, I know I will start a new beginning, a new chapter.

FAVOR AGAIN......???????
Posted:Apr 10, 2008 9:14 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2017 11:53 pm
Back in asking a favor with you guys AGAIN. In my 1 year and 1 month of staying here, there are times that I do have a job and for sometimes people just used me and then don’t hire me or pay me back with the accomplished job I’ve done for them.

This morning, with all the applications and resumes that I have sent, (maybe around a 100 already ) , well it is really hard to find a job right now due to the reason that the island is suffering, yes, the economic downturn, one company has given me a call and schedule me for an interview by Monday. I just hope and wishing, while crossing my fingers, that I would and could fit in for the job opening they have.

Please , for once, I am asking this favor to please do pray for me that I pass the interview on Monday and looking forward on having a job. If would have this job, by then I can’t go back to the Philippines but then I could have an income and can send money back home for my kids and mother. I will able to support them financially.

Prayers for me please…….

Email greeting
Posted:Apr 9, 2008 7:33 am
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2008 9:05 am
happy birthday ma!!!

musta ka na? sana ok ka nmn dyan... anu na balita?
pasado nga pla ako kasama ako sa affiliation....
uhmm tgal mo na rin dyan.. paxenxia na ma mnsan nlng ak mkapgopen
ngyon nga lng ako nbkante eh nkakapagod puro duty pero i find tym para mabati ka nmn neung bday mo... xayang ala ka dito.. uhhm ma xenxia na kc hindi na ako mkagwa tulad ng dting mga msg ko xeu pag bday mu.. uhhm ma ilan taon k n nga ba?...... hheehe.. isang taon nlng graduate na ako... sana mkapasa heheh... hirap ng 3rd yr dmi ntanggal samin.. buti thank god nkalusot ako...
try ko tawag xeu bili ako budget card sa isang araw.. manila kmi duty 1 month kmi don.. 5 ospital iikutin namin... ma dmi pwede ikwento peu di ko lam xuxulat ko heheh... uhmm hope ok ka nmn dyan.. ma hapy hapy birthday ulit... sana ingat ka dyan plagi.. wag mu pabyaan sarili mu..... ok pag ngkausap nlng lit. hapy hapy birthday and dont 4get i love you and im always here 4 you.. god bless and good luck... ingat ka plgi mwuahh.....

***This is the email greeting of my only son....i was touched and tear fell down form my eyes when I read it especially when he wrote this line. "hapy hapy birthday and dont 4get i love you and im always here 4 you.. god bless and good luck... ingat ka plgi mwuahh....."
1 comment
My special day TODAY.....
Posted:Apr 8, 2008 6:49 am
Last Updated:Apr 9, 2008 7:37 am
A special day for me today. It’s my natal day and here I am still in the small island called Saipan. I already went to Church to offer a candle and prayer. Thanking the Lord for keeping me alive and safe up to this age.

Asking myself what I am really doing in this place? I’ve got no work, Am I happy with my life here? Is it worth staying here, waiting and hoping for something to happen. The answer…so confusing….because even me, myself can’t figure it out. I already made a decision but no action was taken on that decision so…it’s useless!!!!

This sufferings and pain happened to me maybe because of my own doing too. I am not blaming anyone. At least I don’t have the what if’s….This is one reality check that even though it really hurt so much I have the courage to face it all and go on with my life.

Nope, I really don’t easily move on..Still I can’t let go but for me, the world won’t stop for me and I have to go on with my life.

I was surprised when a friend called me up and tell me that someone send a birthday greeting in TFC connect for me with my whole name on it. I would like to thank that person personally but it appears that there was no name indicated on who greet me. Thanks for remembering my birthday. You really don’t know that it really made my day that even though I am in the verge of crying, still it uplifts my spirit that people around…family and friends love me for what I am….and remember me!

To all my family and friends around here in this site…..i do really miss you and thanks for greeting me on my special day…..it really makes my day!


Posted:Feb 19, 2008 3:36 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2008 8:18 am

Surrendering is not really accepting that you lose the battle. Surrendering is the way of a new beginning.

to be continued
That's life...that's LOVE....
Posted:Jan 11, 2008 3:49 am
Last Updated:Apr 9, 2008 7:40 am
Life is mysterious and complicated too. There are times that things happened to us, without us, wishing for it. Obstacles which we hardly know that is coming. Sometimes we thought there’s no ending to all our happiness but actually there is. Life is full of trials and sacrifices. We learned a lesson from it. They say there’s no FOREVER in this world. But how about LOVE????

Life and love always combines. One can’t live without the other. Like a two person who truly love one another. TILL DEATH DO THEY PART.

Life and love comes for a reason…You do have life because our parents love us and brought us to see the world. Life is a struggle that even when you are still a young child you struggle to know what life is all about when you grow up. As the songs say “whatever will be, will be, Que sera, sera”

But there are things in life and love that we don’t want to happen but still it has to happen. Some say it happens because it has a purpose. Some says it is written. It is God’s will. It’s our fate and destiny. So confusing…..and we are just coping with it without even knowing why and the reason for it.

They say “Love is God and God is love”, but there are some questions that arises in people’s lives. If God is LOVE, why did He allow us to be hurt because of love? Why He allowed us to feel all the pain because of love? Do we really need to suffer and struggle to find one GREAT TRUE LOVE? Maybe because He love us and give us the freedom to choose what kind of life and love we want to have. It is called FREE WILL.

Nothing in this world is FOREVER, everything has to end, and we just can’t stop it even though we wanted too. If there is life, if there is love….hurt and pain will be around too. Like, if there’s faithfulness, deception will be there too. God will be around and the Demon too. It is up to US, human beings how to survive and face all the things to come. Things we don’t expect to. Be strong, for everyone around is not free from all the world’s hurt and sufferings. It’s part of life and love.

1 comment
Holding on and Giving up....
Posted:Jan 7, 2008 1:24 am
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2008 3:07 am
When and why do we need to hold on??? When and why do we have to give up??? If you’re tired and tried fighting for your right and nothing happens. It is time to accept reality and losing. That’s the time wherein we should give up the fight. But if there’s something you can hold on to, then don’t give up and continue to fight for it.

Sometimes holding on is painful. Holding on means you are still taking chances, holding on gives you the hope for something. We have to allow ourselves allotted time and moment for everything. Giving up gives more freedom for yourself and for others too.

Taking a risk. with this, we will surely know the outcome of each decision and chances we would like to take, even how painful it would be to know that sometimes in reality people don’t win all the battles.

Acceptance in losing a battle is one factor in giving up. You have done your best but still you’ve lose. If you just accept things that’s happening in your life, there will be peace. Yes, I know that it is easier said than done. You really need time to contemplate on each things.

One thing I have learn, Hold on unto the One, the Lord. He won’t give up for you. He just want you to learn a lesson with all those trials. Good things will come your way.

Right now, I am still fighting, I am still suffering, I am still making all those sacrifices and yet I know in time….it will be rewarded!

Where are YOU????
Posted:Jan 5, 2008 8:32 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2008 8:31 am

I really don't have enough time to make a blog or even visit my group around here in FFF...but i truly miss them...my blog, my groups and my friends around..

Whenever I have the chance to go online, the time is soooo limited....

Just wondering where are my friends now? How come few of them visit my blog now...

I miss all of those guys who comes over here in my blog......

See you around!!!

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