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you will know me better by reading my blog....this blog is my outlet....whatever i feel...whatever it is that's on my mind...i put and write it down here...you can tell who i am by reading my blog because this is the real me

just enjoy reading my blog....it's a true feelings and story...

LOVE is.....Blind or what?????
Posted:May 11, 2007 2:44 am
Last Updated:May 15, 2007 4:34 am
I was sitting in a bench in front of the beach with my pen and paper, looking out at people that's walking and passing here and there along the pathway, while the sun sets...when this came into my mind....IS LOVE REALLY BLIND?????

How could it be that love is blind????

I saw a lot of couples..young and old, with kids and without...Nice to see them enjoying their afternoon walks and can't really help myself but...hmmm, envy them!

There was this odd couples around...a lot of them actually...an old man holding hands with the young lady....a skinny guy with a beautiful and sexy lady....a chubby and small lady walking with a tall, handsome guy...I can see it...and really asking myself...How could they found love if they are opposite of each other????? How could they say it's LOve they really felt for each other???? If only i could make them stop and interview them...maybe i will know the answer....

Now, I realized..it is not the looks, the money, the height, the weight that really counts when you are IN LOVE...it is a mutual feeling, a feeling that no one can really explain...

Maybe some people like me, would probably ask the same question, how could they found love and given love and reciprocated.....how could life has not been good to me especially when it comes to love...how come i am all alone now????

What really happened to a relationship, No one can give you an answer except yourself...with what happened during the time that both of you are still together...maybe it would be probably your fault or his fault...but by weighing things out..you will learn that somewhere during the relationship, you thought you have given your ALL...but, of course because you become so close at at ease with each other...sweetness has gone out of the window....and you will never realized it until it's gone...

It is really nice to see nice and happy couple, old and young still holds hand while walking, teasing each other, or just sitting on the bench, cuddling....how i miss those days....!!!!

Now....this time i am becoming sentimental once again....sorry....but was just touched with what i saw...

I know...everyone deserves to be happy...and my time will surely come...in HIS RIGHT TIME!!!!

Posted:May 8, 2007 8:47 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2007 11:44 pm
I am gathering my thoughts right now...trying to focus....thinking a lot...weighing things ....hayyy...

I am alone, sitting here in front of my laptop, wondering if i will answer all the emails I received or just leave it for awhile now...

Some says I am loser...some says I am a figther...some says I am hardheaded....some says I'm a fool....some says I am stupid...whatever it is that tries to lift me up or either pull me down...all that I beleive

Will keep you updated with what's going on with me right here in Saipan...really don't know where to start and what to write here...I've got so many things in my mind...so, i better leave it aside, for a while..but will back for the updates....

But for now, I will leave you this message that...I am still here...SURVIVING!!!!!

KIROT....ang sakit!!!!!
Posted:May 4, 2007 10:36 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2007 11:36 am
KIROT..saan ka ba nagmumula???
Bakit hindi maipaliwanag saan ka nanggaling
Sa puso ito ay basta nararamdaman
Parng may tumutusok na hindi maintindihan

Dahil sa kirot na yan
Luha sa mata ay bigla na lang tutulo
Lalo na kung sa araw o gabi
Na may ulan na pumapatak...

Papano ba ipapaliwanag???
Ang hirap...kirot at sakit
Kusa na lang itong nararamdaman
Hindi malaman ang gagawin, upang maibsan

Kasama nga ba sa buhay natin
Ang kirot na sa puso??
Hindi kayang pigilan ng ating isipan
Basta kapag KIROT ay dumadating...


My 45 days is over...
Posted:May 2, 2007 5:23 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2007 4:22 am
AWWW...my 45 days stay here after the decision of my labor case is over now...

I have done all i could do to find a job, so, I could start a new life and job around here, so I could stay and wait for the outcome of the appeal that my employer filed against the decision for our labor case, but still no luck for me...The labor's decision here is, even though that the order for the appeal is not yet out and i already consumed my 45 days without an employer, by then i have to go back to the place of my origin....which is UNFAIR!!!!

I really don't know what kind of system of the government they have here for the NON RESIDENT WORKERS, like me!!!

They want to send me back home...empty handed even though i won my labor case against my employer, wherein I can't get even a single cent from my claim...OH MY!!!!

Confused now, upset!!!! hayyyyyy

Just asking myself...what will happen next after this 45 days....will i be deported, wherein the government around here is suffering from economic downturn and ut seems like that the government is cash trapped..... or will i become one of the TNT here in Saipan????


It's OVER and DONE....
Posted:Apr 30, 2007 7:01 am
Last Updated:May 11, 2007 3:05 am
Listening to the song "EMOTION" right now!

How could one accept defeat and lost? I know, it will be hard and painful especially when you keeps on wishing, hoping and praying that you will win.

You will feel a stab in your heart, a feeling, no one could possibly understand or explain. Tears will just flowed down from your eyes, running down to your cheeks, something you just can't avoid. You feel like that you wanted to vanish into the thin air, that something will just swallow you to get rid of all that is happening, you feel like that you don't want to live anymore...GONE IN THIS WORLD.....you feel like you're so wasted and blue, you're NOTHING, UNWORTHY, USELESS!!!

It is over and done, even though you fight for your right, even though you've done your very best to win the battle...

Accepting it, moving on, letting go...words that you will surely hear from your friends and from people who really care...YES! but as other say it, it is easier said than done...You really don't know until when you are going to cope with the hurt and pain of defeat and lost.

Some will even question the One above, WHY and HOW????

It is not a choice to lose and be defeated...but it is happening to your life...an inevitable you don't know will come your way...unexpected as a thief in the night...

If it is OVER and DONE...you will have time to grieve, time to cry, time to reflect and all the questions that comes into your mind, will be left there, unanswered!! You really don't know until when you're going be blue....No one will ever know!!!

I am in pain and hurting right now...I said to myself...THIS IS IT..."it's over and done, but the heartaches leaves on inside...." I am tired, upset, depressed, stressed out...!!!!

There's nothing I can do about it...maybe this is my fate and my destiny...Losing a battle and be defeated...a lesson learned....that you can't have everything you wish for....

Wish i could easily move on....i could let go...i could cope with the hurt and pain...how i wish that day is NOW!!!!!!

Posted:Apr 29, 2007 1:34 am
Last Updated:May 1, 2007 5:02 am

Thank you....
There so many ways and thing why we say these words,
Sometimes, these words are already abuse...
Abuse by people who keeps on just relying

But, some people don't know how to even say these words,
They will just turn their back to you
And it sadden us not to hear these kind words..

Thanks to you...
Sometimes because of the pain and hurt
You learned how to stand up and fight

Whew...just want to thank everyone...i'm still gathering my thoughts here....
Posted:Apr 27, 2007 8:27 am
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2007 1:23 am
If there is one demon that eats a man up and tears him apart, it is the Jealousy Demon. Men have such a terrible time handling jealousy.

Jealousy can make of a gentle man a roaring lion and even a homicidal maniac. The Jealousy Demon has provoked men to kill. It has destroyed
more love relationships and collapsed more marriages than you can imagine. The Jealousy Demon is a tricky fellow. He pretends that he
does his work in the name of love when in truth, he is all about low self-esteem, insecurity and controlling behavior.

Even the most solid man can, of course, get jealous if there is a real reason to be so. You become jealous when you fear losing your
beloved. You might feel threatened by someone you sense could move into your relationship and steal your loved one. If you are correct
about your suspicions; if there is really something there; if the threat is real, then you have every reason to be jealous.

If, however, your jealousy is justified, it is because there is a crack in your relationship. Perhaps things are not going well and your beloved is tempted to play with fire. Maybe there is conflict and boredom and your partner is seen looking over the fence for some

This is when panic sets in and the Jealousy Demon goes to work on you with a fury. You feel threatened. You fear losing the love you
cherish. You ask yourself what went wrong, why you are not enough for your beloved. You are hurt and perhaps even insulted because your
loved one seems to be looking away and searching for someone else. You sense that you might be losing your grip on the relationship. You
might even feel so upset that you wonder if you are going crazy.

If, however, you are jealous for no real reason, then the Jealousy Demon really has you running around in circles. Now you're imagining
ghosts that are not really there. You're making accusations that are far fetched and off the wall. Your beloved is as loyal as can be, but
you cannot believe it. Your low self-esteem and your lack of confidence in your ability to keep your beloved kick in and cause you to imagine all sorts of threats that only exist in your troubled imaginings.

You suffer even more than the jealous person who is justifiably jealous because you have nothing to go on. You can't prove anything and what you think is a real threat is proven false time and again. You have become paranoid. You are so possessive of your partner that it is difficult for your beloved to breathe.

All this creates a growing level of stress and tension which becomes unbearable after a time. It gravely damages your love and threatens
to destroy it. And should your relationship survive and the Jealousy Demon remains firmly entrenched in your heart, then your relationship
becomes a real hell. And if there is no true threat, your jealousy becomes a major threat in itself and could, in time, cause the
collapse of the very love you want to save.

40 DAYS now....
Posted:Apr 25, 2007 8:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2007 1:14 am
March 15 when I boarded the ASIANA flight going to Korea and then to Saipan...it took about almost 12 hours flight...whew!

Today, This is my 40th day here in Saipan, even though we won the labor case against my former employer, wherein it upset me when i attended the labor hearing and when i do received and got hold of the decision paper...I think the hearing officer is in a hurry to finish the case and don't want to see and listen more on my grievances against my former employer.

I was given 45 days to look and find a new employer here in Saipan, but sad to say because of the economic downturn of the island, it is really hard to find a new job even with my description, my resume and my application.

Both of us, me and the employer was given 15 days if we really want to file an appeal about the case, but because i do pity my former employer, even though, i really want to file an appeal...never did i do that for the sake of my employer...but only last Monday, April 23 when I found out through my ex band member that opur former filed an appeal and it was late for him but still the local government accepted it's filing. How does it happen? I really don't know, maybe the local government here is almost the same as our government...hey, you know what i mean!

Now, I am worried that inspite of all my efforts in comning here to fight for my right and the labor case and of course, with the help of all my friends who supported me, it seems like everything will just go to waste...I will leave the island without my claim..I have to leave the island empty handed...won but lost...nah!

Whatever, i am still fighting! I still have few days more to go to think of the better way to handle these kind of mess I am into...

Please help me out...Prayers will do miracles! I know most of my friends wants to see me back home and be safe...unlike here wherein I am already suffering, physically, mentally and emotionally..luckily I have my friends to keep me company even though by posting, blogging and chatting...

This is the news coming from me....sunshine!!!

Happy Birthday....ABBY
Posted:Apr 24, 2007 9:01 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2007 3:46 am
What else could a woman asked for????
I am a woman, I am a mother
My children do complete my well being as a woman
And I am thankful for that...

She will turn 17 today..
Oh my, 17 years has already passed
She do change a lot....
From being a stubborn to a homebody lady

She become so responsible
Now she know how to handle things
She really matured a lot
My dear child, Abby!

I won't be around on her special day
We are not complete as a family
But she will be in my thoughts today
Wishing I could celebrate her birthday with her

She was a gift for me
I love her and i hope she can feel it
She's important as a child
But now not a child but a lady

What else can i say...

ROELLE ABBY.........

HEY! What's going on??????
Posted:Apr 21, 2007 7:33 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2007 9:06 am
I am back??? Is this true??? I am surprise really...what's going on??? I created a new handle but after posting around almost 150 postings and a new blog..I saw my handle back again here.....!!!

Well, at least i got my old handle...and now I am ready to post again....hayyy, how i do miss postings and blogging....

See you around guys!


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