13 Things PMS Stands For
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Posted:Dec 6, 2006 10:52 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 7:17 am 1190 Views
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13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
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Mental Patient
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Posted:Dec 6, 2006 10:14 pm
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2007 2:58 am 1309 Views
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Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news .. The good news is you're being discharged. Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon can I go home?"
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Work vs. Prison
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Posted:Dec 6, 2006 10:06 pm
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2006 2:44 am 1288 Views
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At PRISON
> you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
> you get three meals a day fully paid for
> you get time off for good behavior
> the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
> you can watch TV and play games
> you get your own toilet
> they allow your family and friends to visit
> all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
> you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
At WORK
> you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
> you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it
> you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself
> you could get fired for watching TV and playing games
> you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat
> you aren't even supposed to speak to your family
> you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners
> you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
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leather clothing
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Posted:Dec 6, 2006 9:56 pm
Last Updated:Jan 27, 2007 4:57 pm 1301 Views
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When a woman wears leather clothing..
A man's heart beats quicker..his throat gets dry..
He goes week in the knee..
and he begin to think irrationally..
Ever wonder why???
Because she smells like a new truck!!!!
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NEW drugS FOR WOMEN
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Posted:Dec 6, 2006 9:48 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 7:17 am 1199 Views
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NEW drugS FOR WOMEN
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of
how
awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an
evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents
conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the
urge
to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal
lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "
&g t; BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration,
and
credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share
their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation
level as nagging him.
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hilariously scary duh!
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Posted:Oct 13, 2006 3:11 am
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2006 3:02 am 1202 Views
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A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy cold winter. They both had jobs, and had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address and sent the e-mail without noticing his error.
In the mean time:
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been "called home to glory" following a heart attack (died and gone to report in heaven). The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from family and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've arrived!
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
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coffee and \bsexo?\b
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Posted:Oct 13, 2006 3:08 am
Last Updated:Oct 13, 2006 5:07 pm 1215 Views
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You love it, you need it, you can't live without it - coffee and \bsexo?\b
1. Coffee increases \bsexo?\b drives.
2. Coffee as a central nervous system stimulator that contains caffeine making your horn strong,awake and alive.
3. Coffee isnt selfish, it will always leave you satisfied.
4. You may want to spice up your coffee and add more flavor like nutmeg, chocolate, cinnamon hmmm why not \bsexo?\b??
5. with coffee you'll definitely miss it.
6. You can have \bsexo?\b all night if you drink coffee all day.
7. coffee starts off hot and wet..
8. Coffee is addicting and so with \bsexo?\b.
9. You can always start your day with a good coffee. \bsexo?\b can start your day even better.
10. Spilling coffee in your bed leaves a wet patch. There's always a wet patch after \bsexo?\b.
11. Sometimes coffee doesn't taste great...Ooohhh!! \bsexo?\b either.
12. No one calls you weird for wanting your coffee with milk..in \bsexo?\b it's a requirement.
13. You can make coffee last long as you want..In \bsexo?\b.. one, two,more..more..
14. Coffee comes in different flavors. \bsexo?\b do comes too: chocolate, milk, vanilla.. name it, you got it.
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hurt rather
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Posted:Sep 12, 2006 6:54 am
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2007 9:42 pm 1271 Views
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Knowing you've hurt someone is one of the hardest things in life to go through...not being forgiven by someone you really care about, is the hardest....
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the promise
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Posted:Aug 22, 2006 8:09 pm
Last Updated:Mar 31, 2007 2:59 am 1234 Views
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If you wait for me then Ill come for you
Although Ive traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile
Then Ill return to you
Ill return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place thats warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If youll be waiting
Ive longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are
Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise if its one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say youll hold
A place for me in your heart.
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