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Alligator tricks!!!
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May 23, 2010 5:26 am
784 Views
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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals - unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle"
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9
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Two Donkeys!!!
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May 22, 2010 2:04 pm
693 Views
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Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + Sleep
Therefore
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore
Human ‒ enjoy = Donkey + work
In Other words,
Human that doesn't enjoy = Donkey that works.
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Men = Donkey + earn money
Therefore:
Men ‒ earn money = Donkey
In other words,
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Women = Donkey + spend
Women- spend = Donkey
In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey
To Conclude:
From equation 2 and 3
Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend
So
Men earn money not to let women became donkeys
And women spend not to let men become donkeys
So we have:
Men+ women = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 & 2, we can conclude
Men + women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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9
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Mom's Unconditional Love!!!
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May 22, 2010 6:51 am
606 Views
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When you were 1 year old she fed you and bathed you.
You thanked her by crying all night long
When you were 2 yrs old, she though you to walk
You thanked her by running away when she called
When you were 3 yrs old she made all your fussy meals with love
Your thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor
When you were 4 yrs old, she gave you some crayons
You thanked her by coloring the dinning table and walls.
When you were 5 yrs old, she dressed you for holidays
You thanked her by plopping in to the nearest pool, getting yourself mucky
When you were 6 yrs old she walked you to school.
You thanked her by screaming “I’M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL”
When you were 7 yrs old, she bought you a baseball.
You thanked her by throwing it out of the next door neighbor’s window
When you were 8 yrs old she handed you an ice-cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 yrs old she paid for piano lessons
You thanked her by not even bothering to practice
When you were 10 yrs old, she drove you all day from soccer to gymnastics, from one birthday party to the other
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back
When you were 11yrs old she took you and your friends for the movies
You thanked her by asking her to sit in a different row
When you were 12 yrs old she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by watching the same, once she left the house.
When you were 13 yrs old she suggested a haircut
You thanked her by telling her that she had no taste
When you were 14 yrs old she paid for a month away at summer camp
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.
When you were 15 yrs old she came home from work looking for a hug
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked
When you were 16 yrs old she thought you how to drive her car
You thanked her by taking the car at very chance you could
When you were 17 yrs old she was expecting an important call
You thanked her by being on the phone all night long
When you were 18 yrs old she cried at your high school graduation
You thanked her by staying out partying with friends all night long.
When you were 19 yrs old she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your friends
When you were 20 yrs old, she asked if you were seeing anyone
You thanked her by saying “it’s none of your business”
When you were 21 yrs old she suggested certain careers fro your future
You thanked her by saying “I don’t want to be like you”
When you were 22 yrs old she hugged you at your college graduation
You thanked her by asking she could pay for a trip to Europe
When you were 23 yrs old she gave you furniture for your first independent apartment
You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly
When you were 24 yrs old she met your fiancé and asked about your plans in future
You thanked her glaring and growling “Muuhh-ther, please !”
When you were 25 yrs old she funded for your wedding and she wept as she would miss you after marriage.
You thanked her by moving half way across the country
When you were 30 yrs old, she called on to give you an advice on your first baby.
You thanked her by telling her that things are different now.
When you were 40 yrs old she called to remind you of a relative’s anniversary
You thanked her by saying that you were “really busy now”
When you were 50 yrs old she fell ill and wanted you to take care of her
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to children.
Then suddenly one day she quietly passed away, and everything you never did for her came crashing down like thunder in your heart .
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