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How they compare!!!
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Oct 9, 2010 2:40 am
608 Views
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And the Miss World contest is drawing to a close and The FINALISTS:
Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Japan
QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....
(Applause!.... Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.
(Applause!... Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.
(Applause!... Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....
(Applause!... Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a laborer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....
(Applause!..Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.
(Applause!..Applause!)
QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry po... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..
(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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The most important people in a lady's life!!!
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Oct 7, 2010 2:17 am
585 Views
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THE DOCTOR
Because he says " Take your clothes off"
THE DENTIST
Because he says "OPEN WIDE"
THE HAIRDRESSER
Because he says " Do you want it teased or blown"
THE MILKMAN
Because he says "Do you want it in the front or the back"
THE INTERIOR DECORATOR
Because he says " Once its in you'll love it"
THE SHARE BROKER
Because he says "It will rise gradually and maintain its peak for long-long time"
THE BANKER
Because he says "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest"
THE HUNTER
Because he "Goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots"
THE TELKOM GUY
Because he says "Would you like it on the table or against the wall"
And the MOST ANNOYING is FATHER CHRISTMAS
The idiot only comes ONCE a year
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Condoms are transparent!!!
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Oct 3, 2010 4:15 am
750 Views
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Condoms are transparent.....Why????
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...
New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is $$$$ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow
you’ll have to do it again...
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you
pull down the PANTY..... It is SHOWTIME!
Advantages of having an affair with a married woman.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
Best of all
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise.
Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
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Seduction by star sign!!!
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Oct 1, 2010 4:06 pm
658 Views
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SEDUCTION BY STAR SIGN
October is the month for relationships. If you’ve got someone in your romantic sights, tailor your seduction style to their Sun sign. It’s a surefire way to snare a love interest. These moves work for established relationships, too.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)When it comes to courtship, your Aries wants you to be bold and aggressive. Don't ask permission for a kiss – just plant a breathtaking one as soon as the moment seizes you. The more forceful your approach, the better. Rams are also susceptible to compliments. These folks want to hear that they're the sexiest person in the room. If you've just met an Aries, feel free to contradict them. Spirited debates act like aphrodisiacs on this sign.
If you're an Aries, your seduction style is swift, sure, and sweet. You like making the first move, and your direct approach usually yields fabulous results. You know the importance of the first kiss, and you've got this technique down pat.
Head-for-Bed Line: "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)Slow and steady wins the race with Taurus. These folks want to savor the courtship phase of a relationship. Be sure to show up on the first date with a bouquet of flowers or some other beautiful token of your appreciation. Bulls love presents. A subtle splash of cologne will work like a love magnet on Taurus, as this sign is extremely responsive to sensual stimuli. If you've got an earthy sense of humor, don't hide it. Nothing gets Taurus in the mood like a spicy joke.
If you're a Taurus, you like to seduce people with soft words, encouraging caresses and generous gestures. Your knack for gift-giving is unparalleled. Having a velvet voice doesn't hurt your chances, either.
Head-for-Bed Line: (Pointing to Bull's tush) "Excuse me, is that seat taken?"
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)The fastest way to Gemini's bedroom is through the brain. Ask this sign for a reading recommendation – Geminis love to be consulted about intellectual matters. If you've got specialized knowledge of a particular subject, be sure to bring it up. People born under the sign of the Twins are wildly attracted to experts – the more obscure your subject, the better. If Gemini mentions their latest hobby, be sure to ask for a crash course. Nothing gets this sign in the mood like showing off their know-how.
If you're a Gemini, you are a master flirt. You love the challenge of winning someone over with a clever remark. One of your favorite moves is to brush a bit of imaginary fluff from the object of your desire's shoulder. It's a great excuse to make physical contact!
Head-for-Bed Line: "Are you going to kiss me or will I have to lie to my diary?"
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)These Moon Children are notoriously soft-hearted. If you'd like to make your way into this sign's bedroom, show off your sensitive side. Express an interest in charities, especially ones involving children. Cancers secretly love being babied, so it's a great idea to fix this sign a home-cooked meal. Keep the lights low and the music soft... Cancer is very responsive to romantic atmospheres. If you've got your sights set on a female Crab, ask permission before you kiss her. If you're dating a guy, make the first move and then apologize for being so bold.
If you're a Cancer, your seduction style is soft and nurturing. Kissing away someone's tears is often a prelude to lovemaking. If you want to make someone your love slave, just deliver a chocolate cake to his or her door. Your victim will fall deeper in lust with each bite.
Head-for-Bed Line: "Are we related? Do you want to be?"
Leo (July 23 - August 22)If you want to seduce a Leo, focus on this sign like a laser. Compliment the way they dress, eat and breathe. Treat him or her to the best of everything, whether it's the center table at the fanciest restaurant in town or the choicest spot on your picnic blanket. When the lights are turned low, run your fingers through the Lion's mane. He or she will purr with delight. Murmur words of praise into his or her ear during foreplay. Your lovemaking will build to a beautiful crescendo.
If you're a Lion, you've got a naturally seductive personality. It's nearly impossible for people to resist your charms, especially when you lavish somebody with the royal treatment. You'll give the object of your desire the best of everything until you hit your target.
Head-for-Bed Line: "Is it hot in here or is it just you?"
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)Cleanliness is definitely a virtue when seducing Virgo. Make sure that your sheets are freshly laundered before taking a tumble with this sign. It's also a good idea to be impeccably groomed yourself. Nothing turns a Virgin on like the smell of French-milled soap. In fact, you may want to take a bath together as a prelude to lovemaking. If you're having trouble even getting a date with Virgo, ask him or her to help organize your desk, proofread a letter or find your keys. This is a great way to break the ice with this service-oriented sign.
If you're a Virgo, your seduction style is tasteful and understated. Anticipating a person's needs yields impressive results. You're the first one to help someone off with their coat, relieve them of heavy packages or bring a refreshing drink. Your conversational skills aren't shabby, either.
Head-for-Bed Line: "You're on my list of things to do tonight."
Libra (September 23 - October 22)When it comes to seducing sophisticated Libra, it's best to summon the spirit of Cary Grant or Audrey Hepburn. This sign needs to be romanced in high style... think champagne and evening dress versus beer and baseball caps. Librans love music, so taking this sign to a concert would be a terrific prelude to lovemaking. It's a wise idea to perfect your kissing technique before making the first move on Libra. This sign wants a lover with finesse.
As a Libra, seduction is second-nature. You melt hearts with your dazzling smile and dancing eyes. You're also an excellent listener... which can be extremely seductive. If you ever want to take someone home, just asks what inspires them and then listen with rapt attention.
Head-for-Bed Line: "Did you invite all these people? I thought it was going to be just the two of us."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)It's something of a challenge to seduce secretive Scorpio, since it's hard to gauge this sign's reactions. Don't be fazed if your moves are met with an inscrutable smile... that's just Scorpio's own form of seduction. A good first move is to take this sign's hand in a darkened movie theater and trace delicate patterns on the inside of his or her palm. Make love wordlessly and urgently, letting your body do all the communicating.
If you're a Scorpio, you're a master seducer. You love undressing people with your eyes. Most people respond favorably to your intense focus. Occasionally someone will take offense, but that only makes the challenge more exciting. One of your favorite seduction techniques is getting people to confess their secret desires.
Head-for-Bed Line: "I'm an organ donor. Need anything?"
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)Sagittarians are easily seduced through humor. Crack a few jokes, make a few pratfalls, and leave some funny voicemails if you'd like to get acquainted with the Archer's bedroom. The prospect of making love outdoors always excites the Archer. Invite Sagittarius on a camping trip and be sure to bring a double sleeping bag. Last but not least, people born under this sign are ruled by the thighs and hips. Playful Sagittarius will become deadly serious when you zero in on these areas.
If you're a Sagittarian, you've got a playful seduction technique. You express interest in someone by tugging their hair, mimicking their speech and elbowing their ribs. It's easy to seduce worldly types with your knowledge of different people and culture. Your storytelling skills are extremely enticing!
Head-for-Bed Line: "If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable."
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)Dignified Capricorn can be quite intimidating on the sexual front, but rest assured that this sexy sign is worth seducing. A slow, steady approach works best with Goats. Limit your first encounter to a lingering kiss. Then the next time you see each other, caress Cappy's back, neck and shoulders, applying firm, insistent pressure. Make a strategic retreat when Capricorn begs you to finish what you've started. Deep down inside, this sign knows that the best things in life are worth waiting for.
If you're a Capricorn, you seduce others with your self-confidence. The assured way in which you order wine, discuss politics and reference movies nearly always yields results. Quite often, people are scared to say "no" to you, just because you're so masterful!
Head-for-Bed Line: "Your eyes are the same color as my Corvette."
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18 )Quirky Aquarius can be a tough nut to crack when it comes to sex. If you'd like to seduce this sign, try an unconventional approach. Claim that you're doing research for a sex clinic and need their help with an experiment. Declare that, while you're not interested in pursuing a physical relationship with Aquarius, you're willing to make the sacrifice in the name of friendship. The more offbeat your manner, the more attracted Aquarius will be. All Water-bearers have a rebellious streak. Dare this lover to kiss you.
If you're an Aquarius, you seduce others by playing the aloof rebel. The chillier your behavior, the easier it is for you to attract romance. Irreverent observations also help to lure folks into your web of intrigue. Onlookers find your die-hard individualism very seductive indeed.
Head-for-Bed Line: "Excuse me, I seem to have misplaced my Nobel Prize. Have you seen it around anywhere?"
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)If you'd like to seduce a Pisces, transport him or her to another world. Invite your favorite Fish to look through your telescope or check out your aquarium. Make your move as soon as Pisces becomes absorbed in the action. A quick kiss on the back of the neck will lead to bigger and better things. Pisceans have many erogenous areas including especially sensitive feet. A friendly foot rub can fan the flames of desire.
If you're a Pisces, you seduce people with your uncanny ability to intuit their feelings. People feel accepted and appreciated in your presence and usually welcome the prospect of falling in your bed. Your gift for words is also extremely seductive... you know just what to say and just when to say it.
Head-for-Bed Line: "Help the homeless. Take me back to your place."
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Worth Reading it!!!
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Sep 30, 2010 3:37 pm
649 Views
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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Ø money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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Good Manners!!!
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Sep 25, 2010 1:07 am
929 Views
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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her
that you have to go to the toilet?'
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go to toilet to pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the toilet. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word toilet at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny said 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
The teacher.........  .
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Poor Skunk!!!
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Sep 23, 2010 4:14 am
770 Views
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A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.
There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death.
Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "O.K., get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to get it warm?" she asked.
"Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there," he suggested.
"But what about the smell?" she asked.
"Just hold its nose."
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