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Posted:Dec 21, 2008 10:04 am
Last Updated:Dec 29, 2008 6:41 pm 6060 Views
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Tears pour down the window and rain streams down her face.
Things are kind of crazy in this ever-changing place.
Then the clouds roll by and the sun comes out once more,
But as soon as puddles dry up, it begins to pour.
"Nothing lasts forever," she remembered her father once said.
And just like that, the very next day, he gone off and went dead.
Rainy days come and go as do the days with all the sun.
When you get to the end you realize you've just begun.
Winter comes, the air is crisp, and icicles hang from trees.
Looking out the window she wished others saw what she sees.
A happy glow in such sad eyes, an empty heart filled with desire.
She thinks about her troubled life then throws another log into the fire.
Days pass by and snow mounds melt, life begins yet again.
Everything has a beginning, or do things only have an end?
A life starts off but is cut short without a second chance.
Two people who fall in love soon lose their sweet romance.
Flowers bloom with the smell of spring, a much happier time.
She runs through an open field without a care on her mind.
For every good there is a bad, for ever up there is a down.
For every tear there is laughter, for every smile there is a frown.
Clouds roll by, the heat is strong; summer months are here.
She's found someone who loves her so and always holds her near.
Life means so much more, when someone has your heart.
But few things last forever and love can fall apart.
Autumn draws near, alone once more, just memories in her mind.
She sits down with a cup of tea and let's her thoughts unwind.
The trees are becoming bare; an orange leaf falls to the ground.
She closes her eyes and hears the wind, comforted by its sound.
Another year has passed and a smile crosses her face.
She likes how things chance day to day in this wondrous place.
Here life comes in seasons; no one is ever the same.
The rain is like our troubled days where our hearts are filled with pain.
Sunny days are happy days where everything seems to flow.
The snow is still like those days where life doesn't seem to go.
She thinks about it, and then realizes that only one thing will go on eternally...
The pictures and thoughts that she has stored deep in her memory.
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If I could I would
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Posted:Dec 21, 2008 5:45 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2009 12:33 pm 6142 Views
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Looking up in the midnight sky I think:
Dreaming of my dreams.
Dreaming of my wishes.
My full moon dreams.
Seeing the stars stretch for eternity,
I wish I could be as beautiful.
I wish I could have their bright glow.
I dream of getting out of this hell.
My full moon dreams I want to fulfil.
Spreading my wings and taking off.
Closing my eyes and being somewhere else.
Take a deep breath and sigh.
I open my eyes and I am still here.
Sitting in a field and feeling the soft fall of rain.
I listen to the chirping of crickets,
And dream of things that I find impossible.
If I set my mind to it,
People say,
You can do anything.
I tried and failed multiple times.
Having such low self-esteem
…does not help.
I'm still sitting here dreaming of my full moon dreams.
I wish I could succeed in them.
My full moon dreams I can’t fulfil.
Who would want to take in such a horror?
All my scars, all my fears of falling…
If I could, I would be… crying.
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the smell of limes
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Posted:Dec 15, 2008 6:10 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2008 11:09 am 6221 Views
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if i live slightly in the future (= what will happen next) i don't have to feel so much about what is going on in the present.
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my first murder
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Posted:Dec 15, 2008 5:46 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2009 12:30 pm 6148 Views
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There was this gorgeous natural pool between two mountains with cute, small waterfall descending from one side and a river with reasonable fast current down on the other with picturesque bamboo bridge across.
I like the place because it was kind of private, peaceful and the fauna and flora were simply breathtaking.
I was stripped down from the waist up and ready to hit the water when I saw her.
She didn’t see me at first, she was deep in thoughts concentrating on negotiating the narrow, steep path leading down to the pool. She was wearing a blue bikini with green and yellow flower pattern with a matching pareo tied around her hips. She was so beautiful “the sight of her almost took my breath away.
When she was almost at the bottom of the steps, she saw me. A strange mixture of surprise and fear (?) registered on her face. But that was only for a fraction of a second, she quickly pivoted on her heels and run!
But I was quick. I only wanted to stop her and talk, thinking this maybe my only chance to catch her alone, I simply cannot let her go away.
When I caught up with her, something I never planned happened, what I did was___ grabbed her, turned her towards me, pulled her closer and kissed her passionately.
It happened so fast she didn’t get the chance to react.
Why she must tasted so sweet and so soft to hold I right away lost control of myself?
I pulled her even more closer against me, she let a moan, she said: “Oh, Michael”
And went limp in my arms. My knees buckled, my legs turned to jell-o, my mind went blank, and suddenly the world had stop from turning. I heard thunder and lightning everywhere and“ I was stiff as a pole.
When I carried and laid her on the grass, she did not resist. It was starting to get dark. When I lay next to her; she closed her eyes and bit her lips. We kissed hungrily for a while, touching, exploring. I was only beginning to discover where everything is. I never realized that a kiss could taste like heaven I didn’t want to stop.
The moment I removed her bikini top, she gave me a look I never seen before anywhere or from anyone in my life. Not even on her. All I know was what the look did to my blood ‒ boil!
When I pulled the rest of the bikini all the way down, she clung to me passionately, we're like two people drowning; very fast and there was no tommorow.When I entered her, I thought I was going to pass out from ecstasy. It was good. No, better than good, better than anything I have ever experience so far, it was worth dying twice over.
When I murmured in her ear that I have no idea it would be like this, she said: “You don’t see nothing yet.” And she showed me. Not one, not twice, but six times over!
We laid side by side afterwards looking at the moon.
Then she said: “Now, what?”
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19:48
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Posted:Dec 12, 2008 10:51 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2009 12:41 pm 6275 Views
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i rarely succeeded in giving an impression of softness. i might do a great deal of good, but i never pleased.
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one down...
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Posted:Dec 12, 2008 10:44 am
Last Updated:Apr 23, 2009 5:10 pm 9381 Views
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My cousins a(we)re all possessed. Let me tell you why.
It started when I (as far as I can remember) was about seven years old. For those who read my earlier ramblings, they know that I belong to a family of proud gypsies; and what gypsies do? Yes, they roam around. During one of those senseless dwellings, my tyrannical father decided to do some (un)necessary stop at some unknown place where his older brother lived. I don’t know anymore how we get there, all I can recall was after waiting for a long time, we rode a boat and we’re there.
No, the place wasn’t by the seaside. It was located few kilometres further up the mountains. The house itself was perched half way down the slope between the peak and a very big river with very fast current and boulders so huge I could imagine myself splattering against them if I lost my footing. If I’m going to see the place again at this time of my life, I would probably find it exciting and romantic, but not that time.
The reason was probably because I was a snob (yes, it exists also between poor) I don’t want to share a quarter with anyone let alone those bunch of hillbillies I’ve never seen before. They ha(ve)d totally another ways of everything. (Yeah they can settle in one place a lot longer than we could) plus they don’t have a mother. And if they had, for sure not one who can recite works of Edgar Allan Poe, or can tell the tales of Alexander the great, Genghis Khan, Jason and the Argonauts and so on as bedtime stories. They can hardly read. I learned to read and write even before I attend kindergarten. I never felt a connection with any of them from both sides then and now.
I particularly dislike the eldest of the house. He’s a brassy good looking lad of an unknown age who can make me feel dirty with just one look. He called me his missus when no one is around (and he continues to do so for so many years to come including last year. I will get into that later) he makes my skin crawl. I wish that my father would come back soon and get us out of there. Which he did but not soon enough.
I remember that afternoon clearly. I was napping on a bamboo bed somewhere inside the house when my cousin came in smiling; he brought a blanket with him. I was paralysed I can’t move! Not even when he draped it over me and crawl under the sheet to share the bed. Then he proceeds by putting his hand over my “hill” and slowly massages the area, all the time whispering in my ear “don’t you dare to tell!” The world inside the house stood still but outside I hear the rest of the family (including my father) talking to each other. Life goes on.
I don’t know anymore what happened next. Maybe somebody came in, or something must interrupt him for he stopped. I remember feeling so dirty and confused I ran outside the house screaming banging my head against a coconut tree. He told everybody I had had a bad dream.
He continued trying to I don’t- know- what even after we had our own place somewhere far but apparently not far enough. He used to visit and stayed longer under the pretence of helping my father around the fishpond. He even brought his brother with him whom like his pervert sibling did also try to I don’t ‒know- what. But this one didn’t touch me. He just cried his feelings for me over and over again with so much remorse I almost pity him. I have no idea if my father did notice something, all I know is they been sent packing one day and I never seen them again. Except last year when I was in vacation and the post office accidentally sent my important mail to their address thinking it’s the right one. After all, we still carrying the same surname and I have no idea they moved into town.
If the mail wasn’t the immigration papers of my mother, I would not go to their place, so he may never have the chance to try again what it is he was trying for the past decades. But this time, I am not a frightened little girl anymore. I put him on his place right there and then in my own usual way, in a tender manner with a lot of tact ha ha. Maybe it meant to happen, so I can get rid of the ghost once and for all. One down, millions more to go.
There is one cousin’s incident though I cannot set right no matter how much as I wanted to.
It happened when I was a sophomore. My cousin ( of my father’s sister) gets me from school with his tricycle which was on its own not strange, only he never did it before. He said my father asked him to do it because it was raining. He didn’t bring me straight home but drove to an empty gym where he was teaching karate during the day. He locked me in one of the room and tried to crawl on top of me. I know he would not hurt me that much; you won’t kill a relative that easily would you? So, I shouted the whole place down, he got scared and brought me home. I told my father even though I was frightened a family duel would occur. You see, my father was a black belter and teaching too.
But nothing really happened. Aside from few kicks and bodies flying backwards, there was no one who was seriously harmed. My cousin died few years back before I can see him again. Someone poisoned him by mixing grounded glass with his gin during one of those drinking sessions. I don’t know if I can call it justice.
That’s the end of my escapades with my cousins from my father sides but not from my mothers. But I’ll save it for another blog; this one is long enough as it is. Besides, that is totally different story all together. I might tell it one of these days.
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society
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Posted:Dec 10, 2008 3:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 12, 2008 9:49 am 6388 Views
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I trekked through the graveyard in solid black attire
Passing by the headstones fenced off by sharp barbed wire
Each looked damp and cold as they slowly crumbled away
They’ve never seen a heart of warmth or even the light of day
The ground was stiff and solid because the frost air drifting by
Clouds loomed overhead eradicating the sun from the sky
The church on the hilltop roared alive with its bells
Calling forth the buried souls from their eternal hells
Bodies, limbs and faces rose forth from the ground beneath
Dirty bones and decaying skin and mouths of rotting teeth
Each lumbered lifelessly to the grim church far ahead
With rhythmic stomps of footsteps they sung the sounds of the dead
Their brows cast shadows that ran past their eyes
Hiding the blackened tears that amplified their cries
My internals twisted endlessly and my ears began to bleed
I grabbed my head and closed my eyes for they where being deceived
But the cries just got louder as they wearily approached the quarry
Lighting struck and lit up the yard and exposed its Gothic Glory
I headed for the exit gates, fighting past the rambling oddities
Revenants and wraiths and all of their kind all right next to me
The iron gates where tall and heavy and locked tight with heavy chains
As they enclosed on me with their taste for blood my hope began to wane
My flesh was torn and my body twitched, tossed into the bloody ground
All bones where shattered and my soul was taken and I was left to drown
I have seen the church and the souls that it’s robbed
I’ve been tasted by all the Horrors and I’ve become the Macabre
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16:17
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Posted:Dec 10, 2008 7:18 am
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2008 9:37 am 6134 Views
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The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin. A person has to be an expert tightrope walker in order not to fall.
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cul -de- sac
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Posted:Dec 8, 2008 7:07 pm
Last Updated:Dec 24, 2008 7:00 pm 6816 Views
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Apparently is a (neglected) part of a woman’s anatomy.(And the new G-zone) It’s located just under the uterus and only accessible at a certain moment prior to the big “O” when the pelvic muscles are pulled together lifting the uterus for a few seconds opening the entrance to this new paradise while relaxing the muscles around it.
The best way to stimulate the area (according to the source) is by doing the missionaries’ position-with a twist. Meaning: the man has to push the legs of the woman further almost up to her shoulder and grind those hip bone(s) which btw is also a great way to massage the clt-or-is at the same time.
Now, how to explain all these to D. 
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Until the end...
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Posted:Dec 8, 2008 9:41 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2008 10:19 am 6334 Views
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Sometimes I give up
Sometimes I just sit back, and wish I was someone else, living another life.
I just feel that I can't take any more.
I have tried so hard to understand, to accept, to agree, and to move on from the pain,
but it's like a great weight, pulling me back, holding me down, and engulfing me.
I sometimes wonder what the point is in trying to sort things out,
given that I have to fight tooth and nail sometimes to be heard.
It would be so easy to run away to disappear to not be seen from, or heard from again.
Deep down I know I won't be missed.
Deep down I know that I didn't matter.
Sometimes I think that life is getting better,
and yet there is this gaping wound that is not healing.
I don't know how to face it,
but I know that I will be facing it alone.
I sometimes I wonder where my friends are,
and what happened to all the people I have know and loved.
I sometimes wonder why they are gone from my life,
and if it was my fault.
Sometimes I just wonder if I think to much,
if I'm caught in a cycle of self reflection,
that ultimately has trapped me into feeling self loathing,
and self doubt.
I sometimes wonder if I have ever loved at all,
or did I just pretend so that I could feel love.
Maybe I don't have the capacity to love,
or be loved.
Sometimes I wonder if I will smile and laugh again.
If my spirit will fly free and soar,
or will I spend the rest of my days alone,
trapped in an isolated self-created prison,
to which I no longer have the key,
or the understanding to escape.
I sometimes just wonder why,
but know that road leads to madness and insanity.
Still, they are better company than loneliness.
They are much better company than fear.
Sometimes I wonder if it's all a dream,
and if one day I will wake up and find out that I am someone else,
and that I have another life.
The truth is sometimes just too painful to bear.
I sometimes wonder what happened to the dreams I had,
and the future I once wanted,
I wonder what happened to the life I once had.
Sometimes I think I must have dropped it along the way,
or put it down somewhere and forgot about it.
Sometimes I wonder why I believe that things will get better,
when the reality is that belief is fleeting.
What I want, what I need is a moment that I can believe in,
that I can hold on to,
and worship when the darkness comes.
I sometimes just wander,
and try to loose myself in a memory,
anything to escape the dreadful certainty that my time has gone past,
and that I missed the sign pointing me the right way.
And sometimes, just sometimes I believe that tomorrow just might be a better day.
~MH
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