fool me once
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Posted:Jan 25, 2009 4:02 am
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2009 3:37 am 7666 Views
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when the mask came off...
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wandering alice
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Posted:Jan 25, 2009 3:15 am
Last Updated:Jan 29, 2009 5:31 am 7633 Views
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I’m only lonely in the mornings and afternoons and evenings and nights
I yell kind words into the silence so that I can fall in love with echoes
I sleep next to walls and pillows and radiators and lights
To give me the touch that I’m afraid to seek.
Would I kill my memories for a spotless mind?
Delete cells encoding my fears and my flaws?
If I expand my horizons and change definitions,
Will peace answer my beckoning calls?
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copycat
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Posted:Jan 22, 2009 4:41 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2009 11:31 am 10973 Views
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There is nothing more annoying than a Copycat. This animal is unoriginal, and it is extremely annoying to be within his vicinity. If you are even a bit innovative or unique, avoid familiarizing yourself with him lest you suddenly find mini-you’s appearing everywhere you turn. While this attention may seem “cute” at first, it has the potential to get old - fast.
A Copycat is usually found in packs, where he flourishes. A Lone Copycat is rare and usually depressed because of his lack of something to imitate. He might start to change the colour of his skin to blend into the walls, the trees, or whatever he happens to be next to, for want of human contact. Avoid him at all costs, for he will be desperate and clingy!
Even more dangerous, perhaps, is the Common Copycat. These animals have the annoying tendency to sneak around among us, disguised as ordinary humans, waiting for their chance to pounce. You must be on your guard against these masquerading menaces! Keep a close watch on the people around you before you are lulled into a false sense of security. While they rarely change skin colour as the Lone Copycat does, a few defining factors may alert you to the presence of a Common Copycat.
(1) He may be unsure of himself.
(2) He may be excessively nosy. Once he knows you inside and out, it will be easy for him to copy you.
(3) He may constantly overly-compliment you.
(4) He may change his actions to fit the scene, despite his feelings.
(5) He may keep one eye concealed. Be aware, for this eye may be a Sharingan, enabling him to mimic your every move.
If you notice more than one of these early symptoms in someone, you may have a Common Copycat on your hands. Be wary around him. I might suggest toning down your innovation, for he will be inexplicably drawn to the brightest innovation, but that is almost unthinkable for someone of your calibre. He is probably starting to stealthily stalk toward you, shedding the mimicking of others as he goes for your throat.
If he actually begins to copy you, you will have a more serious problem. That, of course, is the easiest way for discerning a Common Copycat.
I have come up with only one solution to this problem. We shall all sit in straight-backed chairs, not moving the entire day and watch the Copycats go insane as they try to mimic our stoic actions. After a few days, when they are properly driven crazy, we will all have our laughs and go back to our normal lives without worry that someone will interrupt our uniqueness. A few of us might even lend a hand with the straightjackets, and, of course, someone has to drive the truckload of Copycats to the asylum, which might lend opportunity for new experiences and ideas. Those new ideas will be safe, with no threat of being stolen, then.
I know, we can calmly tell ourselves “imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.”
But surely there is a limit.
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like a single hiccup
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Posted:Jan 21, 2009 4:43 pm
Last Updated:Jan 23, 2009 7:12 am 7481 Views
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She was my best friend. At least, that’s what she told everybody including myself. For me, we were best friends with benefits. We had friendship without limits. Only she was not aware of the benefits. Maybe because things only happens when she (and i) was intoxicated. But never sober. Afraid perhaps? Don’t want the consequences and complications it may bring? I don’t know. If she said we’re only best of friends so be it.
Things were not that complicated in the beginning. She was just a neighbour and I was just there watching. I watched her spins her web, and before I know, I was caught in. Not that she’s trying. That is one thing she never did, try. It just happened. We sat with each other (if she had nothing better to do) we talked, we drank, we kissed we smoked, philosophized, and argued and tell to each other we didn’t care. She had boyfriends, I had girlfriend. But we spent Christmas, New Year, valentines and almost every minute (she could spare) with each other. If only it stayed that way.
But little boys do grow up. They started to see things differently. They start wondering why she didn’t know that she was his first kiss. How could she forget things like that? It supposed to be important. He became tired of watching who will be the flavour of the night and if it didn’t worked out the way she scripted it, he had to jump in to save the day. Always on stand by, always waiting. But no recognition, Status undefined. Except the fact that she will break any relationship if the contract includes: “forbidden to see Jim.” And the knife cuts both ways. He will ditch any girl who will not allow him to play with the vampire girl. His excuse: I have known her longer than anyone except my own mother. He’s good at fooling himself.
So, one night in pathetic attempt to wake her up from her years of slumber he wrote this poem:
Forget the LOVE that i once showed
Forget the fact that i once CARED
Forget the times we spent together
REMEMBER now I’m gone forever
Forget i CRIED the whole night long
Forget me when they played OUR SONG
Forget how close we once were
Remember now i have chosen ANOTHER
Forget i MEMORIZED your walk
Forget the way we USED to talk
Forget the times when i was mad
Remember I'm HAPPY and you are SAD
Forget the times i called you on the phone
Forget those moments that were ALONE
Forget i made your DREAMS come true
Remember now there's someone NEW
Forget my GENTLE teasing way
Forget I see you everyday
Forget all the things we used to do
Forget the THRILLS when i look at you
Forget the way i speak your NAME
Remember now things are not the same
Forget the way you held my HAND
Forget all those things IF you CAN
Forget I said I LOVE YOU TOO
Remember now its NO LONGER YOU
Forget the moments that went so FAST
Forget those times; they're part of the PAST
Forget our DREAMS that CANNOT come true
FORGET ME BECAUSE I HAVE FORGOTTEN YOU
So, forget my NAME and my FACE
Forget my KISSES and warm EMBRACE
Forget my LOVE that ONCE was true
Remember now YOU must find SOMEONE new.
Only it didn’t really worked the way he pictured it was going to be. She laughed at him and said she didn’t understand. Why complicate the matters when there is no need to do so. She asked why he cannot stay the same; she thought they were doing okay, why suddenly she can’t recognize him anymore? Where is my Jim she said?
So he told her that her Jim was gone. He grown up and vanished. That the reason why she cannot understand was because her brain is closed, And she never try to put herself in the position of others, that she is selfish and had Peter Pan’s Syndrome. Boy, he was courageous and foolish and there was no way back.
The drugs came shortly after. From there was downhill. The only one who stayed was Rachel (his girlfriend) she, the vampire girl won’t even speak to him. The last thing she said was: “Jim, I couldn’t understand. Why? You are my best friend.” The next day she had a new boyfriend. Is that fair?
The vampire girl disappears one day. She even sold the house next to his. So, after 8 years of living next door to that strange creature, he now often wonders what happened to her…
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just asking...
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Posted:Jan 20, 2009 4:52 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2009 11:38 am 9239 Views
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What if I tell you I am not wearing any pants?
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You may think I was something to catch
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Posted:Jan 20, 2009 4:26 pm
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2009 11:55 am 9234 Views
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I’m going to break away from these chains that bind me.
Finally now, I will be able to say I’m free.
I’m not going to be tied down by “What ifs” of tomorrow
And hoping for things I know will never be.
I’m not going to look back when I leave you
There will be no sideways glance behind.
I’m going to hit the trails of freedom
Before my words finally sink into your mind.
You might reach out a hand to grasp me
But all you’ll catch is the dusty air.
You might scream out my name in hope
But it’s no use when I’m no longer there.
The birds will serenade me with their songs
And perhaps they may turn to your side.
They might try to persuade me to turn around
But I no longer have anything else to hide.
I was never meant to be tamed
In the wild I was meant to live and fight
My heart is a racing mustang across the prairie
There is no stopping me tonight.
You may think I was something to catch
But in fact, I was just someone to love.
You may try and pull me in close to your side
But I’m nothing you have ever dreamed of.
I’m not one to be chained down by promises
At least not anymore it seems.
I’m running on a different path now
And I’ll keep running until I’m low on steam.
The world may throw obstacles at me
They might try to tell me to go back.
But I’m living life on my terms now
And there’s no way I’m falling off track.
In this life you don’t know what you have
Until it’s slipped between your fingers and gone
Guess you should have thought of that earlier
You never know–I could have been the one.
I’m not sticking around in hopes that
A miracle might somehow come to me.
Tonight I’m finally breaking off these chains on my heart
From now until the end–I was meant to be free.
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tonight
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Posted:Jan 17, 2009 10:30 am
Last Updated:Feb 1, 2009 3:56 pm 12232 Views
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... i decided to do something about the morning erection
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morning erection
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Posted:Jan 12, 2009 9:27 pm
Last Updated:Feb 9, 2009 2:59 am 17187 Views
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Upon waking up, I noticed that D. has a huge(!) morning erection, so I asked him why he lied about never having one. He told me that he never said “never” but “rarely” End of the conversation.
After our usual morning routine, I (can’t help) saw that he still has it, so I ask him (again) why it took so long to subside; He said: “it is still morning isn’t it?
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where is Tsoko?
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Posted:Jan 11, 2009 2:04 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2009 12:41 pm 12248 Views
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He’s fcking back! Couple of nights already. I cannot understand. I thought I gotten rid of him for good. But last night, he visited me again. I talk about this guy for the first time in my blog HE'S THERE AGAIN the bstard
Then he disappeared after few last attempt of bringing me with him into the unknown.
I have no single clue why he starts materializing again? Stress perhaps? Uncertainty?
I don’t know! in the beginning I thought he is the product of a traumatic 20 years of marriage brought on by multiple experience of someone surprising me in my sleep by dragging yours truly by the hair all the way downstairs simply because he feels like doing it. Or probably a lot earlier during my childhood when my dear departed father used to do the same with his wife each and every Sunday of our lives after the Sunday mass.
But that was ages ago! Both my ex and my father are not with me anymore (sadly not for the same reason) nobody is threatening my life at all (it’s the other way around) D. can never hurt a fly even if he wanted to. (he carries insects =spiders= out the house and lovingly sets them free in the garden which reminds me of what Eric the Phantom said, that even spiders have rights to a mate)
But last night he appeared again, and couple of nights before that. I get so tired of it that I (in my dream, nightmare, fantasy etc.) tossed aside my blanket and jump out of the bed onto his back shouting: “okay, you don’t want to leave me alone? May the best wo/man win. Geronimoooooo!!! I woke(?) up on the floor disappointed.
I will consider it a fair fight if I can move freely. But most of the time I am paralyzed. It’s so unfair! I cannot even move my big toe for crying out loud! It takes all my will power and mental strength to be able to escape from his hypnotizing gaze and come back to this world. If I could only shout… in his world I am shouting on top of my lungs, but nobody (not even D. who is from time to time tries to sleep next to me) in my universe hear a squeak from me; nobody.
Sometimes I thought I was really a vampire in my previous life, and someone caught me by surprise in my sleep (coffin) and drove a stake into my heart and killed me that way. That’s why my sub-conscious remembering the tragic incident taught me to put locks and dead bolts wherever possible and stay awake while sleeping. That’s why even my dream house who gonna dig the tunnel didn’t worked out the way I wanted it to be. Tragic. (Practically my life story)
What to do now? Back to the old habit of looking behind doors and garbage bins thinking somebody could be hiding there? Or coming home expecting someone He never sees Margaret again from the past is sitting there waiting for me?
I don’t really know where to begin.
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whatever that doesn't mean
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Posted:Jan 8, 2009 7:55 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2009 12:54 pm 8384 Views
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Memories stay forever the same. The past is an old dopey smile, photographed for the sake of the eternal (forever is such an overused concept) .
. And the future never happens.
And let's face it; we all take the present for granted. All the beautiful SHT at our feet is kicked aside to see the rest of everything. The imagination is never. And maybe there are too many words, or the wrong ones, and maybe this is about love, or self pity in drag (oh, how we love to dress our problems in sequined cocktail dresses and high heels) .
, but all I know is that you're in too deep wherever you are.
In five years, you'll hate that song. Or maybe you won't even remember the words, just the horror-movie-music-box-love-you-forever of the chorus. But you'll still hear the voice in that chorus, sometimes with a smile, and sometimes silently you'll cry and wonder out loud “Where has the time gone?"
And then you'll scream and jump off some cliff .
and forget to laugh forever after. Or maybe you'll dance in the proverbial rain, whatever that doesn't mean .
. Or maybe you'll be so paralyzed by all you never knew you (didn't) miss, you'll run until all that's left of you is endless footprints.
Or maybe you'll pick up that old guitar you always knew you secretly hated for showing you exactly where your fault lines were. Maybe you'll pick it up and let the alphabet soup in your brain make something bigger than you and me.
Or (such things you could make yourself, in this dream catcher world)
you'll go up to what you've 'known' forever and realize that you've been fooling yourself, that you've been forever human and you never knew what it was.
Maybe it'll stay, and you'll gain what you thought you lost (and knew you never really had) in some elementary school lost-and-found.
Or maybe, tomorrow, you'll look at yourself, and you'll be the same stained-glass stranger you've always been, and you were awake and dreaming.
Or maybe you'll do as I have(I humour myself to think that I'm not the only one), and fill old graph paper with words (to each what they think is their own).
But when the stars fall at your feet, all there will be will be the forever-overused memories, your delusions of pain and grandeur. And there's nothing a world can't do, Whatever the voice in that music-box chorus doesn't mean.
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