Dating 101: Four Ways to Turn Jealousy Into an Asset......
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Posted:Oct 14, 2008 10:10 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2009 7:04 pm 4613 Views
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Jealousy is a form of negative self-talk which research shows can cause anxiety and depression.
Jealousy is a form of negative self-talk which research shows can cause anxiety and depression. We all know it can lead to painful heartbreak, scads of worry, out-of-control outbursts, and setbacks in a relationship. It can even destroy love. But is it possible that jealousy can ever be a good thing?
Making jealousy work for you
Let's take a look at some ways that moderate spurts of jealousy might actually work in your favor. First of all, let's say your partner spends what seems to be an awfully long time laughing at some cutie's jokes. That worried jealous feeling in your gut can serve to show you that your partner is desirable to you. We have a tendency to devalue anyone who wants to be in a club that would have us as a member. Plus, after being in a relationship for a while, the sparks tend to die down. So seeing someone validate your partner's attractiveness is a good thing. It fans the sparks you still have for your partner. That flash of green in your eyes is a sign that you still care about and want him or her.
Secondly, having a jealous spell can give you tremendous insight into your own insecurities and negative self-talk. "She has such thin thighs...my thighs are fat." "She is so bubbly...and I am boring." "He is smooth, knows what to say...I never seem to make her happy." You can notice the ticker-tape of negative beliefs and worries about yourself when you become jealous. This is very important, because if you notice these ideas you can actually change them.
Third, mild attacks of jealousy can be a good thing because they can motivate you to grow and make yourself better. If you see your partner paying attention to some well-kept, in-shape person, you may think to yourself, "It's back to the gym for me!" If you see your partner flirting with a good-looking gal or guy, you may decide to work on your intimacy moves instead of letting your partner go wanting in that department.
Fourth, jealousy may show you that you need more from your partner: more attention, more compliments, more affection, or more passion. Then you can work on making it happen. If you are feeling loved and grounded in your relationship, you are less likely to become jealous. If you are fresh from a night of passion and "I love you's," another person cannot compete! No more jealousy.
What to do when jealousy happens
Here are four steps to help you turn jealousy into a positive force:
1. When you feel jealous, realize that it is a sign of how much you care for your partner. Make a point of being affectionate and caring. Tell them just how special and great they are. Chances are, they will focus even more attention on you and forget about anyone else.
2. Journal about the negative self-talk that jealousy brings up for you. For every negative statement, write a positive one. For example, if you write, "I have ugly acne," add a sentence like "My eyes are a gorgeous blue." This will actually help you rewire your brain circuitry in a positive way!
3. Notice what qualities make you jealous. Is it the fact that the other person is in great shape? Or that they are sensual? Make a plan to work on yourself so that you develop some of those same qualities.
4. When you are feeling jealous, think about what you might need from your partner. And use positive and straight talk to ask for it. For example, you might say, "Honey, I would love it if you would rub my shoulders and kiss the nape of my neck."
When jealousy goes too far
Of course, some of us have chronic and major struggles with jealousy. If you have the same scenario playing out over and over again where anger and fighting keep erupting, you may have a serious problem with the green-eyed monster. This often occurs if your partner has cheated on you in the past or if you are terribly insecure about your attractiveness to your partner. The painful saga may drag on with one lover after another. It results from picking players or people who are not into you or provoking good partners into unfaithfulness with your constant accusations.
Serious and chronic jealousy is a type of paranoid self-talk that destroys love.
Serious and chronic jealousy is a type of paranoid self-talk that destroys love. With this kind of severe jealousy, it is best to go into individual or couples therapy to work out the deeper issues.
The ultimate goal is to not allow jealousy to create negative self-talk and destructive comments and behavior. Instead, use spurts of jealousy to help you develop more positive self-talk, to be a better person, and to create more love in your life.
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LOVE IS NOT PERFECT...
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 5:08 pm
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2008 12:14 pm 4688 Views
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Love is not perfect!
When you thought you've found Mr. Perfect,
Suddenly you'll realize
that you were never wise.
Let's all admit it!
We've always dream of it.
Finding the right love,
Doing the right move.
How we'd wish it will be forever,
Being the PERFECT LOVER!
Doing things to make it better,
never thought you'd cry a river.
Love...oh LOVE!
Pure as a dove...
You've given all for LOVE
Only to END in a sob.
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. .♥♥♥♥..YOU....♥♥♥♥
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 4:20 pm
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2008 12:15 pm 4659 Views
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I've always been told to share my blessings..
Things that money can buy and used...
Things that can be worn and out and thrown...
But things has changed....when I met YOU...
So, I asked myself...who... YOU? and Why...YOU?
B'coz in YOU...It makes my life worthliving....
YOU... gave me hope, and shelter my self in your arms...
YOU... shares me the gift of LOVE that others envied...
YOU... designed my life to look forward to FOREVER...
And in YOU...YOU're one of a genuine blessing
I don't wanna' share with... to anyone else....
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You and Me................
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 4:15 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 6:44 pm 4614 Views
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If you don’t have a point you can’t argue,
Judgment for you is waiting in the queue;
You don’t want to give up but it’s not in your hands,
Because you went on too many errands;
Try not to be so stubborn,
I know you are angry but please don’t frown;
It’s hard to be in a fight with you,
Because every second I think you are true;
It’s pointless to fight on trifle things,
Because in the end, nothing it brings;
Life is a game we all need to play,
But sometimes you feel it’s just made of clay;
And that’s what puts you in dismay,
I’m sorry, but there is no other way;
I stick to my word because it’s my pride,
I’ll take every challenge in my stride;
Life is not a joke I can feel it today,
I can’t sit here and just let it sway;
Principles in life, like my father said,
I’ll follow them, I’ll stick it up my head;
I’ll try to live even if I’m dead,
And that’s the mystery one has never read;
I may not know much about you,
But somehow we are all the same;
If we do not accept this fact as true,
Then we are all just sick and lame;
All I want to tell you is,
What you see ahead, please don’t miss;
I may not live for quite long,
But as long as I live nothing will be wrong;
We all have our lives, just got to make it great,
Take my hand, I’ll help you before it’s too late;
Together we can reach ‘impossible’
Everything from then on will look plausible…
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Describe the meaning of love....
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 4:12 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 6:44 pm 4474 Views
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How would you describle LOve?
Love is so beautiful, pure & devine
so uniquely, one of a kind
Love doesnt judge by its race,religion or gender
is very brittle, fragile & thin like ice
Love must be taking care with tenderness
honesty,loyalty & interiority
Love is contagious like a germ
grows deeper,deeper til' it hits your heart
as you noticed you get the side effects..
butterflies in the tummy,
heart beats faster,faster
your body becomes numb
this love bug got you paralazed..
paralazes you..
where it controls your body, mind & soul.
stuck like glue, got you trapped..
where with that one touch,
one look,
one kiss,
begins to knock you off your feet,
hearts beating faster
&& has you realize that you are taking each
and, every piece of clothing with your eyes..
{{{ endless & magical love }}}
Love is like a seed grows into a blooming beautiful flower.
that shines so brightly beneath the ray of sunlight
But, when the germ fades away
BOY, it sure does stab you like a knife & sting you like a bee
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No easy way to be loved........
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 4:01 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2024 6:44 pm 4517 Views
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When I think of the games,
Wondering when it will all end.
Always playing that silly love game,
Praying for that love game to all end.
Everyday is a new day people always say,
Waking up with a clean new start.
For I contemplate each painful day,
Hurting thoughts that dwells within my heart.
Hoping one day I get to that part,
Which ends the pain that’s in my heart.
But to live life without my guard,
Consuming my heart to endless yards.
Learning in life that love is pain & pain is love,
Will feel like your freeing a beautiful white turtle dove .
But when your experiencing sweet and passionate love,
It feels like your floating in heaven from up above.
One last thing I need to say,
There’s no easy way to be loved.
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Harder Than I Thought............
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 3:56 pm
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2008 4:20 pm 4498 Views
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Loving someone can be a beautiful thing
But it's not as easy as I thought
Falling in love with him was so easy
That is why being without him is not
Loving someone means living in fear
The day he'll leave me
I fear that it's near
One day my sun will not rise
Turning my world so black
I can try and try, I can cry and cry
That can't stop him from saying goodbye
Loving someone is filling your life with tears
Imagine how it feels
Opening your heart to someone
And he doesn't think yor feelings are real
Being in love is harder than I thought
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DESTINY....
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 3:47 pm
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2008 6:11 pm 4452 Views
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Destiny
Fate
Free will
Freedom
Beliefs
I have beliefs
I also have faith in us
I believe in fate
That are life is already planned out
But we have the option to take it
Or leave it
Or change things on the way
Destiny
Fate
Free will
Freedom
Beliefs
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LOVE QOUTES..........
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 2:52 pm
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2008 3:05 pm 4455 Views
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love says: don't let me loose for I might fall off. Not too tight cause I might get squeezed. Just gently then maybe, just maybe, I might just stay for keeps..
love is a cycle. When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. When you hate, you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing. And when you start missing, eventually youÂ’ll fall inlove again.
when you decide to love, allow it to grow. when you promise to love, refuse to let it go. love is a painful risk to take. only love makes you cry and only love knows why.
when two hearts are meant to be, no matter how long it takes, no matter how far they go, no matter how tough it seems. Fate will bring them together, to share a life forever.
you might find it easy to fall inlove with someone. The hard thing is to keep that someone forever. But thatÂ’s the challenge of love, fighting without knowing how to win.
love isn't a superman complex. You don’t love someone cause you think that person needs rescuing. You love someone cause you think youÂ’ve found someone extraordinary and you wouldnÂ’t want to exchange it for anything in the world.
go for the person who makes you smile with all your heart and soul. The person whom you canÂ’t wait to see or talk to. This is the person whom youÂ’re meant to be with. Maybe not forever, but for now, theyÂ’re right for you.
getting into a relationship is not a contest of who is almost always right. It is becoming like what the japanese call “wise bamboo”, meaning you bend so you don’t break.
sometimes, you just have to forget the rules, follow your heart and see where it takes you. Never apologize for saying what you feel cause thatÂ’s like saying sorry for being real. Never regret anything you said or did because at some point, it was what you wanted. True strength it being able to hold it all together when everyone else is expecting you to fall apart.
when it comes to love, its hard to know if you have the right one. Many promises have been made, but still lovers weep and are left in sorrow. Cause words canÂ’t immortalize emotions.
if your tears have been frozen cause of trying to stop it from falling, for pretending not to be hurt about something. Come to me, I might not stop your heart from bleeding but I can give you mine to keep you living..
when we get hurt, it is one way God is telling us that not all thatÂ’s painful is bad or wrong. We get hurt so weÂ’d never hurt others the way we were hurt.
I donÂ’t wanna think IÂ’m gonna lose you someday. YouÂ’ve been always there for me, and I wanna be there for you just the same. YouÂ’re the kind of person I could never afford to lose, not now, not ever.
late at night, I cry these tears away, wondering what I can do or what I can say. ‘cause it seems to me that without me you can still get through. But I tell you this, you may not need me, but I still need you!
somewhere in your heart try to find a place for me, somewhere in your heart I won't care where it would be. one little corner may not mean so much to you, but one little corner is all I ask of you.
how I wish to hear you say the words forever, how I dream that weÂ’ll always be together, how I wait for you to say we'll stay for a lifetime, how I love you loving me till the end of time.
My friend once asked me if I do love u. I answered "yes", they asked me again, "does he love you?" then I sat down, look at the stars and closed my eyes. Wishes do come true right?
I know we're moving on with our own lives right now but whatever it takes, whenever, wherever and whatever will be, no matter what, you'll still be a part of whatever I'll be.
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HOW OFTEN ARE THINGS SIMPLY CLEAR AND RIGHT??
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Posted:Oct 10, 2008 12:20 pm
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2008 6:12 pm 4433 Views
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How often are things simply clear and right?
Each day we come to moments of despair.
Love is something wonderfully there,
Even in the blackest hours of night.
No one can tell why one of all the rest
Makes our flower open to the sun.
In truth we could love almost anyone.
Choosing, though, does not involve a test.
How often does an angel touch our skin,
Altering forever who we are?
Every passion fades, but love's a star
Lit by holy fires deep within.
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