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♥♥¸.*´¨`*~♥♫♥¸.*´¨`*.¸۩ ♦۞ ♦۩ ¸.*´¨`*.¸♥♫♥¸.*´¨`*♥♥
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__"###,__,####' THANK......
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4 your comments.............¸.*´¨`*♥♥
Hope you have a wonderful Day! Filled with love and laughter
.
~.~ ))HUGS(( ~.~
Roxy
 "Life is not worth living if you're not smiling and laughing"  
        
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oN GiViNg MoRe ThAn 100 PeRcEnT
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Mar 26, 2007 7:45 pm
6347 Views
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On Giving More than 100 Percent
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%?
Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullsh[i!1l]t will put you over the top!
And look how far
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
will take you!
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MANAGEMENT LESSONS 1 2 3
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Mar 26, 2007 7:32 pm
7512 Views
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Management Lessons
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson?
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, here he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson?
Bull Sh_t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
A happy, little fly was buzzing around a barn one day, when she happened upon a large pile of fresh horse manure.
Since it had been hours since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pains, she flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out.
She ate ... And ate ... and then ... she ate some more!!!
Finally, she decided she'd had plenty. She washed her face with her tiny front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away.
But alas...she had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground.
She looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation when she spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall.
She'd found a solution!! She realized if she could just become airborne she'd be able to fly again. So, she painstakingly, climbed to the top of the handle.
Once there, she took a deep breath, spread her tiny fly wings, and leaped confidently into the air.
She dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor! Dead Fly...
Management Lesson?
Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of sh_t.
Lesson Number 4
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's response and functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the xhole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the xhole being the Boss. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the xhole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the sh[i!1l]t!
Management Lesson: - You don't need brains to be a Boss - Any x$$hole will do.
Lesson Number 5 -
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there pinned by the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons: -
1). Not everyone who drops 5hit on you is your enemy.
2). Not everyone who gets you out of 5hit is your friend.
3). And when you're in deep xHIT, keep your mouth xHUT!
Management Lesson 6
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour, " she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a Position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Management Lesson 7
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Management Lesson 8
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pinacolada’s and the love of my life. "Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
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WHY I FIRED MY SECREATARY
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Mar 26, 2007 7:26 pm
5936 Views
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Why I Fired My Secretary
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go." We went to lunch.
We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not." ; She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."
"Sure," I excitedly replied.
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
And there I sat...on the couch..........naked.
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CHINESE ZODIAC: Predict harvests, a person fortune, career, friendship and marriage prospects.
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Mar 5, 2007 12:30 pm
10537 Views
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CHINESE ZODIAC: Predict harvests, a person's fortune, career, friendship and marriage prospects.
CHINESE ZODIAC
The Chinese zodiac consists of a 12 year cycle, each year of which named after a different animal that imparts distinct characteristics to it’s year. Many Chinese believes that the year of a person’s birth is the primary factor in determining that a person’s personality traits, physical and mental attributes and degree of success and happiness throughout his lifetime. To learn about your animal sign, find the year of your birth among the 12 signs running around the border.
The 12 animals are rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, rooster, dog, and pig. They often symbolize or predict harvests, a person's fortune, career, friendship and marriage prospects. Here are some interesting traditional thoughts on the zodiac:
RABBIT
1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011
Luckiest of all signs, you are also talented and articulate. Affectionate, yet shy, you seek peace throughout your life. Marry a Sheep or Boar. Your opposite is the cock.
DRAGON
1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012
You are eccentric and your life complex. You have a very passionate nature and abundant health. Marry a Monkey or Rat. Late in life.
SNAKE
1905, 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001
Wise and intense with a tendency towards physical beauty. Vain and high tempered.
The Boar is your enemy. The cock or Ox are your best signs.
HORSE1906, 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002
Popular and attractive to the opposite \bsexo?\b. You are often ostentatious and impatient. You need people. Marry a Tiger or a Dog early, but never a Rat.
SHEEP
1907, 1919,1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
Elegant and creative, you are timid and prefer anonymity. You are most compatible with Boars and Rabbits but never the Ox.
MONKEY
1908, 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
You are very intelligent and are able to influence people. An enthusiastic achiever, you are easily discouraged and confused. Avoid Tigers. Seek a Dragon or Rat.
TIGER
1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
Tiger people are aggressive, courageous, candid an sensitive. Look to the Horse and Dog for happiness. Beware of the Monkey.
OX
1013, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
Bright, patient and inspiring to others. You can be happy by yourself, yet make an outstanding parent. Marry a Snake or cock. The Sheep will bring trouble.
RAT
1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
You are ambitious yet honest. Prone to spend freely. Seldom make lasting friends. Most compatible with Dragons and Monkeys. Least compatible with Horses.
BOAR
1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
Nobel and chivalrous. Your friends will be lifelong, yet you are prone to marital strife. Avoid other Boars. Marry a Rabbit or a Sheep.
DOG
1910, 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
Loyal and honest you work well with others. Generous yet stubborn and often selfish. Look to the Horse or Tiger. Watch out for Dragons.
cock
1909, 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
A pioneer in spirit, you are devoted to work and quest after knowledge. You are selfish and eccentric, Rabbits are trouble. Snakes and Oxen are fine.
Every twelfth year following a person's birth becomes his 'Benmingnian'. In each of these years he should wear a red waistband, or red coat and socks to ward off devils. For example, if a person was born in the year of the rat, then he must wear red in every succeeding year of the rat.
- People born in different years often have diverse characters. For example, one born in the year of dog is thought to be alert and faithful; another one born in the year of ox, diligent and moderate; etc.
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ALTERNATIVE PHRASES TO CURSING
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Feb 27, 2007 9:38 am
4797 Views
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Alternative Phrases to Cursing
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals in the Accounting Department have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the fu[kcq]k do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No fu[kcq]king way.
TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You've got to be sh[i!1l]tting me!
TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a sh[i!1l]t.
TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my fu[kcq]king problem.
TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the fu[kcq]k?
TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh[i!1l]t won't work.
TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He's got his head up his \bass\b.
TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat sh[i!1l]t and die.
TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my \bass\b.
TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
fu[kcq]k it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your \bass\b.
TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.
TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING:
I see.
INSTEAD OF:
Blow me.
TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the fu[kcq]k you're doing.
Thank You
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WHAT THE NEW JOB LINGO REALLY MEANS
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Feb 27, 2007 9:29 am
3284 Views
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What The New Job Lingo Really Means
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY - We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED - Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL - We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED - Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE - You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY - We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED - You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED - Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY - Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL - We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED - Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE - You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST - You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS - You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS - Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
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NEW EMPLOYEE MANUAL
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Feb 27, 2007 7:56 am
3321 Views
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New Employee Manual
Welcome aboard! You are one of our most valued new employees. Enclosed please find some helpful guidelines to company policy.
OVERTIME - The Company has an optional overtime policy - you have the option of working forty hours of overtime or eighty hours of overtime.
PROMOTION - The Company rewards hard work and devotion. We like to think that if you work hard and devote enough time and energy to the company, you will be rewarded by being allowed to train the CEO's son when he is promoted to Vice President over you.
STOCK OPTIONS - You may buy shares in the company when it goes public. So named because you'll be working in the stock room at Wal-Mart when the company goes belly-up due to your incompetence.
401k - This is how much money you'll lose under your "Stock Option" plan.
HEALTH PLAN - No, that isn't a misprint; you now belong to an H.M.O. That stands for "Hell's Medical Organization." It was organized by some of Hell's finest minds: Hitler, Genghis Khan, and Josef Stalin worked night and day to create a 162-page manual documenting the exact terms of your coverage, but it all boils down to three points:
1) You belong to the HMO. We mean that literally - as of now, the HMO owns you. To insure that you don't forget your subscriber number, we will tattoo it to your forehead.
2) You have been assigned a primary care physician. You will not be told your physician's name. You may never see your physician. Your physician is imaginary. If you see any doctor without express written permission of your imaginary primary care physician, you will be forced to pay full price, plus eat your weight in lard.
3) You are not covered under this plan.
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HOW MUCH WOULD YOU TAKE OFF
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Feb 27, 2007 7:53 am
3246 Views
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How Much Would You Take Off
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
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CORPORATE POSITION Relative to the Size of Your Balls
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Feb 27, 2007 7:51 am
2401 Views
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Corporate Position Relative to the Size of Your Balls
READ THE FOLLOWING SIX STATEMENTS AND THE AMAZING CONCLUSION THEY LEAD TO:
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is GOLF.
AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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FINDING THE RIGHT ONE..........
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Feb 5, 2007 9:51 pm
4641 Views
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When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance.
When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.
Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get togetherbecause ofthis) is not a choice. That's also a chance.
The difference is what happen after wards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level?
That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.
If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice.
Even if you know there are manypeople out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice.
Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.
Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this."Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen."
I do believe that soul mates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not.
We may meet our soul mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soulmates is still a choice we have to make.
We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love, BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly..
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To link to this blog (ROXYBARBIE) use [blog ROXYBARBIE] in your messages.
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