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endless...
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Jan 25, 2011 6:49 pm
1361 Views
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I want someone marvellous to come along and sweep me away, give me champagne and make me laugh and drive me hundred miles an hour to anywhere, anywhere far away and new and alive and full of colour.
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23
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i'm good!
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Jan 22, 2011 4:13 pm
1402 Views
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tonight i've been very good. instead of cladding myself in shouting colour, i conformed to the dress code. b&w it is!
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23
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random
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Jan 20, 2011 3:27 pm
1136 Views
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i hear it over and over again
the echo(es) of a thousand bells
listen... listen... brothers and sisters
halloween (never leaves) came early this year
i wonder if i would listen
or ignore all the warning bells
i can be deaf but blind as well?
must i be mute keep pretending?
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17
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How am I supposed to look like???
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Jan 13, 2011 5:33 pm
1343 Views
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Reading (while snacking diced cucumber with cottage cheese) “The secret life of loafers” an article written by P.B about how (corporate) women supposed to dress; she asked this question: “Do you believe women must wear heels to indicate formality?” (Dubbing it unfair and problematic) she, being a bona fide supporter of comfy flat shoes said:
“When a vivid imagination lifts one often off the ground, an extra inch of air under the soles supports neither productivity nor authority.”
Then she refers the reader to this wonderful blog of J.L about CEOs women of the world. (See enclosed article at the bottom of this post) and I thought: that exactly what my problem is, I’ve been told over and over again that I don’t look like somebody who works in the health sector (Why? how someone who has a job in the medical field supposed to look like?)
People in the Philippines said to me I don’t resemble a married woman or a mother, a sentiment my daughter very strongly shared. And I don’t look like a balikbayan either and I don’t dress up like a European resident etc. Well, how a wife and a mother supposed to look like? And a balikbayan? Do I have to wear all the pieces of jewelries I own to look like I am living in the land of milk and honey? No thank you! Simple is safer when traveling. I learned it the hard way.
Father of you-know-who admitted to me once that upon meeting me for the first time he didn’t expect that I have some ‘substance’ which goes in my book as an insult. Again, how a woman of fairly intelligence should outfit herself? It’s the same with the interior design of my place. I heard few side remarks that if someone comes into my house, nobody would suspect I’m an Asian for there is no single hint or clue about my ethnic origin. What the people want me to do? Buy all the souvenir items in the airport and decorate my dwelling with it? For Christ’s sakes!
Lately my latest ‘irritation’ is: people who see and meet me when I’m not working are having difficulties to believe I work in an office, let alone a partner of some small company I and you-know-who are trying to get off the ground. What if I tell them I’m starting my own business on the side as well? A design business for that matter? Would they faint before my eyes? Though no one but no one dare yet to insult me face to face by calling me a liar, I can see the way their eyes roll. They can hardly hide their negative facial expression. Why? And it seems I’m not alone in experiencing this because one corporate woman (I’m not saying I’m corporate though) wrote somewhere something like this: I usually find myself sending the “I’m doing something serious” message when out with friends. There is a part of me that wants to send a “but I’m not at work now” message. I suspect a change of shoes and bag would work.
Okay, I don’t own a single pump shoes and only one stiletto’s strappy sandals with sparkly crystals which do nothing to flatter my ankle. And I dress up according to my mood (one time I look like a gypsy, then gothic, other day boho-chic; could be casual military inspired attire also or a flirty dress. I even wear boyfriend’s jeans and blazer anything I fancy) but I can also dress for the occasion if I really have to. And mind you I look good in it too.
But most of the times, I opt for what I feel comfortable with, and that’s it. Which remind me of the time I posted my pictures here for the first time, I got quite number of emails saying they didn’t expect I look the way I do (whatever that means) for I refused to show my face for years. There were even comments in my blogs before that they will gladly trade their looks for my brain (and I thought: but would I?) I can only assume that if someone shows some intelligence, people will automatically conclude that one isn’t a pretty sight to look at.
Why is that? Are there some written criteria how a certain individuals supposed to present themselves in order to be respected and be taken seriously? I don’t think so.
Oh I know, some of you would think: don’t dress up slutty if you don’t want to be mistaken for a hoe. I’m not even talking about that for that is totally a very different topic all together and btw not all hoes dress up slutty.
And for the record I went to work today wearing black tailored pants matching prince de galles stretch jacket and crisp tailored white collared shirt with dark silver-gray half boots from mexx. And yes it got heels.
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22
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for you. yes you.
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Jan 11, 2011 10:53 am
1406 Views
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You’re always on my mind no matter what I do
And wherever I am my thoughts are just for you
I see you in my dreams and when I wake up too
This feeling that I have is simply would not go
I know it’s wrong for me to feel the way I feel
But no matter how hard I try I can’t forget you dear
It’s getting difficult each night and everyday
Oh, darling you’re so near and yet so far away
I can only watch you honey from a distance
And only in my dreams that I can hold your hands
Only in fantasy I can be in your arms
I can only touch you and kiss you in my mind
On how to win your heart I haven’t got a clue
Because you’re not aware of my feelings for you
How much that I wanted I cannot let you know
I’m not free anymore to reach out and tell so
So, you will always be just a far away dream
Someone that can’t be mine someone I can’t be near
But darling in my heart for now and forever
I promise for always you have a place in there.
This one is copyrighted. Please don’t use my work without my knowledge.
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23
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why?
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Jan 8, 2011 3:33 am
1688 Views
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why on earth there are some kind of people (person) who insist(s) to disrupt peace and harmony? Could we not exist in the same (cyber) space without dragging each other's names through the mud? For heaven's sakes! Let one another to their own devices as long as nobody is harming anybody. I know it's (probably) none of my business since I am not involve but we are one community here. We are all neighbours can we not tolerate each other in a more mature way? There is storm brewing on the horizon and I bet there will be casualties (like before) and most of them are innocent victims. It is sad really, and from my point of view, very unsettling.
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24
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i'll tell you why...
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Jan 5, 2011 5:38 pm
1048 Views
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I can’t sleep and I tell you why… human brain is so fcking complicated that to try to analyze how it works is a mammoth if not impossible task. I will give you an example: most of you know already that I can’t sleep with anybody, so I insisted to have my own room you all know that too. But what you don’t know is the fact that someone gets into his head to follow me around meaning he decided to sleep at the foot of my bed no matter what. In the summer he sleeps in sleeping bag, when the weather gets cold he bundle all the comforter and sheets he could get and each night make a nest anywhere near my bed. I find it fcking outrageous not to mention ridiculous! The idea alone! An emotional blackmail if I see one. He will lay there bundled up like a baby looking so innocent while we have four huge rooms available including his! And I will sit on my bed pondering why on earth he is doing this??? He said he wants to be with me, okay understandable; but not to the point of doing crazy exorbitant, extortionate, steep, unconscionable, usurious shocking unheard of thing such as this for heaven’s sakes! I fell guilty. I know I don’t suppose to feel that way for it is not my fault, but I feel condemned and wicked nonetheless. We discussed debated argued fought about this matter countless times and his reasons varied from: “it’s nothing-I’m comfortable-don’t worry-I’m okay-this is what I want” to “it’s none of your business-what are you getting angry about- I know what I’m doing-it’s surely not a crime” sort of excuses. The bottom line is: I can’t sleep any other way.
So, tonight we try to move to his room. Same argument. So here I am blogging when I supposed to be not blogging but_ I just want to air my sentiment. There folks. Now you have it.
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6
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to be or not to be
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Jan 4, 2011 10:59 am
1127 Views
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Because I am “probably” a bona fide rebel and a certified nuts and only dead fish go with the flow… for the coming corporate dinner on the 22nd of January which if you remember people the dress code is b&w… I bought a cocktail dress (with a twist) in fuchsia pink. I envisioned myself the only moving colour in the sea of black and white, and could only wonder how huge the impact is going to be both from social and professional point of view. Is the management going to see it as a direct assault to the company’s protocol, a spit on the face of the committee or they will forgive my daring experiment and shrug it off as a mere exotic eccentricity from my part and not at least offensive?
I am still debating with myself as what picture I want to present myself at the occasion… teamed up with black leather jacket, fish net stockings and black patent work man’s boots and lace fingerless half kiddie gloves; I could be a rock chick. With a pair of emerald green pumps or sapphire blue peep-toe with matching beads and earrings plus a headband, yours truly can pass as modern retro. If I arrange it with big wide belt and black stiletto with matching clutch purse and removed the layers of petticoats under (yes it’s removable!) then the outfit will transform into party chic.
The question is: to do or not to do? (Translated as: Would we still have jobs to go to after the party?)
What if I say I’m colour- blind? Can I get away with it?
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13
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day one
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Jan 1, 2011 10:04 am
1084 Views
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Last night… last night I was half sitting in bed my head propped by two large pillow looking out the bay window watching the empty streets devoid of any celebration waiting for the exact hour I could swallow my cherry gumballs (6 hours in between) thinking: here comes another year. Yesterday the neighbour across the street turned off their Christmas lights deco, maybe they cannot wait for the year to end or perhaps they received already their electric bill; I don’t know.
After a time I heard the sound of fireworks accompanied by shouting and some other noises I don’t care to decipher for my head aches like crazy. It went on for about five minutes. When I thought it was over, suddenly it started all over again. I saw the next door neighbour comes out and stood on the middle of the street hands on the hips trying to see where the commotion was coming from and I thought good luck for even from my elevated position, I can hear the noises but I cannot even glimpse one single spark of any fireworks. I wanted to knock on the window and waive but I saw that he’s not in the good mood. I can envision him already writing a letter to the mayor’s office complaining about the incident. He always writes to the mayor everything he’s not happy about concerning our neighbourhood. From inside the house I can hear Ricky the dog barking like his life is depends on it and I thought: that’s why; the dog probably woke him up.
Watching him walking to and fro obviously irritated because Ricky’s cousin Jimmy who lives across the street joined the party I thought to myself: this guy needs to be transported to the Philippines around this time of the year so he can have a proper lesson about how to celebrate new year in style. But he would likely have a heart attack. If this noise which is not even close to practice when it comes to the real thing bothers him already…
The merry making ceased as suddenly as it started, the street gone ghostly quiet again, the neighbour stepped inside and locked the door; there goes another year and everything that have happened within it’s realm, gone, never to be seen again. I don’t know if it’s because I’m sick and my head hurts or I’m becoming a sentimental fool but I found myself crying dry tears…
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13
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...and counting
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Dec 28, 2010 7:29 am
1034 Views
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I am less scared now
Of the things that have been
Before I lived in the past
Of the future I can’t foreseen.
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15
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To link to this blog (Bebong2010) use [blog Bebong2010] in your messages.
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