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| Blogs > bebong2005 > MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO |
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FYI today i hit rock bottom i wonder what next  ~ Jolielaide  |
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They say rock bottom is as far as you can go, But I can dig deeper, darling. Who said this hole isn’t mine to hide in? ~ Jolielaide
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and ALL you need to go deeper, is a stronger shovel ~ Jolielaide
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They say a dead end street is just a place to turn around, But I could face this wall forever. Who said this pain wasn’t meant to be painted? ~ Jolielaide
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They say you can only go up from here But I can go up and down and sideways Who said they get to make the rules? ~ Jolielaide
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This feeling, tonight Isn’t the absence of something, It isn’t the existence of nothing This feeling is the knowledge of everything Everything that I don’t have. ~ Jolielaide
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This moment, tonight Can’t be the absence of eternity Nor the existence of the past This moment is one of hope and hopelessness All at once. ~ Jolielaide
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Its hard to pinpoint when exactly you hit rock-bottom. There's no sudden flash or echoing crash, Just an overwhelming wave of sadness...and then nothing. Not even the utter darkness seems real. Its not that the pain has gone away... more like it’s melded into you You've known this pain for so long that there is no longer a difference between that feeling and your true self. ~ Jolielaide
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Others tell you, no sweat You can climb out of this hole just like all the others, right? Wrong. This one is different. The one thing you dreaded most has come to pass, and there is just no turning back ~ Jolielaide
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You can feel your self changing, you know its happening But the sad thing is? The one that really (almost) breaks your heart... (for the first time) Your eyes are so clouded; you can't even see what you've become ~ Jolielaide
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When you are the only one who listens. The only one who's there. That's rock bottom. When you want to cry because your heart just want to fly back home. And you don't know where that is. That's rock bottom. When you're the only one who understands. And you're left with blood on your hands. That's rock bottom. When you are the one who is hurting. And nobody understands, no one get's you at all. That's rock bottom. When you are the only one who catches you when you falls Because no one cared enough to catch you at all. That's rock bottom. When your only happiness is going ONLINE, in a place where you can hide your face. Hide the person you've become. Hide the person you hate, hide yourself. THIS IS ROCK BOTTOM! Welcome to your new home. ~ Jolielaide
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and i am rambling ain't i? but i seldom do this so i guess i am allowed ~ Jolielaide
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1/30/2009 11:20 pm |
Bebz, everyone experiences being in a slump...You'll be just fine, my dear...Cheer up!  Just call me ELZ 
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drowning is the first that comes to my mind when i read your comment though i experienced near drowning literally in the past funny but i never felt this way yet about life i feet trapped or boxed in most of the time or at dead end hitting rock bottom but not drowning ~ Jolielaide
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btw you remind me of one blogger i miss so much that's why i left comment in your post ~ Jolielaide
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Bebz, everyone experiences being in a slump...You'll be just fine, my dear...Cheer up! only maybe in another context i very much want to believe you but at this moment i see nothing but black thanks for dropping by and taking time to cheer me up much appreciated ~ Jolielaide
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time heals every wound they say but will the pain go away? grateful for your constant presence here if can i will give you a kiss (ha ha) ~ Jolielaide
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Time heals all wounds But leaves worse scars ~ Jolielaide
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The clock kept chewing away at her sanity. It wouldn’t start counting away the minutes. The time had stopped, leaving her in this suspended state. Despair, heart break, loneliness. Yes, that’s right, time heals everything. Not if time stops. Not if time himself decides to freeze and leave you inches away from death, The knife halfway to your heart. Time and his cruel tricks. ~ Jolielaide
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darling it amazes me how you always manage to say the right words at the right time you're a ray of hope/light in my otherwise darkest life/night ~ Jolielaide
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Time heals most wounds Scars may be left Thats all that remains Of a once depressed life Time heals most wounds Some never heal They just keep being ripped open Depression remains Time heals most wounds This is true Our lives evenutally fall into place But the deepest wounds stay ~ Jolielaide
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Time Heals ‒ Nothing Everyone can spot A delicate broken heart A soul that’s slipped away With wounds clear as day Give it time They all say Your wounds will hear The scars will fade away But time has passed Forever into eternity And my wounds still bleed They still want answers They still want words Telling what went wrong Something time Can never give Time heals ‒ nothing ~ Jolielaide
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i better stop rambling i might depress certain people and that is not my intention just venting ~ Jolielaide
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1/31/2009 4:42 am |
'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. # Rock Bottom I feel like I'm walking a tight rope, without a circus net I'm popping percocets, I'm a nervous wreck I deserve respect; but I work a sweat for this worthless check Bout to burst this tech, at somebody to reverse this debt Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged Full of venom and rage.... I pray that God answers, maybe I'll ask nicer Watching ballers while they flossing in their pathfinders These overnight stars becoming autograph signers We all long to blow up and leave the past behind us Along with the small fry's and average half pinters While player haters turn b*tch like they have vagin*s Cause we see them dollar signs and let the cash blind us Money will brainwash you and leave your a>s mindless Snakes slither in the grass spineless That's Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to k*ll That's Rock Bottom When you want something bad enough to steal That's Rock Bottom When you feel you have had it up to here Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear My life is full of empty promises And broken dreams I'm hoping things will look up But there ain't no job openings I feel discouraged hungry and malnourished Living in this house with no furnace, unfurnished And I'm sick of working dead end jobs with lame pay And I'm tired of being hired and fired the same day But f*ck it, if you know the rules to the game play Cause when we die we know were all going the same way It's cool to be player, but it s>cks to be the fan When all you need is bucks to be the man Plus a luxury sedan Too comfortable and roomy in a six They threw me in the mix With all these gloomy lunatics Walk around depressed And smoke a pound of ses a day And yesterday went by so quick it seems like it was just today My daughter wants to throw the ball but I'm too stressed to play Live half my life and throw the rest away There's people that love me and people that hate me But it's the evil that made me this backstabbing, deceitful, and shady I want the Money, the women, the fortune, and the fame That Means I'll end up burning in hell scorching in flames That means I'm stealing your checkbook and forging your name Lifetime bliss for eternal torture and pain Right now I feel like just hit the rock bottom I got problems now everybody on my blocks got 'em I'm screaming like those two cops when 2pac shot 'em Holding two glocks, I hope your doors got new locks on 'em My daughter's feet ain't got no shoes or sock's on 'em And them rings you wearing look like they got a few rocks on 'em And while you flaunting them I could be taking them to shops to pawn them I got a couple of rings and a brand new watch you want 'em? Cause I never went gold of one song I'm running up on someone's lawns with guns drawn  by Em.   within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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1/31/2009 11:50 pm |
noted capice!   
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looking back i realized that so many times in my life it could have gone worse been in a lot of situations which i think: gee, how could i survived all of that and still in one piece emotionally, psychologically and physically when i was young, i don't think so much about circ. just moved on without even a second thought and without realizing i really had come close but i do believe that God really exists and he must love me or otherwise i will not be here right now philosophizing ~ Jolielaide
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