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| Blogs > bebong2005 > MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO |
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where is Tsoko? He’s fcking back! Couple of nights already. I cannot understand. I thought I gotten rid of him for good. But last night, he visited me again. I talk about this guy for the first time in my blog HE'S THERE AGAIN the bstard Then he disappeared after few last attempt of bringing me with him into the unknown. I have no single clue why he starts materializing again? Stress perhaps? Uncertainty? I don’t know! in the beginning I thought he is the product of a traumatic 20 years of marriage brought on by multiple experience of someone surprising me in my sleep by dragging yours truly by the hair all the way downstairs simply because he feels like doing it. Or probably a lot earlier during my childhood when my dear departed father used to do the same with his wife each and every Sunday of our lives after the Sunday mass. But that was ages ago! Both my ex and my father are not with me anymore (sadly not for the same reason) nobody is threatening my life at all (it’s the other way around) D. can never hurt a fly even if he wanted to. (he carries insects =spiders= out the house and lovingly sets them free in the garden which reminds me of what Eric the Phantom said, that even spiders have rights to a mate) But last night he appeared again, and couple of nights before that. I get so tired of it that I (in my dream, nightmare, fantasy etc.) tossed aside my blanket and jump out of the bed onto his back shouting: “okay, you don’t want to leave me alone? May the best wo/man win. Geronimoooooo!!! I woke(?) up on the floor disappointed. I will consider it a fair fight if I can move freely. But most of the time I am paralyzed. It’s so unfair! I cannot even move my big toe for crying out loud! It takes all my will power and mental strength to be able to escape from his hypnotizing gaze and come back to this world. If I could only shout… in his world I am shouting on top of my lungs, but nobody (not even D. who is from time to time tries to sleep next to me) in my universe hear a squeak from me; nobody. Sometimes I thought I was really a vampire in my previous life, and someone caught me by surprise in my sleep (coffin) and drove a stake into my heart and killed me that way. That’s why my sub-conscious remembering the tragic incident taught me to put locks and dead bolts wherever possible and stay awake while sleeping. That’s why even my dream house who gonna dig the tunnel didn’t worked out the way I wanted it to be. Tragic. (Practically my life story) What to do now? Back to the old habit of looking behind doors and garbage bins thinking somebody could be hiding there? Or coming home expecting someone He never sees Margaret again from the past is sitting there waiting for me? I don’t really know where to begin.  ~ Jolielaide  |
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to those who wonder about the title... sweet blogger tsoko likes this sort of things she told me ~ Jolielaide
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1/11/2009 4:55 pm |
What could be worse than a recurring nightmares?..You seem to be helpless, not knowing if you are going to be awake again. Astral travel? yeah, that happens too, when you see your body about 10 feet below, and you command it to move!..Hah!...I've been in that situation, and trust me, I dread the thought of sleeping again.. Just call me ELZ 
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some sort of witchcraft or incantation? pity that i'm a gypsy instead of a witch ~ Jolielaide
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What could be worse than a recurring nightmares?..You seem to be helpless, not knowing if you are going to be awake again. Astral travel? yeah, that happens too, when you see your body about 10 feet below, and you command it to move!..Hah!...I've been in that situation, and trust me, I dread the thought of sleeping again.. ~ Jolielaide
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* anyone here who can do what ic4u2 had suggested? or had some experience with these sort of things? or know someone via via any suggestion is welcome ~ Jolielaide
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To add to the Lucid Dreaming mentioned earlier, place a pen and paper in your side table before you go to sleep. Upon waking, try to take down notes of your recent dream. What you saw, who was with you, the details of the scenario and most importantly how you feel about everything during the dream. Put them all into writing. Review your dreams as much as you can everytime and you will see a pattern. Research on dream interpretation or read some dream dictionary. If you would give me the chance to read your written dreams, I might be able to help you interpret. Our dreams are our subconcious mind reaching out to us. It might be about the past you want to be free of, or it might be about your future, your subconscious wanting to reveal to you, a warning or directional guide. Or might want to whisper to you the changes you need to do in your present life. When dreams are repetitive and become violent like nightmares, your subconcious is trying hard to get your attention. There are issues in your life that your subconcious feels must be resolved. Hope this could be of help.
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really? very interesting but_(there is a but) how could you explain the fact that i woke up on the floor? is that mean i can stretch the control i have over in dreamland into reality? happened to me quite few times one of them i wrote in my blog I SAW HIM I SWEAR ~ Jolielaide
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about the being aware in a dream that you are dreaming and you can influence the event to your liking 9 out of 10 when i'm dreaming "normal" (meaning nobody is trying to do what)dreams, i was aware that i was actually dreaming. i know this when i'm about to do (or there are things that don't fit) something illogical(i hope it's the right word) in my dream and my conscience/principle/whatever doesn't allow me to continue the dream. my brain says: "hey, wait a minute here, this and that isn't right. so i go change whatever have to be change. ~ Jolielaide
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and if the dream is good, often times i remember it upon waking up and able to continue the dream in my next sleep.like reading a book. ~ Jolielaide
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pity that you live so far or otherwise you can help me vanquish what ever entity real or not real who's giving me a hard times. about the gypsy blood i don't know if i really have it (do asian gypsies exist?) i call myself a gypsy as a sort of joke referring to the sort of nomadic life my family used to have.(still is) ~ Jolielaide
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about your grandmother i'm sure she's a very remarkable lady and i refuse to call you names (are you being defensive?) i'm very skeptical(sceptical) though about casting spells for i believe that i have a third eye and i don't want to create a chance opening a portal to somewhere i'm not ready yet/don't want to explore. but if you can guarantee that is truly safe maybe i would think about doing it. ~ Jolielaide
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To add to the Lucid Dreaming mentioned earlier, place a pen and paper in your side table before you go to sleep. Upon waking, try to take down notes of your recent dream. What you saw, who was with you, the details of the scenario and most importantly how you feel about everything during the dream. Put them all into writing. Review your dreams as much as you can everytime and you will see a pattern. Research on dream interpretation or read some dream dictionary. If you would give me the chance to read your written dreams, I might be able to help you interpret. Our dreams are our subconcious mind reaching out to us. It might be about the past you want to be free of, or it might be about your future, your subconscious wanting to reveal to you, a warning or directional guide. Or might want to whisper to you the changes you need to do in your present life. When dreams are repetitive and become violent like nightmares, your subconcious is trying hard to get your attention. There are issues in your life that your subconcious feels must be resolved. Hope this could be of help. keeping a dream journal some of my recollections i wrote already and even posted some here. thanks for the offer btw i will start writing down bits and pieces of what i can remember and i'll let you know ~ Jolielaide
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what bothers me though is the fact that i was able to placed myself in another venue while dreaming i know some people experienced being chase, flying etc. in their sleep and wake up in bed. but not me, sometimes i ended up in some other places in the house. ~ Jolielaide
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not to mention the margaret episode where i became totally someone else but no recollection or what so ever of the event including the fact that the ambulance emergency team have been to my house coz D. (blessed him) called them. the poor boy was so worried about me. i was so sick as a dog throwing up whole night but woke up the next day feeling refreshed and no memory about what happened. ~ Jolielaide
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i wonder if sleep-walking is part of lucid dreaming  ~ Jolielaide
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pity that you live so far or otherwise you can help me vanquish what ever entity real or not real who's giving me a hard times. about the gypsy blood i don't know if i really have it (do asian gypsies exist?) i call myself a gypsy as a sort of joke referring to the sort of nomadic life my family used to have.(still is) lack of sleep ~ Jolielaide
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i think i read(or someone must have mentioned it before) about the hand being different in a dream i will try to remember this next time(which is soon enough meaning now for i'm about to hit the sack) i'll let you know (if you're interested) the moment something happened thanks for the tip ~ Jolielaide
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reminds me of what einstein said about time being infinite and about other worlds parallel to ours (don't even know if i'm just conjuring up the whole einstein thing) reminds me also of ancient celtic myths about portals and worlds between opening myself would be the hardest part ~ Jolielaide
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*  blogsvillevampire have to rest will answer comments later ~ Jolielaide
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at this stage i feel i am yet to be born so to speak (reminds me of taltos) when anne was describing Lasher (or it is Ashlar? don't know anymore)being born ~ Jolielaide
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You don't have to run because it's already been done So Walk before you Run they say There are days when I get really mad, And times when I am really sad. When all that there seems to do, Is just cry until my face turns blue. I try and lay down on my bed, And think of things that make me happy instead. Like Disneyland or the beach, Like Christmas Day and baby cheeks. But, sometimes I just have to give up, and let the water fall out of the cup. I let the hoses pour, Let the sprinklers rain, Until my nose looks like its red with a stain. My eyes are puffy, my hairs a mess, If a fireman saw me he’d say, “Code red! Distress!” Then as soon as you could blink, All the tears are down the sink. I take a deep breath, and feel a lot better. “Gosh I don’t like rainy weather.” But, once in awhile everybody has to cry, You gotta squeeze all the water out before you get nice and dry. ~ Jolielaide
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*forgive my spatter it's full moon again ~ Jolielaide
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lol
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jealous?  kidding  ~ Jolielaide
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You make me laugh so hard i cry You make me smile it actually hurts You can cheer me up when no-one can You can say a word and i understand I love the things you do to me you make me laugh you make me laugh - tonight  (coupon good for single use only) ~ Jolielaide
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