Blog : amen

Blogs > bebong2005 > MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO

bebong2005 56F

12258 posts
7/5/2008 10:02 am

amen

Once and a while I look back at the life I had before when I was young(er) (and therefore more adventurous) and thought: Hmmm… I did some pretty bad (for my standard) things back then, like having 5 boyfriends simultaneously. None of them I cared about. Jimenrex once said to me he cannot understand why I’m having bf anyway, aside from not giving a damn about them, I do not need it really (according to him) all I need is someone to hang out and jam with (meaning him)

I don’t know exactly why I did it. Probably the mean reason was: I found out that the easiest way to get rid of them is to say yes okay. Then they leave me alone, which is what I really wanted. Still is.

I watched them cried fat tears (the fastest way to make guys cry is to agree with everything they say and do exactly the opposite. Boy, they become quite desperate. I love it!) while thinking to myself: Wow! He really can do it. I would like to attend where ever drama school he learned this from. Or… yeah, tja…does he really mean it or what? I always think along those lines while acting differently.

One time, I caught a glimpse of my face on a mirrored wall of some restaurant while listening to a guy bullsh*ting me. I was genuinely surprise to see real compassion written all over my face, while I felt nothing! Nothing at all. (I think it must be the reason why D. loves (he said) me. Don’t ask why)

My ex said I am the last of my species (what ever that means) with him you never know (not that I care)
He called me a head-hunter once (now, where was that come from?) and where is this coming from? Maybe because I’m sitting here in some Thermal Hotel (my last attempt to relax) watching D. pretends sleep while listening to some guy snoring like a turbo from the other room next door and feeling hungry for I don’t know what, craving for the only brand of sparkling water that is not in the mini bar, and having a mother and father of all headache, writing this on the back of a menu card that was laying next to my bed.

Life is as exciting as a bowl of bland soup left in the fridge for few days to rot. Amen.