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| Blogs > bebong2005 > MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO |
4/5/2009 1:44 pm |
i realized at my age that i ("probably") will never fall in love ever. and if, like i said i will never marry him. i want to be in control. don't want feelings to clowd my reasons. if we love somebody, (i think) we tend to be blind mostly. being in love is being vulnerable, being open for someone to hurt us. i don't want to give that power to anyone. i want that if someone decided to leave, that i will still be whole. Hope you can keep yourself whole again. Feelings what can I say? I'm a sucker.  I'm ready to be open and vulnerable and I pray it won't change me. But getting hurt is a cornerstone of my life since I was little. It's something I'm used to. I guess I'm a little reckless and will take the chance and risk it for now until I could no longer find the spirit to do it again. Early days still.     within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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Ate B, are you looking forward to have a baby again? I ask because it seems it's another reason why mom and my ex's mom wanted us to get married. They already want a grandchild. My mom in particular wants a mestiso/a as a grandchild. She's broody, but it isn't safe to bear a child at her age. I mean I really don't care how a baby looks as long as I can bear to have one. Whilst my mom's ex used to buy baby and children's toys quite often for nobody in particular, but she would use to make me touch the newly bought toys to try and test it and see how it feels and say how whether it's adorable and cute.  Then later said she's keeping in the box just in case. It used to scare me because I used to think what is she hinting at.but like your mother i'm not looking forward to getting pregnant again i smiled when i read about buying baby clothes and toys because it's so recognizeable i have to admit i did it once also and gave them to my daughter that time i don't care if she got pregnant out of wedlock as long as she get pregnant i thought she could easily go back to her former life afterwards i would take care of the baby 100 percent she never have to bother what a selfish thing to think ~ Jolielaide 
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Thanks po for your mahabang sagot. You're too cool. Hope you can keep yourself whole again. Feelings what can I say? I'm a sucker. I'm ready to be open and vulnerable and I pray it won't change me. But getting hurt is a cornerstone of my life since I was little. It's something I'm used to. I guess I'm a little reckless and will take the chance and risk it for now until I could no longer find the spirit to do it again. Early days still. and like i said you remind me of my younger self used to being hurt reckless will tackle obstacle as it comes bring it on bring it on later you will realized that you are tired of fighting and why things can't just happen normally like with others but enjoy the fighting spirit while it lasts it will sustain you to go on for the years to come and don't worry about changing mahirap maitago ang natural you will probably mellow but change i hope never ~ Jolielaide
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could be a runaway car also driving by someone who prayed for the light at the end of the tunnel and gotten tired waiting and starts looking for it ~ Jolielaide
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4/8/2009 8:19 pm |
check. now we've got a theme song  I am what I am I am my own special creation  So come take a look Give me the hook Or the ovation  It's my world That I want to have a little pride My world And it's not a place I have to hide in  Life's not worth a dam Till I can say I am what I am I am what I am I don't want praise I don't want pity I bang my own drum Some think it's noise I think it's pretty And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle Why not see things from a different angle Your life is a shame  Till you can shout out I am what I am I am what I am And what I am needs no excuses  I deal my own deck Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces  It's one life and there's no return and no deposit  One life so it's time to open up your closet  Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out I am what I am I am I am I am good ♫♫♫ I am I am I am strong ♫♫♫ I am I am I am worthy ♫♫♫ I am I am I belong ♫♫♫ I am I am wooo hoohh!!! I am I am I am I am useful ♫♫♫ I am I am I am true ♫♫♫ I am I am somebody ♫♫♫ I am as good as you ♫♫♫ Yes I am... Yes...we are   
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4/8/2009 8:22 pm |
just don't crucify me if i forgot our anniversary i forget about them too... anyways
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4/8/2009 8:27 pm |
and pray... that there's an exit! 
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i am what i am I am what I am I am my own special creation So come take a look Give me the hook Or the ovation It's my world That I want to have a little pride My world And it's not a place I have to hide in Life's not worth a dam Till I can say I am what I am I am what I am I don't want praise I don't want pity I bang my own drum Some think it's noise I think it's pretty And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle Why not see things from a different angle Your life is a shame Till you can shout out I am what I am I am what I am And what I am needs no excuses I deal my own deck Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces It's one life and there's no return and no deposit One life so it's time to open up your closet Life's not worth a dam till you can shout out I am what I am I am I am I am good ♫♫♫ I am I am I am strong ♫♫♫ I am I am I am worthy ♫♫♫ I am I am I belong ♫♫♫ I am I am wooo hoohh!!! I am I am I am I am useful ♫♫♫ I am I am I am true ♫♫♫ I am I am somebody ♫♫♫ I am as good as you ♫♫♫ Yes I am... Yes...we are only i don't know how to bang the drums ~ Jolielaide
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it's ok i forget about them too... anyways what will happen after ten years? ~ Jolielaide
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and pray... that there's an exit! reminds me of yesterday~ Jolielaide
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4/11/2009 8:25 am |
I often have a blast with our exchanges. Thanks so much. I'll say while I still have the chance. Enjoying it to the ma while it lasts. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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4/11/2009 8:26 am |
I often have a blast with our exchanges. Thanks so much. I'll say while I still have the chance. Enjoying it to the max while it lasts. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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with you i could be in touch with another facet of me which not so many people are allowed to glimpse meaning: being serious and mushy not to mention acting my age ~ Jolielaide
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 wot~ Jolielaide
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