Blog : Sobering Thoughts of Internet Love

Blogs > moonchaser > Pinay Ladies, whats your charm

35 posts
7/9/2007 7:09 pm

Sobering Thoughts of Internet Love

COMMENTS WELCOME

GENTLEMAN AND LADIES

BEWARE! ATTENTION! WARNING! BE CAREFUL!

My divorce was finalized in May. Friends asked me how I felt about it. Was I happy? Was I glad it was over? Was I glad to have my freedom back? My answer was none of the above. It was an acknowledgment that it will take time for the dust to settle. But, as to my feelings, I could only answer that I was SAD.

I was saddened by the lost hopes and dreams. Saddened by the wasted Energy, Time, Opportunities, and Expense. I was saddened by the loss of naivety and happiness. I was saddened by the unnecessary hurts and harms. All for what?

I did not enter into marriage after 25 years of bachelorhood to find myself 15 months later back where I started. I did not picture the brokenness, anger, harsh words, pain, and heartache that would arise for no evident reason. Why? I must ask. I do not have the answers yet, I may never arrive at them.

The POINT Dave! You may ask. Well, My wife and I met on the internet on a sight much like this one. We courted for 20 months. We supposedly agreed on our faith, our values, our plans, and dreams. Our wedding was perfect and everything we, our family, and friends hoped it would be. Then came the honeymoon.

Things started to unravel at the get go. It seems there were a lot of unexpressed expectations, a lack of agreement on the courtship discussions. Lies! Discontent! Independent Behavior!

Unhappiness welled up its head. Resentment and Anger reared up and struck. The slide and spiral had begun. Nothing could seem to stem the tide! No thing! No Assurance! No Words! No loving gesture! NOTHING could slow the verbal torrent! Depression was hanging over our heads It was inevitable that love would wane. Self-protection and guarded hearts would prevail. Prayers felt empty. Communication, an exercise in futility.

It might be good to clarify here. All these unhealthy emotions and destructive behaviors started and emenated from my wife. As you can imagine it was most confusing and discouraging for a new and first time husband.

What went wrong? My conscience is clear, but my heart is troubled seeking the answers. My mind is perplexed by the incongruity of having everything going for us; yet to stand at the end of the day - empty handed.

Before we married, I failed to take into account the "little" inconsistencies and "little" incongruities of her story. I discounted the "little" deceptions. I forgave the insecurities and petty jealousies. I overlooked the "Little" mismatches of character and personality. These little things came to haunt us. My wishful thinking and optimism, must have blinded me to the reality looming over us. I didn't connect the right dots. I didn't see it coming.

I hope to be wiser in the future. I wish her no ill will. I guard against retaining anger and resentment of my own. I must make choices to be vulnerable again. I am seeking out a new and brighter future. My eyes will just be more open and my heart less bold.

SECOND Warning:

I just found out some sad news at church yesterday. I couple I knew are separated and divorcing. He has been asked to leave the church. Evidently, the husband had been horribly abusing his wife. They had not been married very long. She ended up in a woman's shelter and is now staying with a family in the church. She is struggling to put her life back together. She has much healing of spirit and mind to go through. She is now surrounded by people who love and care for her. She is getting counseling and the Lord is providing and ministering to her. She's a sweetheart.

The problem: This couple met on the internet and she too is a Filipino Lady !!

This is serious business. This hurts far more than two people. It hurts all the family and friends, even a church. Be Careful! Try to exercise good judgment, discernment, and wisdom in your searches for love. Try to read the pages within the cover. I am hoping in writing and sharing in this post, that someone will be equipped to avoid the same mistakes and problems.

Best wishes and God's blessings be with you in your search for "LIFE LONG LOVE!"

Dave

Thank You For Your Time and Consideration ! Be Safe !! and, God Bless You and Yours !!! DAVE

Hebrews 10;24-25: And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works; Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one anothe: and so much the more, as you see the Day approaching.

rose4apearl 63F

201 posts
7/10/2007 8:23 am

very sad stories,but they are happening.sometimes concerns like finding someone on the net seems to be "searching for a needle in a hyastack."its very possible that the person whom you fall in love with is suffering from mental illness i.e in your case a bipolar disorder,that its very difficult for that person to stay in a relationship esp if there's nobody for support.its not easy to tell if someone has it,just by being online,however there are tell tale signs that he/she is by observing his/her behavior,however sometimes even if we know that one has a mental illness we "overlook" it as if we are in denial esp if that person is the one whom we hold close to our heart,with hopes of "healing eventually."there's no substitute for meeting,knowing each other in real.despite this sad happening many are still hoping to find "the one" taking all the risks of being lied,cheated and hurt,here on the net..after all life is a gamble.

moonchaser replies on 7/22/2007 7:17 pm:
Hello Rose4aPearl,
Thanks for visiting and commenting.
What you have said here is certainly true. I have lived what you have shared in my own life. I have loved and lost before. I know what heartbreak is from lost love. In the past it hurt and eventually made sense. What made my marriage and divorce difficult, was that nothing made sense from the wedding own. What has caused the most pain was the lack of wisdom I displayed in my choices in this case. The lack of discernment on my part. I shared these stories to help others to reflect a moment or two on their own choices. As for the "gambling" aspect of it; this does seem to be a 'sad' prospect. As for that, I am now trying to "hedge my bets."
We will see. Thank You again. God Bless! Dave

moonchaser replies on 7/22/2007 10:26 pm:
Thank You for commenting rose4apearl
You have said a lot hear. You are correct in what you have said hear. "Gambling" in love is a most dangerous game though! The prospect of meeting the "one and only" here on FFF and possibly someone who is 7000 miles away is MOST DAUNTING !! I am trying to figure out how to "hedge my bets." If this is possible? I have come to know personally the heartache of what you have shared hear. Please visit again, Thanks, and God Bless! Dave

Babyface1975 44F

90 posts
7/13/2007 7:13 am

Thanks for the warning, sorry to hear your painful experience but it's better to be love and lose than never love at all.

moonchaser replies on 7/22/2007 6:53 pm:
Hello again Babyface,
Your welcome, thanks for your empathy. I have loved and lost more than once. A broken heart is not a foreign thing to me. Twice before I lost a loving relationship for reasons that hurt and/or eventually made sense. What made this one difficult is that none of it made sense - after the fact. Hindsight causes the most pain, because it shines the light on my own lack of discernment, wishful thinking, and poor judgment in my choices towards marriage in this case. I am endeavoring to learn from the experience. I am endeavoring to be wiser in the future. I am trying to apply these lessons here on FFF. We will see.
Babyface, Thank You, God Bless! Dave

designerlady08 60F

8/4/2007 6:17 pm

hi moonchaser... i can relate to the hurt u are telling! me too had been separated for 18 yrs already and never been involved in any relationship as i am indeed very happy being alone and devoted my life in church activities and my career...i know God has a reason for everything! ur friend.... designer

moonchaser replies on 8/14/2007 1:46 am:
Hello designer,

Thank you for visiting my blog. You are obviously a sister of the heart. God has his ways and I think he also must cry and laugh at our own. Thanks Friend!

God Bless! Dave

odette317 61F

1312 posts
8/14/2007 8:32 am

So sad, but that is life, it's not always happiness and success but it is littered with trials and failures, but a true test to our strength is the standing up each time we fall.

My prayerful wish for you to be happy. God bless you.

Follow your dreams... and hit the mark.

moonchaser replies on 9/5/2007 11:29 pm:
Greetings and Welcome Odette,

You are right. Part of the miracle of the heart is its capacity to bounce. A sports analogy, when your knocked down, get up, dust yourself off, and go back into the game. Or, as many see, you have to get back on the horse. It is a measure of our inner being how and if we do bounce.

Odette, God Bless! Dave,

jense26 47F

1441 posts
2/25/2008 5:58 pm

I am entangled with your page and your blog that I patiently read each words included here. It was not a very good experience but then Love even found in net or in reality got some complications.

Things would work best depending on the person's personal upbringing, values and priorities in life. Optimism is not enough but it must be coupled with good discernment.

I am sure you can do it better now. Experience had surely made its good role in educating you to become better next time.

You got a good outlook. I am wishing you the best of luck in your search.