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A scenario This post is only viewable by Filipino FriendFinder members. Join Filipino FriendFinder now!    within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time. |
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i experienced both ends of the story i have my reasons( both counts) and it tends to vary according to the situation it can be that i feel forced, over-whelmed, past traumatic experiences and so on. ~ Jolielaide 
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8/22/2008 6:58 am |
A smile to anyone whether of the same race or not goes a long way and it doesn't have to lead to a conversation. It works wonders to smile at people because it's quite infectious and you know it really helps your countrywo/men to not feel as alone and homesick. Our  can boost their spirit. Yet sometimes as individuals we forget we could've caught them at the wrong time when their mood is possibly down. Thus, it doesn't necessarily mean the person doesn't care or feel negatively about their fellow Pinoy. More likely indifferent. Love your passionate and friendly attitude and your patriotism. Mabuhay to you Kuya Moses!"I truly believe in solidarity and unity ...there grows the true spirit of nationalism." within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/22/2008 8:03 am |
I had the same experience too, but hey, it happens even with other nationality, I know as I once worked in a multi-cultural department before. what I just want to say is... it's not just in our culture... each and every other culture have their own peculiarities the person you know happened to meet a snub one, he shld have approached me Hi Jane   We'll know to approach you because you're presumably coddly.  "...it's not just in our culture... each and every other culture have their own peculiarities.." within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/22/2008 8:04 am |
i experienced both ends of the story i have my reasons( both counts) and it tends to vary according to the situation it can be that i feel forced, over-whelmed, past traumatic experiences and so on.  ] Ate Bebs."Tends to vary according to the situation." People like to be acknowledged when they show interest. Helps to make them feel appreciated and shows a little care. Have also met fellow Pinoys who wanted to take advantage of my permanent U.K. residency by trying to propose.  A if... As one of the variety of encounters with others, it taught me to be more careful no matter who I meet and treat each person as an individual and not their race because there are a few who'll take you for granted no matter where they're from.within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/22/2008 8:10 am |
 Malu and your dadee. Really? Gosh that's petty and might think the other foreigners would stab us in the back and accuse each other of being an illegal alien.within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/22/2008 8:16 am |
A Brit guy married to Filipina noticed that there is plenty of what they call "back fighting" and petty jealousies in the parties that they organise for our countrywo/men to get together. Heaps of rumours about who has done what to whom, or with whom! He thinks though that it's much more about being female than being Filipino. So true because this is exactly what happened near where I live too. He also sensed a degree of separation between those here to work and remit and those who are married to the locals. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/22/2008 8:26 am |
Another Brit said he wouldn't just chat to someone because they're of the same race. He'd rather spend time with those he loves, trusts and already familiar with. He doesn't like the way a tourist or a foreigner makes offensive remarks about the local ways of doing things. In short, we've to try to respect each reason for their behaviour and reaction which gives away a little about how they feel they're being treated whether its the local in our adopted country or from our country of birth. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/22/2008 8:43 am |
We'll try not to assume that each Filipino will be friendly as you know because we're unique individuals afterall. Someone might be afraid or very shy to approach or at worst really don't care. Some are judgemental from the moment they set their eyes on you and would quickly scan or at worst intently stare at what you wear, who you're with and make an overall assessment of you as a Filipino and whether how much you're westernised etc. The most important point is that there are always more people from many places to meet and greet in different forms and mediums of communication. It's really nice to have friends with the same background and speak a common tongue, sharing the same foods and jokes with etc as one of the Brit guys said. However, sometimes these commonalities are shallow. These commonalities could be the breeding ground for gossip when you show any deviation from the norm. He hopes we would find good friends from different backgrounds because the variety helps to enrich our lives. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/22/2008 8:47 am |
A Brit guy married to Filipina noticed that there is plenty of what they call "back fighting" and petty jealousies in the parties that they organise for our countrywo/men to get together. Heaps of rumours about who has done what to whom, or with whom! He thinks though that it's much more about being female than being Filipino. So true because this is exactly what happened near where I live too. He also sensed a degree of separation between those here to work and remit and those who are married to the locals. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/22/2008 8:48 am |
Malu and your dadee. Really? Gosh that's petty and might think the other foreigners would stab us in the back and accuse each other of being an illegal alien.Good point Malu.  within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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This really happens as what my sisters are telling me about when I was with them in Pasadena,California last year.They won't mind you as one of their Kababayans,as if they are much proud to be a somebody,showing of,when they had the chance to live in another country.Maybe,they thought of," Who the hell are you,anyway! I never knew you! Why do I have to help you!" Is this a cause of absorbing other countries culture?
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8/23/2008 5:20 am |
This really happens as what my sisters are telling me about when I was with them in Pasadena,California last year.They won't mind you as one of their Kababayans,as if they are much proud to be a somebody,showing of,when they had the chance to live in another country.Maybe,they thought of," Who the hell are you,anyway! I never knew you! Why do I have to help you!" Is this a cause of absorbing other countries culture? How are you during the week? Did you get the chance to do or go anywhere nice? People may absorb the culture of their surrounding area or the local way of doing things and adopt perhaps the tough attitude for reasons such as they realise they're vulnerable and have to take more care of themselves to survive. As you said Ms. Malt someone might think why the hell should they help someone when they don't know them. I tend to find this attitude more amongst city folks. City folks are also more likely to be suspicious. I don't blame them when they're surrounded with a cut throat world. From experience, I'm always welcoming and friendly to anyone as long as I can sense the good in you no matter who or where you're from. If I notice you aren't interested or can't be trusted then I don't see the point of trying hard. Have helped our kababayans with their problems before as much as possible and tried to help them not feel homesick. At the same time I've also over stretched myself in the past and through this I've learnt to draw the line between how much I can give happily without being taken for a ride. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/23/2008 5:30 am |
The funniest one is when you live in a multi-cultural place and surrounded with many people around the world. People generally find it quite difficult or don't show any interest to distinguish the differences between races particularly South Asian who esp. the locals think many foreigners look alike. Even our Kababayans might assume you're from neighbouring countries such as Thailand, Malaysia or China etc. I often encounter this kind of remark from different kinds of people from the locals, tourists and Kababayans alike. Have been mistaken for Chinese, Japanese, Indonesian etc. The funniest assumption was that a South American thought I'm Brazilian and an American by an American.  within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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You hit the nail in the head [not literally ] Ate Bebs."Tends to vary according to the situation." People like to be acknowledged when they show interest. Helps to make them feel appreciated and shows a little care. Have also met fellow Pinoys who wanted to take advantage of my permanent U.K. residency by trying to propose. A if... As one of the variety of encounters with others, it taught me to be more careful no matter who I meet and treat each person as an individual and not their race because there are a few who'll take you for granted no matter where they're from.in a few minutes she managed to tell me her life story, which is: her husband of 19 yrs put her out of their house because he's not paying a rent to him she is now living on the street sometimes lodging with her friend who is new in belgium and the judge ordered her to pay alimony for her two kids who are by the way living with the husband  when i tried to translate to D. what she's saying she literally pull me away from him and read me the lessons on how to lie to your foreign husband because i will never know when it's my turn. she thought also that her marriage is forever and look what happened to her. when i said that i don't understand, she assumed and told me literally that she can see that i'm new in europe so i don't understand yet their way of thinking i know the law in belgium by heart. and i'm divorced myself. what she told me was a straight lie. a) her husband thrown her out because she didn't pay the rent after not paying it for 19 yrs? why just now? and what rent? she said they have their own house, so they have the same rights by belgian law. b) there is no law in belgium which allowed someone to be thrown out by their spouse unless you did something that very damaging to your family and make it impossible for you to be around them. but even then, it's only temp arrangement. for it to be legal, it's a long and tiring process. c)if the judge ruled that you have to pay alimony to your kids, it means you're in the wrong. there are only 3 reasons why the mother cannot have custody of her children: drugs, insanity, violence. or otherwise mother always get the kids and the father have to pay them. unless children over 12 chose to be with the father, and that says enough. if this woman wants my help, she doesn't have to lie or teach me to lie to my own husband. ~ Jolielaide
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i encountered different situations. from instead of saying hello they asked what car i drive, or how many phone i have in the house or what job my husband has. one filipina offered to take me to the party we're both invited to, i bought this huge antique chinese base for a present she bought a small jar of pot pouri. she drives so i held the presents. coming out of the car, she said: i'll help you with this (meaning the presents) so you can come out easily. i gave her the vase. she carried it to the hostess and gave it to her and did as if the vase was from her. then the hostess saw me and greeted me thanking me for the cute present i brought. i was speechless! ~ Jolielaide
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could go on and on about experiences similar to this one. filipinas in belgium tend to see each other as rivals, competing for the highest social status. that means, fancy cars, cellphones, houses, husbands, clothes. (i know one filipina who has a passion for versace, the first thing she said before she can sit down at every party is how much her outfit for the night had cost.) one time i said to her "mine is from H&M but it suits me" (bagay sa akin) she said one girl on our table looks like a maid. i said: " i rather look like a maid than a wh*re." needless to say we're not best of friends. ~ Jolielaide
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8/23/2008 6:11 pm |
Thanks Bebz po very much for your interesting stories and very useful comments. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/23/2008 6:21 pm |
i encountered different situations. from instead of saying hello they asked what car i drive, or how many phone i have in the house or what job my husband has. one filipina offered to take me to the party we're both invited to, i bought this huge antique chinese base for a present she bought a small jar of pot pouri. she drives so i held the presents. coming out of the car, she said: i'll help you with this (meaning the presents) so you can come out easily. i gave her the vase. she carried it to the hostess and gave it to her and did as if the vase was from her. then the hostess saw me and greeted me thanking me for the cute present i brought. i was speechless! very cheeky.  The hostess may not really care much about how much you spent. As long as you graced her with your presence for her party Ate. Don't like those kind of questions because it implies that they only care about your status and whether they should associate themselves with you. It's none of their business really to know all this info. How about some other interesting question that doesn't keep tab of what you got and what you haven't and whether they could take advantage of these? It's more appropriate to ask how was your day at work and what would you like to eat? within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/23/2008 6:31 pm |
could go on and on about experiences similar to this one. filipinas in belgium tend to see each other as rivals, competing for the highest social status. that means, fancy cars, cellphones, houses, husbands, clothes. (i know one filipina who has a passion for versace, the first thing she said before she can sit down at every party is how much her outfit for the night had cost.) one time i said to her "mine is from H&M but it suits me" (bagay sa akin) she said one girl on our table looks like a maid. i said: " i rather look like a maid than a wh*re." needless to say we're not best of friends. Have no shame in saying I could be accused of looking like a fashionable maid for buying cheap rags and all sorts from charity shop or thrift store. Don't care what anyone says because my dignity and self respect matters most and this is one of the things that my bf loves. Great Bebz, quite like H&M shop too because this store is much more affordable than most. When I'm in the mood I love going through every sale of anything from books to random items to clothes.  When I outgrow anything or get fed up wearing clothes. I sort them again to separate heavy clothes to return to charity and send the rest in a balikbayan box for Pinas for relatives and friends at least 2* a year. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/23/2008 6:37 pm |
<<<< Have never been and will not be a designer goods or label lover. Money can't really buy you real class. Proud to say deeply rooted in working class background and living just above the poverty line and will always be working class. Same as my Hon and we've so much in common with each other. Thank God! within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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8/24/2008 3:47 am |
last night a Filipina stop us from our nightly walk in a few minutes she managed to tell me her life story, which is: her husband of 19 yrs put her out of their house because he's not paying a rent to him she is now living on the street sometimes lodging with her friend who is new in belgium and the judge ordered her to pay alimony for her two kids who are by the way living with the husband when i tried to translate to D. what she's saying she literally pull me away from him and read me the lessons on how to lie to your foreign husband because i will never know when it's my turn. she thought also that her marriage is forever and look what happened to her. when i said that i don't understand, she assumed and told me literally that she can see that i'm new in europe so i don't understand yet their way of thinking i know the law in belgium by heart. and i'm divorced myself. what she told me was a straight lie. a) her husband thrown her out because she didn't pay the rent after not paying it for 19 yrs? why just now? and what rent? she said they have their own house, so they have the same rights by belgian law. b) there is no law in belgium which allowed someone to be thrown out by their spouse unless you did something that very damaging to your family and make it impossible for you to be around them. but even then, it's only temp arrangement. for it to be legal, it's a long and tiring process. c)if the judge ruled that you have to pay alimony to your kids, it means you're in the wrong. there are only 3 reasons why the mother cannot have custody of her children: drugs, insanity, violence. or otherwise mother always get the kids and the father have to pay them. unless children over 12 chose to be with the father, and that says enough. if this woman wants my help, she doesn't have to lie or teach me to lie to my own husband. She smells fishy tales so don't assume she knows little. within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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Could well be Ms. Malt. A very good additional point thanks! How are you during the week? Did you get the chance to do or go anywhere nice? People may absorb the culture of their surrounding area or the local way of doing things and adopt perhaps the tough attitude for reasons such as they realise they're vulnerable and have to take more care of themselves to survive. As you said Ms. Malt someone might think why the hell should they help someone when they don't know them. I tend to find this attitude more amongst city folks. City folks are also more likely to be suspicious. I don't blame them when they're surrounded with a cut throat world. From experience, I'm always welcoming and friendly to anyone as long as I can sense the good in you no matter who or where you're from. If I notice you aren't interested or can't be trusted then I don't see the point of trying hard. Have helped our kababayans with their problems before as much as possible and tried to help them not feel homesick. At the same time I've also over stretched myself in the past and through this I've learnt to draw the line between how much I can give happily without being taken for a ride. I'm already accustomed to give a smile to anyone whom I never met or knew,all sort of people around.Good,I never experienced such unpleasant behavior of our Kababayans when I was in California last year.I attended mass by myself one time,and after the mass I even greeted and talked with an old lady who have a quite resemblance to my late mama. Even I was doing some arrangement at my parent's front garden,most of the people running with their dogs were friendly people of different nationalities.I even had the chance to make a chat with day,specially their children.I'm proud to say,I'm friendly,too.
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very cheeky. The hostess may not really care much about how much you spent. As long as you graced her with your presence for her party Ate. Don't like those kind of questions because it implies that they only care about your status and whether they should associate themselves with you. It's none of their business really to know all this info. How about some other interesting question that doesn't keep tab of what you got and what you haven't and whether they could take advantage of these? It's more appropriate to ask how was your day at work and what would you like to eat? they have a family driver but she rides tricycle every each day  in the midday she usually take a nap in the greenpark gazebo laying on a wooden bench with just a pillow. she cried each time i leave and phoned me occasionally. she gave me despedida party the last time i 've been there. she paid for everything. i genuinely like her. ~ Jolielaide
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Could well be Ms. Malt. A very good additional point thanks! How are you during the week? Did you get the chance to do or go anywhere nice? People may absorb the culture of their surrounding area or the local way of doing things and adopt perhaps the tough attitude for reasons such as they realise they're vulnerable and have to take more care of themselves to survive. As you said Ms. Malt someone might think why the hell should they help someone when they don't know them. I tend to find this attitude more amongst city folks. City folks are also more likely to be suspicious. I don't blame them when they're surrounded with a cut throat world. From experience, I'm always welcoming and friendly to anyone as long as I can sense the good in you no matter who or where you're from. If I notice you aren't interested or can't be trusted then I don't see the point of trying hard. Have helped our kababayans with their problems before as much as possible and tried to help them not feel homesick. At the same time I've also over stretched myself in the past and through this I've learnt to draw the line between how much I can give happily without being taken for a ride. totally agreed with this one. i also done my share and still willing if i feel that people have no hidden agenda. ~ Jolielaide
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ahahahaha Have no shame in saying I could be accused of looking like a fashionable maid for buying cheap rags and all sorts from charity shop or thrift store. Don't care what anyone says because my dignity and self respect matters most and this is one of the things that my bf loves. Great Bebz, quite like H&M shop too because this store is much more affordable than most. When I'm in the mood I love going through every sale of anything from books to random items to clothes. When I outgrow anything or get fed up wearing clothes. I sort them again to separate heavy clothes to return to charity and send the rest in a balikbayan box for Pinas for relatives and friends at least 2* a year. ~ Jolielaide
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