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FRIENDS AND LOVERS: When to draw the line? Wheewwww!...I dunno, but I always hear or read people saying that they wanna start being "friends" first, before they decide to up the level to being that of lovers/sweethearts...Too many have tried that, and some of them took just several days (literally), some several weeks, several months, and very few took a couple of years to finally decide, that yes!...they are going to be a couple... It's not much of a problem if the feeling is mutual, but most of the time, the other person wishes to remain friends. Most conservative women would wait for the men to take the initiative or positive signs for romance to start...On the other hand, conservative men are reluctant to make their feelings known for fear of losing the friendship that was built and nurtured for sometime...At times, both parties wait too long, and receive wrong signals from each other...and end up losing both the secret romantic sparks and eventually, the friendship. Lucky are those who never had to say a word, but their hearts understood,... who just happened to stare at each other, pulled one another closer,.. then the first kiss, and the warmest embrace...Lucky are those who never showed any fear...Happy are those who dared the world to stand still.... When do you decide to be lovers? Or do lovers really need to be friends first? Do you wanna risk your friendship in favor of your love for the other person? If love is not favorable after all, will you abandon the friendship as you move on?  Just call me ELZ  |
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Good topic, Elsa. I don't know about being friends first. It could be an awkward situation when someone says let's be friends first and see where that leads to. I think if a man says that to me, I will just end up being sisterly towards him. I feel that if there is enough interest, then just start getting to know each other first and the longer we chat and find out more about each other, the closer we get to know whether this is the one for us or not. Just my humble opinion. 
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3/5/2007 3:48 am |
Good topic, Elsa. I don't know about being friends first. It could be an awkward situation when someone says let's be friends first and see where that leads to. I think if a man says that to me, I will just end up being sisterly towards him. I feel that if there is enough interest, then just start getting to know each other first and the longer we chat and find out more about each other, the closer we get to know whether this is the one for us or not. Just my humble opinion.  Just call me ELZ
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3/5/2007 11:20 am |
Oh pretty elah!...thanks for your input...You're the second woman that I know of who has the nerve and the ability to just tell men you like , want or love them, and that is the courage I do not have...I admire you for that.... Just call me ELZ
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3/5/2007 11:25 am |
The reason why I posted this blog is that most of my contacts here at fff have it in their profile that they do want to make friends first, and either way, they like me, but I do not like them as lovers, or I like them (which I really did not tell them), but they did not tell me if they would want to go up the next level, and or maybe they found someone else...blah, blah, blah...My thing is, I hate it when the word "friendship" is being used as a scapegoat...You know what I mean?...And then, what?...just like bubbles...they disappear...hahahahahahaha!...On the other hand....whenever I say I'd like us to remain as friends, I do keep my word for it...only because I really value friendship...But you are damn right about not putting one's hopes into any friendship to develop into something else... Just call me ELZ
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3/5/2007 11:27 am |
I'm pretty sure, you did not meet your Hubby on the internet, uhhh? Just call me ELZ
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3/5/2007 11:29 am |
OH! that is a given, my dear! To each one of us is a different circumstance...different luck, and we have our different ways of dealing with things...I really appreciate you for posting here...Take care.. ELSA Just call me ELZ
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3/5/2007 5:32 pm |
there's some very good points here , Elsa . but as much as we talk , study , & seek advice on friendship , relationships , love and marriage it's like Kramer said on SEINFELD : " love's a mad scientist , Jerry !" as for love/friendship , my wise sis told me this advice ... no expectations ... no disappointments !
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3/5/2007 8:29 pm |
there's some very good points here , Elsa . but as much as we talk , study , & seek advice on friendship , relationships , love and marriage it's like Kramer said on SEINFELD : " love's a mad scientist , Jerry !" as for love/friendship , my wise sis told me this advice ... no expectations ... no disappointments !  Just call me ELZ
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3/5/2007 8:32 pm |
Robert! I'd say, you were vulnerable..you had the chance, and then you chose to give it a try, and you did...You had love and fun, and then, it was GONE!...At least, you felt something special...And I have the same principle these days... Just call me ELZ
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Oops! Sorry for the double post, sis! Can you please delete the first one?  The reason I said what I did is because someone asked me to be a friend first. Then, after a few months, I was asked if I would be his valentine? And until now, I am so confused! Are we supposed to be gf-bf or are we just friends? He brightens up my mornings and calls me such endearing terms, but we haven't really talked about love...so, I still don't know. He acts like I am his sweetheart but I don't or at lest I don't think I do. I have never mentioned the word love. Do we have a commitment? None that I know of. So, do I close my doors to others or do I keep on chatting to find my true love, hopefully. And yes, you are so right in your reply to my comment. Afater all, aren't ost of us in this site searching for what might be our true love?
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Congratulations, elah! I am happy for you hija! Like Elsa, I'd like to know if you met your hubby on the internet.
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3/6/2007 8:24 am |
Oops! Sorry for the double post, sis! Can you please delete the first one? The reason I said what I did is because someone asked me to be a friend first. Then, after a few months, I was asked if I would be his valentine? And until now, I am so confused! Are we supposed to be gf-bf or are we just friends? He brightens up my mornings and calls me such endearing terms, but we haven't really talked about love...so, I still don't know. He acts like I am his sweetheart but I don't or at lest I don't think I do. I have never mentioned the word love. Do we have a commitment? None that I know of. So, do I close my doors to others or do I keep on chatting to find my true love, hopefully. And yes, you are so right in your reply to my comment. Afater all, aren't ost of us in this site searching for what might be our true love? Just call me ELZ
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3/6/2007 3:31 pm |
My next question is: Is there really such a thing as NO EXPECTATIONS?...even a bit?..
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3/6/2007 7:43 pm |
ok , ok .... some expectations .... or should one say hopes ? Just call me ELZ
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3/13/2007 5:44 pm |
Well said Ed!...Looks like you've had friends before who became your lovers uhhh?...or was it the other way around?...Now, the latter is quite hard to deal with....I suppose... Just call me ELZ
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3/22/2007 8:55 pm |
How sweet naman my dear! Kilig ako!...For this reason, I am okay with meeting people on the internet, and never did I lie anything about me here...What for?...I have no hidden agenda...I keep telling people, what they see is the real me...I could be more, but never less...My eldest sister married her penpal of 2 years while she was still in Hongkong in 1976..She was petitioned fiance` visa by my (now) American-German brother in law...and since then, they have been harmoniously married (of course, not without a glitch!)... Just call me ELZ
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